Sometimes I Don’t Trust My Brain

I’ve always been fascinated by the part of the brain responsible for handling my vocabulary. In real time, it translate my thoughts into English words. It seems like a very complex task, and it does it well even if sometimes I’m not quite sure it exactly knows what it’s doing.

FRANK: “Because, really, do we want to be…”

BRAIN: “Obsequious.”

FRANK: “…obsequious to government? And– Wait a second; what was that? Obsequious? Is that even a word?”

BRAIN: “Yeah, I’m pretty sure it is.”

FRANK: “Pretty sure? Well, what’s it mean?”

BRAIN: “I dunno. Google it.”

FRANK: “Why are you giving words to me if you don’t even know what they mean?”

BRAIN: “I’m like sure I’ve seen it used in that context.”

FRANK: “How sure can you be if you don’t even know what it means?”

BRAIN: “I’m like 80% sure we’re using it right, dude.”

FRANK: “Well… can you give me a simpler word to use in its place?”

BRAIN: “Um… nope. Sorry. Blanking.”

FRANK: “Somehow I’ve gone my whole life without using the word ‘obsequious,’ but now you’re telling me that’s the only option for this sentence?”

BRAIN: “Talking is hard. Want to daydream about video games now?”

FRANK: “Yes. Yes I do.”

And I’m pretty sure this is the same part of the brain that tells me what there/their/they’re or your/you’re to use while I’m typing. I consciously know when to correctly use those homonyms, but when typing fast I don’t have time to consciously sort them out and I need to delegate that task to the automated parts of my brain. And their just horrible at it. I think I need an upgrade.

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  1. Know the feeling…..
    Last month a said the interior of a new Cathedral was “austere”.
    I couldn’t fight the word. It was there, and in control. I haven’t looked up the word yet. I don’t have to – my brain said it was.


  2. Frank, you’re either being obsequious too much, or not enough.

    Your other option for that sentence might be “obstreperous.” But for that, you’d have to reverse the polarity or cross the streams depending on which video game you’re playing.


  3. This situation only gets worse with: (circle one only)

    a) Age.
    b) Your kids getting older.
    c) A Democrat in the White House.
    d) Age.

    The correct answer is e) Gluten.


  4. Earlier today I wanted to describe a chauffeur’s uniform and the word “tunic” showed up. Sure enough, the more I turned the word over in my mind, the less meaning it had.


  5. I think I need to oil mine. It keeps getting jammed, and even though I know there’s a word or two in there for something, it won’t give me anything. My subconscious told me a joke once. It was a bad joke, and I told it as much. It was miffed at that. Perhaps this is its revenge.



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