Straight Line of the Day: If You Buy a $500,000 Meeting With Obama, It Includes…

Posted on February 28, 2013 12:00 pm

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

If you buy a $500,000 meeting with Obama, it includes…

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79 Responses to “Straight Line of the Day: If You Buy a $500,000 Meeting With Obama, It Includes…”

  1. Apostic says:

    …this lovely tote bag.

  2. Apostic says:

    …dinner with the First Lady. And for an addtional $500,000, dinner without the First Lady.

  3. Carpenter says:

    …. a Multi-Million dollar payoff if/when the Obammunist revolution is a success

  4. Apostic says:

    …a personalized threat from a senior White House official.

  5. Jimmy says:

    Your choice of : two tickets to the Gong Show or a new bong.

  6. Apostic says:

    …a promise that he will never tout your company’s success. (This was what the Piranha Brothers called the Other Other Other Operation.)

  7. Jimmy says:

    A gun safety demonstration by Joe Biden on the back porch.

  8. Genghis Khen says:

    A hug from Joe BIden, a look around the inside of Obama’s bucket, and an obamacare waiver.

  9. Tommy the Towelhead says:

    …an opportunity to see if his ears act as locking tabs inside the bucket you brought.

  10. Apostic says:

    …an autographed glossy 8×10 of the TOTUS. (“O’s & X’s, Lexie”)

  11. Apostic says:

    …a night in the Lincoln Bedroom. Garlic and crosses not included.

  12. Genghis Khen says:

    A first person account of how he bagged his first skeet.

  13. Son of Bob says:

    …condescension, arrogance and pomposity at no extra charge.

  14. rodney dill says:

    The extra straps that make it easier to caddy his golf bag.

  15. blarg says:

    … a half and half

    … a request for more money

    … endorsement for any movie of your choice for an Academy Award

  16. rodney dill says:

    …and extra $100,000 service tax added on to the $500,000

  17. rodney dill says:

    …a free pass that let’s you win against the Wookie one time.

  18. rodney dill says:

    A key to the Choom room.

  19. rodney dill says:

    … permission to post your business’s advertisement on Michelle’s butt for one week.

  20. blarg says:

    … a free TSA grope and a 4 course meal that doesn’t require the use of a knife or fork

    … an opportunity to prostrate to the Messiah in person
    … a complimentary tour of the underside of Obama’s bus

  21. DamnCat says:

    …a catered lunch featuring your choice of breed for the entrée.

  22. blarg says:

    … an opportunity to demonstrate how else you might be useful to the administration

  23. Apostic says:

    @ rodney dill February 28th, 2013 at 12:31 pm

    Don’t they have laws against billboards that size?

  24. Heftyjo says:

    You get to the walk to the head of the bread line.

  25. Jimmy says:

    …an arugula salad, with or without the arugula, and the one without arugula has arugula in it.

  26. Jimmy says:

    …a free doggy bag.

  27. rodney dill says:

    @Apostic, nyuk, nyuk, I was trying to work the size issue into the punchline, ended up just figuring most people would get it anyway.

  28. rodney dill says:

    …a follow up meeting with Donna Brazile, where you can explain to her why her healthcare premium went up.

  29. rodney dill says:

    …a free drone ride.

  30. gsmtiger says:

    …a free ride on the Obama bus, plus you get to throw two people under it for free.

  31. gsmtiger says:

    …entertainment provided by Joe the dancing shotgun bear.

  32. Carpenter says:

    …a partnership with the Muslim Bruthahood

  33. Cliff says:

    ….a viewing of Hubris 2 with Rachel Madcow

  34. JeffersonFan says:

    …a shake weight workout with Reggie Love and a shotgun autographed by Joe Biden.

  35. marcus tullius cicero says:

    You get a lap dance from Muchelle!

  36. Gun Nut says:

    …a ticket to hell and a handbasket so you can get a head start on the rest of Amerika.

  37. Bob in Feenicks says:

    …an all-you-can-eat dog buffet.

  38. Dirk The Imapiler says:

    …lunch consisting of the most tender cuts of doberman. For $1,000,000, you get collie tar tar.

  39. frogmouth says:

    an Obamacare waiver, a whole deck of race cards, a SlapChop plus the pocket-sized mini-Obama.

    But wait, there’s more!

    Call within the next five minutes and we’ll double your order!

    That’s right. Just pay shipping and handling totaling an additional $50,000 and receive TWO of everything you see here. Offer void where prohibited. NY, IL and DC residents add 10% sales tax.

  40. DamnCat says:

    …a lunch of roasted wild skeets.

  41. Doug says:

    having your car detailed by Joe Biden.

  42. Mr Evilwrench says:

    Bring your wife and she can get free fashion tips from MissHell

  43. rodney dill says:

    …throw in an extra $50,000 and you get lunch with an R.O.U.S.* in New Jersey

    *(Republican Of Unusual Size)

  44. rodney dill says:

    …a night of Dancing With The Czars

  45. rodney dill says:

    …all you can eat… but only 1 sixteen ounce drink to wash it down.

  46. CTCompromise says:

    ….about 5 minutes of his time if you are white OR a party in Las Vegas, complete with Crystal champagne fountain while an American embassy is burning, if you are a Black celebrity couple.

  47. FormerHostage says:

    …a former staff member for you to throw under a bus.


    …does it matter since his supporters would swallow anything from him?

  48. FormerHostage says:

    …a year’s supply of Rice a’ Roni!

  49. FormerHostage says:

    …an iPod already loaded with his speeches.

  50. FormerHostage says:

    …a lap dance from Joey. (Good luck getting that picture out of your head!)

  51. Oppo says:

    face time with the half-mill-atto.

  52. Dohtimes says:

    …a photo of you and Obama and excludes anything of value affecting the rest of the country.

    …a half billion in loans that the taxpayers will pay off after you bilk the business it creates for about a half billion.

  53. Dohtimes says:

    …500 K worth of racial guilt easement that lasts until you listen to his next speech.

  54. Jimmy says:

    For A Fistful of Dollars – or – For A Few Dollars More (your choice) – a DVD animation of Clint Eastwood getting his head blown clean off by a .44 Magnum while standing next to an empty chair.

  55. Dohtimes says:

    …Alec Baldwin using a racial slur you get the blame for because $500,000 means you are not liberal enough and have to be punished.

    …a nice red carpet put down for you to crawl on.

    …a face to sneer meeting with a dictatorial egotist and hey, what more do you expect to get for a piddly half mil?

  56. Dohtimes says:

    …a seat close enough to Biden’s high chair to watch him dump a bowl of cereal on his head.

    …fun ride on one of Michelle’s hips!

  57. Tau Dades says:

    …a $500 Million dollar govt back loan for the future bankrupt company of your choice.

  58. Nunya says:

    …a $500,000 bill for services rendered: Obama gracing you with his presence *barf*

    (Hi gang! *waves to my fellow patriots*)

  59. Jimmy says:

    Where you been, Nunya bidness?

  60. Writer says:

    . . . a quart of cheap gin and a date with Susan Fluke.

  61. Writer says:

    . . . a vegetarian dinner where he introduces you to his master Nyarlathotep.

  62. AT says:

    … An Obamacare exemption.

  63. Doug says:

    A Place Card, with your name on it.

  64. seanmahair says:

    …a peanut butter sandwich and a cup of Koolaid.

  65. Steve says:

    A pin so you can sign the check in blood…

  66. Oppo says:

    Absolutely nothing, according to Jay Carney. He may be more correct than he thinks.

  67. Oppo says:

    A free copy of “How To Run A Successful Business” by the Postmaster General. Just pay postage and handling. Please!

  68. Oppo says:

    A cabinet position, apparently. You can even Hagel over the price.

  69. Oppo says:

    A case of the warm fuzzies (leftover poodles from dinner).

  70. Oppo says:

    Membership in his new party, the Smug-Satis Faction.

  71. HokieGomer says:

    A $1,000,000,000,000 coin. Of course, upon closer inspection it is stamped “Novelty Only”.

  72. HokieGomer says:

    …a peek inside the Book of Secrets for Obama’s schnauzer schnitzel recipe.

    …running one play with the Atomic Football.

  73. Matt Musson says:

    A private flight to the Dominican Republic and your choice from five underaged hookers.

    Oops. That was the $500,000 dinner with Senator Menendez.

  74. Matt Musson says:

    $50 dollars worth of JollyTime Popcorn and whatever is in the Box that Carol is point to.

  75. cptnmoroni says:

    An “I’m with stupid” t-shirt.

  76. cptnmoroni says:

    …15 minutes to control of the drone of your choice.

  77. cptnmoroni says:

    … two 30 minute shotgun shooting lessons from Joe Biden and a free skeet-shooting trip to Camp David.

    … an Obamacare waiver.

    … the phone number of a really great Secret Service-preferred brothel.

  78. Dohtimes says:

    …a stern warning not to stare at Obama’s ears.

    …your big chance to show off your groveling skills and a severe beat-down if you slobber on The 0nes shoes.

  79. Writer says:

    . . . Green Stamps, because their manufacture aids his newest Green Jobs Agenda.

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