Straight Line of the Day: John Kerry’s First Official Act As Secretary of State…

Posted on February 18, 2013 12:00 pm

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

John Kerry’s first official act as Secretary of State…

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73 Responses to “Straight Line of the Day: John Kerry’s First Official Act As Secretary of State…”

  1. Oppo says:

    … was to call Hagel and say “Man, these confirmation hearings are a breeze, huh, Chuck?”

  2. Oppo says:

    … was to assure everyone that his appointment “will not give the term SOS new meaning.”

  3. Oppo says:

    … was to try to get hold of the keys to that second Oval Office.

  4. Dohtimes says:

    …find out if worlds perception of America is one of a Beavis or a Butthead.

    …was to put on his pantsuit one leg at a time without any help, on just his fourth try.

    …saluted the nearest American flag, then applied for a Purple Heart for smoke inhalation.

  5. Ironic Stompin' says:

    …formally requested the position title be changed to “Administrative Professional of State” and sent out his wish list of gifts so people would have enough time to shop for Administrative Professional Day.

  6. Dohtimes says:

    …was to brag that he would never get his panties in a wad, showing off his new suspenders and the latest from Fredericks of Hollywood.

  7. Oppo says:

    … was to announce that he was replacing checkbook diplomacy with “Cash & Kerry.”

  8. Oppo says:

    … was to see if he could have the Ship of State docked in Newport, Rhode Island.

  9. Jimmy says:

    …was announcing that, like Hillary, he won’t be performing any “official acts” that could be assigned blame.

  10. Oppo says:

    … was to announce the State Dept.’s new motto, “Keep Commie and Kerry On.”

  11. Oppo says:

    … was to call the IRS. With a membership list of the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth. But don’t worry about it.

  12. Bob in Feenicks says:

    …order a bunch of re-reset buttons.

  13. Oppo says:

    … was to deny that he has a face like a horse, and to punish those who called him Secretariat of State.

  14. Dohtimes says:

    …was to remove the peanut butter from his gums and leave the podium.

    …was to finally have a State Funeral for the real star of Animal House and initiate equine rights abuse by UN.

  15. DamnCat says:

    …: reporting for doody.

  16. RAML says:

    Go on vacation, excuse me, good will tour of every country in Europe

  17. Writer says:

    . . . was to sign a full formal Alliance with Vietnam, ecause they had been his loyal friends and largest Campaign contributors for so many years.

  18. Ernie G says:

    …was to get the door slammed in his face by the Russians.

  19. Bob in Feenicks says:

    …was to sear the details of Benghazi in his memory.

  20. a guy named Rob says:

    …to look for his dictation machine and find out how Barack likes his coffee. Because dammit, he’s going to be a better secretary than Hillary ever was!

    …call Hillary to see which state he is secretary of, and find out where the other 49 hang out

    …Weep openly while muttering ” thank God I finally have a job where Theresa can’t follow me around nitpicking and make fun of me”

    …said “wait….what? I thought this was for the presidency???”

    …swore that the establishment of a trade pact with Moldova would be his legacy, his Sistine Chapel

  21. CTCompromise says:

    …was to fill out his tax witholding forms, no doubt.

  22. Heftyjo says:

    …is to wind board across the Atlantic to shake some prime ministers hand.

  23. IMAO » Blog Archive » You’ve Been Judged! links:

    […] Keln of Nuking Politics picked his favorite punchlines to “John Kerry’s first official act as Secretary of State…” […]

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