Straight Line of the Day: DHS’s “Public Safety” Drone Program…

Posted on February 21, 2013 12:00 pm

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

DHS’s “public safety” drone program…

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44 Responses to “Straight Line of the Day: DHS’s “Public Safety” Drone Program…”

  1. FredKey says:

    …will help ensure the safety of all drones used against the public.

  2. Ironic Stompin' says:

    …don’t worry, we’re from the Government.

  3. Bob Dobbs says:

    … it’s okay. You didn’t build that.

  4. MaxedOutMama says:

    Will make the phrase “an armed militia” no longer an anachronism, as citizens defend their Big Gulps from the Sky Terror.

  5. blarg says:

    … will have special secret programming to be on the lookout for particularly plump dogs

  6. Iowa Jim says:

    . . . consists of DHS personnel standing around like the drones they’ve always been and always will be.

  7. g says:

    … Incorporates the naked body scanner technology from the tsa, coming soon to a website near you.

  8. blarg says:

    …really took off ater the development of the unmanned flying rubber glove.

  9. Genghis Khen says:

    … is neither public, nor safe. Discuss.

  10. DamnCat says:

    …is taking suggestions for promotional slogans. Current frontrunners include “Killing You Softly”, “Distrust Never Sleeps”, and “What Could Go Wrong?”.

  11. Fangbeer says:

    Will be followed by a new program to allow DNC premier donors flight and fire control access. Because even the DNC recognizes that no one needs a 30 round magazine to protect against rape and home invasion if they have an AGM-114 Hellfire.

  12. blarg says:

    …has been renamed to “Skynet”.

  13. Jimmy says:

    …has the slogan:

    “We’re from the government, and we’re here to BOMB you.”

  14. blarg says:

    …has been hacked by a 10 year old Chineese boy who’s been using it to peek at boobies through open windows.

  15. blarg says:

    …is the envy of every tin pot dictator on the planet.

    …is exempt from the Constitution since technically it’s not IN America, it’s OVER America.

    …spent over half it’s budget flying drones over Scarlett Johansen’s house.

  16. Jimmy says:

    …has already spawned a “private safety drone program” of anti-drone drones.

  17. Drew says:

    …will be to keep the public away from a John Kerry or Barack Obama speech.”

  18. FormerHostage says:

    …will cost $23 trillion over 10 years and result in a product that looks suspiciously like an airhog with a smart phone taped to the underside.

  19. FormerHostage says:

    …logo is a fluffy pink bunny with the legend “Don’t Worry. Be Happy.”

  20. blarg says:

    …’s slogan – “Happiness is Mandatory”

  21. Fangbeer says:

    hit a snag when recent NCLB graduate pilots were unable to locate “American” on a map.

  22. Fangbeer says:

    DHS’s “public safety” drone program advocates launched a national field research project in collaboration with the UAW and the teamsters. Union members were sent door to door to find out if anyone “got a problem wid dat” Volunteers for the program have be advised to record the GPS coordinates of anyone expressing concern so that follow up research can be conducted.

  23. blarg says:

    …was cancelled when unions complained that the program didn’t require any union labor…instead, the Federal government depupized and put every union member in the U.S. on the payroll to spy people….oddly, the name of the program “Public Safety Drone Program” remained unchanged.

  24. plentyobailouts says:

    …will be manned by qal-quida operatives on pms whose free birth control and lack of male companionship is preventing them having an abortion.

    … will primarily target Rush Limbaugh’s and Glen Beck’s homes

    … will cost taxpayers millions and do nothing to make the public safe

  25. Bob in Feenicks says:

    …has to avoid Michigan, otherwise it might get caught in Michael Moore’s gravitational field.

  26. Son of Bob says:

    …will only be used on people who Obama feels “need killin’!”

  27. Bunkerhillbilly says:

    …just sent missles into the Hillsdale College admin building and TEA Party Headquarters. (For the sake of better “public safety”.)

  28. CarolyntheMommy says:

    …. is now self-aware

    …. will involve spying as well as dropping whistles

  29. Jimmy says:

    …allows “pushing the police call box button” if you don’t particularly like drones. Alternately, government “Suggestion Boxes” are set up everywhere to handle public complaints. Both of these explode, as well.

  30. rodney dill says:

    …sent out this notice to citizens, in case they see a drone in their rearview mirror… “Objects in rear are larger than they appear.”

  31. rodney dill says:

    …you screwed up… you trusted us.

  32. DamnCat says:

    …has so far managed to shoot down its critics.

  33. Dohtimes says:

    …is designed to keep Obama safe from the public.

    …has been retrofitted to counter the Biden Public Shotgunning Your Way To Safety Program.

    …will eliminate all potential militia members making guns obsolete.

  34. Dohtimes says:

    …sent another thrill up Chris Matthews leg until he realized it was PUBLIC safety.

    …will ignore all the Drone Free Zone laws enacted in the red states.

    …will NOT use Apple Maps to negotiate around Obama’s ears or Michelle’s butt.

  35. Dohtimes says:

    was launched by Obama saying “I got your Habeus Corpses right here”.

  36. Writer says:

    . . . are the reason to allow private ownership of anti-aircraft guns for Home Defense as guarranteed by the Second Amendment.

  37. Jimmy says:

    …doesn’t drone on and on about drones. No. It just gets its point across with… *BOOM!*

  38. Jimmy says:

    @31: ~ (Limited quantity – Cat’s don’t eat much!)

  39. Oppo says:

    … will relentlessly scan the Constitution, 24 hours a day, for anything that authorizes the federal government to do this.

  40. Oppo says:

    … will not fly over Canadian or Mexican airspace, out of respect for their citizens’ privacy and sovereignty. Must be nice.

  41. Carpenter says:

    DHS’s “Public Safety” Drone Program, Barack Obama and Eric Holder represent an AXIS of EVIL

  42. Oppo says:

    … is an example of the adage, “the more things change, the more they stay the same.”

    If you were skimming the New York Times seventy years ago, your eyes could have landed on this small item:

    Nazis Form Guard In Belgium
    LONDON, Feb. 21 (U.P.) — German occupation authorities in Belgium have ordered the formation of a so-called citizens’ guard in Brussels, members of which are required to serve four or five hours each night, presumably on fire-watch duty, reports reaching London said tonight. Belgians have been told that if not enough volunteers are recruited, conscription will be instituted.

    Substitute so-called “Public Safety drones” for “citizens’ guard,” and it’s deja-vu.

  43. Dohtimes says:

    …operates under the conclusion that the words “Public Safety” do not mean what you think they mean.

  44. IMAO » Blog Archive » You’ve Been Judged! links:

    […] Keln of Nuking Politics picked his favorite punchlines to “DHS’s “public safety” drone program…” […]

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