Straight Line of the Day: DHS’s “Public Safety” Drone Program…
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
DHS’s “public safety” drone program…
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February 21st, 2013 at 12:02 pm
…will help ensure the safety of all drones used against the public.
February 21st, 2013 at 12:12 pm
…don’t worry, we’re from the Government.
February 21st, 2013 at 12:15 pm
… it’s okay. You didn’t build that.
February 21st, 2013 at 12:22 pm
Will make the phrase “an armed militia” no longer an anachronism, as citizens defend their Big Gulps from the Sky Terror.
February 21st, 2013 at 12:24 pm
… will have special secret programming to be on the lookout for particularly plump dogs
February 21st, 2013 at 12:26 pm
. . . consists of DHS personnel standing around like the drones they’ve always been and always will be.
February 21st, 2013 at 12:31 pm
… Incorporates the naked body scanner technology from the tsa, coming soon to a website near you.
February 21st, 2013 at 12:50 pm
…really took off ater the development of the unmanned flying rubber glove.
February 21st, 2013 at 12:52 pm
… is neither public, nor safe. Discuss.
February 21st, 2013 at 12:55 pm
…is taking suggestions for promotional slogans. Current frontrunners include “Killing You Softly”, “Distrust Never Sleeps”, and “What Could Go Wrong?”.
February 21st, 2013 at 1:02 pm
Will be followed by a new program to allow DNC premier donors flight and fire control access. Because even the DNC recognizes that no one needs a 30 round magazine to protect against rape and home invasion if they have an AGM-114 Hellfire.
February 21st, 2013 at 1:07 pm
…has been renamed to “Skynet”.
February 21st, 2013 at 1:08 pm
…has the slogan:
“We’re from the government, and we’re here to BOMB you.”
February 21st, 2013 at 1:08 pm
…has been hacked by a 10 year old Chineese boy who’s been using it to peek at boobies through open windows.
February 21st, 2013 at 1:11 pm
…is the envy of every tin pot dictator on the planet.
…is exempt from the Constitution since technically it’s not IN America, it’s OVER America.
…spent over half it’s budget flying drones over Scarlett Johansen’s house.
February 21st, 2013 at 1:11 pm
…has already spawned a “private safety drone program” of anti-drone drones.
February 21st, 2013 at 1:14 pm
…will be to keep the public away from a John Kerry or Barack Obama speech.”
February 21st, 2013 at 1:22 pm
…will cost $23 trillion over 10 years and result in a product that looks suspiciously like an airhog with a smart phone taped to the underside.
February 21st, 2013 at 1:24 pm
…logo is a fluffy pink bunny with the legend “Don’t Worry. Be Happy.”
February 21st, 2013 at 1:31 pm
…’s slogan – “Happiness is Mandatory”
February 21st, 2013 at 1:38 pm
hit a snag when recent NCLB graduate pilots were unable to locate “American” on a map.
February 21st, 2013 at 1:51 pm
DHS’s “public safety” drone program advocates launched a national field research project in collaboration with the UAW and the teamsters. Union members were sent door to door to find out if anyone “got a problem wid dat” Volunteers for the program have be advised to record the GPS coordinates of anyone expressing concern so that follow up research can be conducted.
February 21st, 2013 at 2:01 pm
…was cancelled when unions complained that the program didn’t require any union labor…instead, the Federal government depupized and put every union member in the U.S. on the payroll to spy people….oddly, the name of the program “Public Safety Drone Program” remained unchanged.
February 21st, 2013 at 2:08 pm
…will be manned by qal-quida operatives on pms whose free birth control and lack of male companionship is preventing them having an abortion.
… will primarily target Rush Limbaugh’s and Glen Beck’s homes
… will cost taxpayers millions and do nothing to make the public safe
February 21st, 2013 at 2:31 pm
…has to avoid Michigan, otherwise it might get caught in Michael Moore’s gravitational field.
February 21st, 2013 at 2:42 pm
…will only be used on people who Obama feels “need killin’!”
February 21st, 2013 at 3:18 pm
…just sent missles into the Hillsdale College admin building and TEA Party Headquarters. (For the sake of better “public safety”.)
February 21st, 2013 at 3:42 pm
…. is now self-aware
…. will involve spying as well as dropping whistles
February 21st, 2013 at 4:13 pm
…allows “pushing the police call box button” if you don’t particularly like drones. Alternately, government “Suggestion Boxes” are set up everywhere to handle public complaints. Both of these explode, as well.
February 21st, 2013 at 4:46 pm
…sent out this notice to citizens, in case they see a drone in their rearview mirror… “Objects in rear are larger than they appear.”
February 21st, 2013 at 4:50 pm
…you screwed up… you trusted us.
February 21st, 2013 at 5:08 pm
…has so far managed to shoot down its critics.
February 21st, 2013 at 6:00 pm
…is designed to keep Obama safe from the public.
…has been retrofitted to counter the Biden Public Shotgunning Your Way To Safety Program.
…will eliminate all potential militia members making guns obsolete.
February 21st, 2013 at 6:14 pm
…sent another thrill up Chris Matthews leg until he realized it was PUBLIC safety.
…will ignore all the Drone Free Zone laws enacted in the red states.
…will NOT use Apple Maps to negotiate around Obama’s ears or Michelle’s butt.
February 21st, 2013 at 6:25 pm
was launched by Obama saying “I got your Habeus Corpses right here”.
February 21st, 2013 at 7:04 pm
. . . are the reason to allow private ownership of anti-aircraft guns for Home Defense as guarranteed by the Second Amendment.
February 21st, 2013 at 7:07 pm
…doesn’t drone on and on about drones. No. It just gets its point across with… *BOOM!*
February 21st, 2013 at 7:09 pm
@31: ~ (Limited quantity – Cat’s don’t eat much!)
February 21st, 2013 at 7:14 pm
… will relentlessly scan the Constitution, 24 hours a day, for anything that authorizes the federal government to do this.
February 21st, 2013 at 7:16 pm
… will not fly over Canadian or Mexican airspace, out of respect for their citizens’ privacy and sovereignty. Must be nice.
February 21st, 2013 at 11:58 pm
DHS’s “Public Safety” Drone Program, Barack Obama and Eric Holder represent an AXIS of EVIL
February 22nd, 2013 at 10:42 am
… is an example of the adage, “the more things change, the more they stay the same.”
If you were skimming the New York Times seventy years ago, your eyes could have landed on this small item:
Nazis Form Guard In Belgium
LONDON, Feb. 21 (U.P.) — German occupation authorities in Belgium have ordered the formation of a so-called citizens’ guard in Brussels, members of which are required to serve four or five hours each night, presumably on fire-watch duty, reports reaching London said tonight. Belgians have been told that if not enough volunteers are recruited, conscription will be instituted.
Substitute so-called “Public Safety drones” for “citizens’ guard,” and it’s deja-vu.
February 22nd, 2013 at 1:30 pm
…operates under the conclusion that the words “Public Safety” do not mean what you think they mean.
February 23rd, 2013 at 8:21 pm
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