Comments on: Straight Line of the Day: As Part of the Plan to Boost CNN’s Ratings…

By: IMAO » Blog Archive » You’ve Been Judged!

IMAO » Blog Archive » You’ve Been Judged! — Mon, 04 Feb 2013 21:07:32 +0000

[...] Keln of Nuking Politics picked his favorite punchlines to “As part of the plan to boost CNN’s ratings…” [...]

By: Manse

Manse — Sun, 03 Feb 2013 03:16:21 +0000

They will show reruns of To Tell The Truth and hope to fool you.

By: Dohtimes

Dohtimes — Sat, 02 Feb 2013 19:14:54 +0000

…hourly ratings reports with anchors holding loaded handguns.

…they will stop fighting stalking charges against Anderson Cooper whenever he gets a viewer.

…they will move studio to extinct volcano core and question guests while laser beam tracks ever closer to their groins.

By: seanmahair

seanmahair — Sat, 02 Feb 2013 03:45:21 +0000

They’re planning to have Hitlery host a new show……”It takes a village idiot to destroy a country”. She will have lots of personal stories and experience on this show.

By: RAML

RAML — Sat, 02 Feb 2013 02:58:01 +0000

They will sell there channel to some place in Japan for 24/7 anime.

By: CarolyntheMommy

CarolyntheMommy — Sat, 02 Feb 2013 02:35:56 +0000

…. Both fans of Piers Morgan will stop playing video games in their mothers’ basements and tune in to watch.

…. New show: Sumo wrestling with Candy Crowley!

…. they’ll edit the ratings reports like NBC edits tape

By: Max

Max — Sat, 02 Feb 2013 02:22:08 +0000

Prime time will include an hour of lesbian oil wrestling. And I mean the good lesbian kind of oil wrestling…not the Rachel Maddow kind.

By: Oppo

Oppo — Sat, 02 Feb 2013 00:12:43 +0000

.. they will report that their ratings have tripled. Oh, you mean their actual ratings? It’s already been reported as tripled — so what, at this late date, does it matter?

By: GrandLarsenE

GrandLarsenE — Fri, 01 Feb 2013 22:56:35 +0000

New show: “Stick Quiz”. Contestants are asked a trivia question and if they get it wrong, they are hit with a stick.

By: Dohtimes

Dohtimes — Fri, 01 Feb 2013 22:44:55 +0000

…Manti Te’o's girlfriend will occasionally read he scroll at bottom of broadcast to Manti Te’o.

…Will hire Geraldo Rivera to do special on foxhole found with an atheist in it.

By: Bob in Feenicks

Bob in Feenicks — Fri, 01 Feb 2013 22:31:41 +0000

…they will start airing CNN in unemployment offices, which could either increase their current viewership, or lower new unemployment claims.

By: Writer

Writer — Fri, 01 Feb 2013 22:30:36 +0000

They gained exclusive Rights as Speech Writers for the Osama administration.

By: CTCompromise

CTCompromise — Fri, 01 Feb 2013 22:29:20 +0000

….they threatened to make anyone who watched CNN listen to Yoko Ono “singing.
This was incredibly unsuccessful. So they came up with another plan, which they called “The Other Plan”, in which they bought ads on Fox News with Yoko Ono “singing” while a banner scrolled on the bottom of the screen announcing: If you were watching CNN now, this pain would cease. It did, in fact, boost their ratings until people realized they had to listen to Maddow, Matthews, Morgan and the rest drone on..and on..and on….

By: CTCompromise

CTCompromise — Fri, 01 Feb 2013 22:18:49 +0000

…Obama signed an executive order that all White House press conferences can only air on CNN.

By: CTCompromise

CTCompromise — Fri, 01 Feb 2013 22:16:43 +0000

…they will be providing free cable TV to every household in Palestein, Iran, Pakistan and Libya.

By: Writer

Writer — Fri, 01 Feb 2013 21:58:49 +0000

The Administration has agreed to pull all of the Licenses to FOX stations and every station carrying Rush Limbaugh.

If that is not suffiient, the Mainstream alphabets are next.

By: DrRiff

DrRiff — Fri, 01 Feb 2013 21:34:11 +0000

As part of the plan to boost CNN’s ratings…they will copy the business and broadcast plan of MSNBC (that ought to work, right?).

By: Cliff

Cliff — Fri, 01 Feb 2013 21:31:54 +0000

Anderson Cooper french kisses Elton John

By: Dohtimes

Dohtimes — Fri, 01 Feb 2013 21:17:12 +0000

…the “shock collar of accidentally telling the truth!!!”

…weather reports replaced with the thrill up Chris Matthews Leg meter via hidden camera at MSNBC.

…we get the Brownest Nose contest included with the What The Obamas Ate Today segment.

By: Dohtimes

Dohtimes — Fri, 01 Feb 2013 21:06:50 +0000

…the new prime time pairing of Honey Boo Boo and Anderson go poo poo.

…borrowing the Couric FannyCam and broadcasting Ted Nugent passing a golf ball sized stone, or even just a golf ball.

…the cooking segments will all feature grilling Conservatives.

By: Apostic

Apostic — Fri, 01 Feb 2013 20:34:49 +0000

New show idea: Stump Piers Morgan. Will feature cast from the series American Chainsaw.

By: Tau Dades

Tau Dades — Fri, 01 Feb 2013 20:12:05 +0000

Piers Morgan will start wearing makeup and juggling on air. Might as well fully embrace his on air persona.

By: DamnCat

DamnCat — Fri, 01 Feb 2013 19:51:18 +0000

…they will add a new round table show featuring Cousin Oliver, Andy Keaton, and Scrappy Doo.

By: rodney dill

rodney dill — Fri, 01 Feb 2013 19:32:39 +0000

two words…. Swamp People.

By: Son of Bob

Son of Bob — Fri, 01 Feb 2013 19:18:13 +0000

I can’t say much as it’s still company classified, but what I can release is that it involves the cast of MTV’s “Jersey Shore.”