Straight Line of the Day: DHS’s “Public Safety” Drone Program…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

DHS’s “public safety” drone program…

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  1. …is taking suggestions for promotional slogans. Current frontrunners include “Killing You Softly”, “Distrust Never Sleeps”, and “What Could Go Wrong?”.

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  2. Will be followed by a new program to allow DNC premier donors flight and fire control access. Because even the DNC recognizes that no one needs a 30 round magazine to protect against rape and home invasion if they have an AGM-114 Hellfire.

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  3. …has been hacked by a 10 year old Chineese boy who’s been using it to peek at boobies through open windows.

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  4. …is the envy of every tin pot dictator on the planet.

    …is exempt from the Constitution since technically it’s not IN America, it’s OVER America.

    …spent over half it’s budget flying drones over Scarlett Johansen’s house.

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  5. …will cost $23 trillion over 10 years and result in a product that looks suspiciously like an airhog with a smart phone taped to the underside.

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  6. DHS’s “public safety” drone program advocates launched a national field research project in collaboration with the UAW and the teamsters. Union members were sent door to door to find out if anyone “got a problem wid dat” Volunteers for the program have be advised to record the GPS coordinates of anyone expressing concern so that follow up research can be conducted.

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  7. …was cancelled when unions complained that the program didn’t require any union labor…instead, the Federal government depupized and put every union member in the U.S. on the payroll to spy people….oddly, the name of the program “Public Safety Drone Program” remained unchanged.

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  8. …will be manned by qal-quida operatives on pms whose free birth control and lack of male companionship is preventing them having an abortion.

    … will primarily target Rush Limbaugh’s and Glen Beck’s homes

    … will cost taxpayers millions and do nothing to make the public safe

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  9. …just sent missles into the Hillsdale College admin building and TEA Party Headquarters. (For the sake of better “public safety”.)

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  10. …allows “pushing the police call box button” if you don’t particularly like drones. Alternately, government “Suggestion Boxes” are set up everywhere to handle public complaints. Both of these explode, as well.

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  11. …is designed to keep Obama safe from the public.

    …has been retrofitted to counter the Biden Public Shotgunning Your Way To Safety Program.

    …will eliminate all potential militia members making guns obsolete.

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  12. …sent another thrill up Chris Matthews leg until he realized it was PUBLIC safety.

    …will ignore all the Drone Free Zone laws enacted in the red states.

    …will NOT use Apple Maps to negotiate around Obama’s ears or Michelle’s butt.

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  13. . . . are the reason to allow private ownership of anti-aircraft guns for Home Defense as guarranteed by the Second Amendment.

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  14. … will relentlessly scan the Constitution, 24 hours a day, for anything that authorizes the federal government to do this.

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  15. … will not fly over Canadian or Mexican airspace, out of respect for their citizens’ privacy and sovereignty. Must be nice.

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  16. … is an example of the adage, “the more things change, the more they stay the same.”

    If you were skimming the New York Times seventy years ago, your eyes could have landed on this small item:

    Nazis Form Guard In Belgium
    LONDON, Feb. 21 (U.P.) — German occupation authorities in Belgium have ordered the formation of a so-called citizens’ guard in Brussels, members of which are required to serve four or five hours each night, presumably on fire-watch duty, reports reaching London said tonight. Belgians have been told that if not enough volunteers are recruited, conscription will be instituted.

    Substitute so-called “Public Safety drones” for “citizens’ guard,” and it’s deja-vu.

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  17. Pingback: IMAO » Blog Archive » You’ve Been Judged!

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