Straight Line of the Day: If You Buy a $500,000 Meeting With Obama, It Includes…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

If you buy a $500,000 meeting with Obama, it includes…

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79 Comments

  1. …a promise that he will never tout your company’s success. (This was what the Piranha Brothers called the Other Other Other Operation.)

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  2. … a half and half

    … a request for more money

    … endorsement for any movie of your choice for an Academy Award

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  3. … a free TSA grope and a 4 course meal that doesn’t require the use of a knife or fork

    … an opportunity to prostrate to the Messiah in person
    … a complimentary tour of the underside of Obama’s bus

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  4. an Obamacare waiver, a whole deck of race cards, a SlapChop plus the pocket-sized mini-Obama.

    But wait, there’s more!

    Call within the next five minutes and we’ll double your order!

    That’s right. Just pay shipping and handling totaling an additional $50,000 and receive TWO of everything you see here. Offer void where prohibited. NY, IL and DC residents add 10% sales tax.

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  5. ….about 5 minutes of his time if you are white OR a party in Las Vegas, complete with Crystal champagne fountain while an American embassy is burning, if you are a Black celebrity couple.

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  6. …a former staff member for you to throw under a bus.

    …WAFFLES!

    …does it matter since his supporters would swallow anything from him?

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  7. …a photo of you and Obama and excludes anything of value affecting the rest of the country.

    …a half billion in loans that the taxpayers will pay off after you bilk the business it creates for about a half billion.

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  8. For A Fistful of Dollars – or – For A Few Dollars More (your choice) – a DVD animation of Clint Eastwood getting his head blown clean off by a .44 Magnum while standing next to an empty chair.

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  9. …Alec Baldwin using a racial slur you get the blame for because $500,000 means you are not liberal enough and have to be punished.

    …a nice red carpet put down for you to crawl on.

    …a face to sneer meeting with a dictatorial egotist and hey, what more do you expect to get for a piddly half mil?

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  10. …a seat close enough to Biden’s high chair to watch him dump a bowl of cereal on his head.

    …fun ride on one of Michelle’s hips!

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  11. A free copy of “How To Run A Successful Business” by the Postmaster General. Just pay postage and handling. Please!

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  12. A $1,000,000,000,000 coin. Of course, upon closer inspection it is stamped “Novelty Only”.

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  13. …a peek inside the Book of Secrets for Obama’s schnauzer schnitzel recipe.

    …running one play with the Atomic Football.

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  14. A private flight to the Dominican Republic and your choice from five underaged hookers.

    Oops. That was the $500,000 dinner with Senator Menendez.

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  15. $50 dollars worth of JollyTime Popcorn and whatever is in the Box that Carol is point to.

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  16. … two 30 minute shotgun shooting lessons from Joe Biden and a free skeet-shooting trip to Camp David.

    … an Obamacare waiver.

    … the phone number of a really great Secret Service-preferred brothel.

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  17. …a stern warning not to stare at Obama’s ears.

    …your big chance to show off your groveling skills and a severe beat-down if you slobber on The 0nes shoes.

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