Scientists Declare Earth Uninhabitable

Posted on February 1, 2013 3:00 pm

Scientists have redefined the “Goldilocks Zone” — the distance from a star where a planet would be “just right” and could conceivably have life on it. The problem is, with the new definition, Earth is no longer in the Goldilocks Zone. So I guess our planet is basically uninhabitable. I hope we have plans then to find and takeover one of the planets that actually are habitable. I mean, I have plans — with lots of cool drawings of us using lasers to shoot aliens.

I really should be Secretary of Defense.

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11 Responses to “Scientists Declare Earth Uninhabitable”

  1. Apostic says:

    Does this means when we resettle, we have to look out for bears?

  2. Dohtimes says:

    Frank adheres to Papa Bear diplomacy.

  3. CCO says:

    Umm, I think they wrote “nearly” as in “new definition kicks the Earth’s orbit nearly out.” I guess somebody needed a headline; but it does bring the whole “global warming” thing into a new light. I want to call it “global thawing” since you see stories about glaciers retreating and revealing where villages had been; and the fact that Greenland’s name made sense when it was given.

  4. silaS marreD says:

    First act as Secretary of Defense: rename the job title back to “Secretary of War” like it was until 1949.

  5. silaS marreD says:

    Second act: “Secretary” sounds too girly; come up with a better title than that.

  6. Jimmy says:

    “I mean, I have plans — with lots of cool drawings of us using lasers to shoot aliens.”

    Prove it! Show us the drawings!

  7. Son of Bob says:

    They must have meant inhabitable by “intelligent life,” in which case watching just one hour of MSNBC can make one tend to agree.

  8. CTCompromise says:

    ….and bumble bees can’t fly….Gotta’ love Science!

  9. FredKey says:

    Why do some of these scientists always seem to be in danger of disappearing up their own existence?

  10. CTCompromise says:

    @ 9. FredKey : Because they depend on grants from the government, so they are basically government employees!

  11. Wombat says:

    It’s about time we get a Secretary of Defense that is willing to pursue important things like adding dinosaurs with rocket launchers to our arsenal.

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