Straight Line of the Day: The Weirdest Thing About Michelle Obama’s Appearance at the Oscars…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

The weirdest thing about Michelle Obama’s appearance at the Oscars…

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  1. … that she put down the rack of bbq ribs for the entire duration of the appearance

    … that she didn’t have time to shave before such a high profile appearance

    … that it only cost Harvey Weinstein only a couple of campaign contributions to get the First Lady to jump when he said “jump”

    … that anyone was still watching

    … that she didn’t chastise Adelle for being fat

    … that she didn’t say “daddy sends his love” to Jamie Fox

  2. …the soldiers and airmen in the background. (As a former Army officer I interpret the expressions on their faces–smiling like idiots–as “I have been ordered to put on my mess dress uniform and be here, smiling, as background for yet another self agrandizing appearance.” Not likely that on a ‘typical’ evening she just happens to be hanging out with a gagle of military personnel all in their best dress uniforms.)

  3. …was when told a fish-eye lens was needed to frame her entire head she asked if she could eat the rest of the fish.

    …she announced that Barack was suing Mel Gibson for not paying him for using his likeness in The Passion Of The Christ.

    …her reenactment of Meg Ryan’s fake O scene and capping it off by saying I’ll have fries with that.

  4. …is that she had the bravery and thick skin to appear at an event where she’d have to risk being in front of so many people that might not be fans of her after that whole NASCAR fiasco.

    …is that almost half of the Academy Awards’ craft services budget was spent in Washington DC.

    …is that she didn’t win “Best Production Design” for using military personel as props and set dressing so skillfully in her appearance

    …is how Christin Stewart claimed that her leg was miraculously healed when Michelle Obama appeared on the screen

    …is that someone is now trying to sell the screen on which Michelle Obama appeared as a holy relic on which the image of St. Michelle appeared

    …is how many participants described Michelle’s appearace as “sobering”

    …is how Clooney had to “rearrange” himself after Michelle appeared on the screen

  5. …she got down on her knees to thank Hollywood for her SAG card and then tearfully tore off her boob belt.

    …was saying she wished to God she had watched The Crying Game before getting married, but at least her kids weren’t adopted like most of the ones in Hollywood seem to be.

  6. …was how Harvey Weinstein had to settle for her because he couldn’t meet Honey Boo-Boo’s “ask” for the cold-read.

    …was how Spielberg was overheard saying Harvey thinks he’s trumping me with her?!? The schmuck! A Bonobo wrapped in tinfoil could do better!

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