Comments on: Straight Line of the Day: John Kerry’s First Official Act As Secretary of State…

By: IMAO » Blog Archive » You’ve Been Judged!

IMAO » Blog Archive » You’ve Been Judged! — Wed, 20 Feb 2013 12:50:51 +0000

[...] Keln of Nuking Politics picked his favorite punchlines to “John Kerry’s first official act as Secretary of State…” [...]

By: Heftyjo

Heftyjo — Tue, 19 Feb 2013 20:36:07 +0000

…is to wind board across the Atlantic to shake some prime ministers hand.

By: CTCompromise

CTCompromise — Tue, 19 Feb 2013 18:34:36 +0000

…was to fill out his tax witholding forms, no doubt.

By: a guy named Rob

a guy named Rob — Tue, 19 Feb 2013 14:48:27 +0000

…to look for his dictation machine and find out how Barack likes his coffee. Because dammit, he’s going to be a better secretary than Hillary ever was!

…call Hillary to see which state he is secretary of, and find out where the other 49 hang out

…Weep openly while muttering ” thank God I finally have a job where Theresa can’t follow me around nitpicking and make fun of me”

…said “wait….what? I thought this was for the presidency???”

…swore that the establishment of a trade pact with Moldova would be his legacy, his Sistine Chapel

By: Bob in Feenicks

Bob in Feenicks — Tue, 19 Feb 2013 05:48:37 +0000

…was to sear the details of Benghazi in his memory.

By: Ernie G

Ernie G — Tue, 19 Feb 2013 02:39:03 +0000

…was to get the door slammed in his face by the Russians.

By: Writer

Writer — Tue, 19 Feb 2013 02:30:00 +0000

. . . was to sign a full formal Alliance with Vietnam, ecause they had been his loyal friends and largest Campaign contributors for so many years.

By: RAML

RAML — Tue, 19 Feb 2013 02:03:32 +0000

Go on vacation, excuse me, good will tour of every country in Europe

By: DamnCat

DamnCat — Tue, 19 Feb 2013 01:19:49 +0000

…: reporting for doody.

By: Dohtimes

Dohtimes — Mon, 18 Feb 2013 21:57:25 +0000

…was to remove the peanut butter from his gums and leave the podium.

…was to finally have a State Funeral for the real star of Animal House and initiate equine rights abuse by UN.

By: Oppo

Oppo — Mon, 18 Feb 2013 21:29:37 +0000

… was to deny that he has a face like a horse, and to punish those who called him Secretariat of State.

By: Bob in Feenicks

Bob in Feenicks — Mon, 18 Feb 2013 21:26:36 +0000

…order a bunch of re-reset buttons.

By: Oppo

Oppo — Mon, 18 Feb 2013 20:54:53 +0000

… was to call the IRS. With a membership list of the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth. But don’t worry about it.

By: Oppo

Oppo — Mon, 18 Feb 2013 20:34:50 +0000

… was to announce the State Dept.’s new motto, “Keep Commie and Kerry On.”

By: Jimmy

Jimmy — Mon, 18 Feb 2013 20:33:47 +0000

…was announcing that, like Hillary, he won’t be performing any “official acts” that could be assigned blame.

By: Oppo

Oppo — Mon, 18 Feb 2013 20:32:32 +0000

… was to see if he could have the Ship of State docked in Newport, Rhode Island.

By: Oppo

Oppo — Mon, 18 Feb 2013 20:25:14 +0000

… was to announce that he was replacing checkbook diplomacy with “Cash & Kerry.”

By: Dohtimes

Dohtimes — Mon, 18 Feb 2013 20:23:54 +0000

…was to brag that he would never get his panties in a wad, showing off his new suspenders and the latest from Fredericks of Hollywood.

By: Ironic Stompin'

Ironic Stompin' — Mon, 18 Feb 2013 20:17:14 +0000

…formally requested the position title be changed to “Administrative Professional of State” and sent out his wish list of gifts so people would have enough time to shop for Administrative Professional Day.

By: Dohtimes

Dohtimes — Mon, 18 Feb 2013 20:11:48 +0000

…find out if worlds perception of America is one of a Beavis or a Butthead.

…was to put on his pantsuit one leg at a time without any help, on just his fourth try.

…saluted the nearest American flag, then applied for a Purple Heart for smoke inhalation.

By: Oppo

Oppo — Mon, 18 Feb 2013 20:09:24 +0000

… was to try to get hold of the keys to that second Oval Office.

By: Oppo

Oppo — Mon, 18 Feb 2013 20:07:14 +0000

… was to assure everyone that his appointment “will not give the term SOS new meaning.”

By: Oppo

Oppo — Mon, 18 Feb 2013 20:05:22 +0000

… was to call Hagel and say “Man, these confirmation hearings are a breeze, huh, Chuck?”

By: NO_MO_BAMA

NO_MO_BAMA — Mon, 18 Feb 2013 20:02:16 +0000

. . . was to put on the really sweet sperm cell outfit that he used during his presidential campaign. John-Kerry and the penis straw What do you expect from a dick like him?

By: Son of Bob

Son of Bob — Mon, 18 Feb 2013 19:51:32 +0000

…Change his Facebook relationship status to “It’s Complicated,” because maybe Christy Walton (widow of John Walton of Walmart, worth $25.3 billion) will return his calls now that he’s Secretary of State.