Straight Line of the Day: While Playing Golf With Tiger Woods, Obama…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

While playing golf with Tiger Woods, Obama…

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  1. …said, “It seems like every 3 months 10 minutes around here, there’s some manufactured crisis… like this putt.

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  2. …said “I left the b!tch at home like you said…now show me how to get me some hoes!”

    …said “I didn’t bring Michelle because I thought you meand “G.O.L.F golf, not GOLF golf!” (guys only, ladies forbidden, commonly used bachelor party acronym for “there’s gonna be strippers and stuff you don’t want your significant other to know about”

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  3. ….would not keep count of his strokes, citing the new official White House “What Does It Matter?” policy.

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  4. …kept talking about his balls. “Yeah,” he said on the phone, “I’m playing with Tiger. I have balls.” Too bad he lost his balls by the sixth hole.

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  5. …kept referring to Reggie Love as the 19th hole.

    …had to pull his shotgun three times when attacked by wild skeet.

    …sneered and said only Michelle counts strokes and wanted him to break par.

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  6. ….met with Snoop and Spike on the back nine, broke out the spliffs and chalices of Courvoisier, got his blaze and drank on, and kicked it one-percent brotha stylee.

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  7. While playing golf with Tiger Woods, Obama… and the Republicans on the Ides of March, they stopped for a bit of lunch

    Tiger order a Ceasar Salad. The Republicans ordered a dish served cold, and Obama, well, you know what he got!

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  8. …asked Tiger if he thinks Americans will forgive him if he goes to spending addiction rehab

    …said “ok, NOW you’re exempt from paying taxes”

    …played like he was in the Special Olympics or something

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  9. …after a few drinks tried to convince Tiger to sneak onto Rush Limbaugh’s property and leave a burning sack of dog poop on his front porch

    …asked his Secret Service agents to round up some hookers them…since they know where to get the best ones.

    …said “you know, Sharia law is actually not that bad…you get to have as many chicks as you want and if they complain, you have them beheaded

    …ordered his propaganda department to photoshop up a picture of him playing golf

    …said “hey, why don’t we make this game more interesting?”…so they stopped playing.

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  10. Obama asked for help with his slice, to which Tiger responded “after 4 years, it’s pretty obvious that nothing is going to stop you from going left”

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  11. …thought he noticed his drooling, half-brother among the onlookers and then let loose his 3-wood into the trees.

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  12. …revealed he was there because George Soros said, “We’re done with you. Go back to the golf course and work on your putz”

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  13. …employed the use of his new graphite shaft to beat Tiger (the graphics shaft in his pencil that is).

    …used SEAL Team 6 to take out Tiger’s ball on every hole.

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  14. …told Tiger he wasn’t using Titleist balls anymore but ones from his new, Stimulus-funded, start-up company called “Entitleist.” He then drove his ball into a swamp.

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  15. …was able to use his wood on the last hole, when the Viagra finally took effect.

    …was obviously perturbed when using Eric Holder instead of a tee his lies actually turned out to be far worse than planned.

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  16. began to cry. Then explained, “I just can’t believe I get to play golf with my HERO! I wanna be JUST LIKE YOU!”

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  17. … described how long he watched Biden try to put the frisbee in the hole, the last time they played this course.

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  18. …talked about how he had Biden fitted with a shock collar because, the last time he played Frolf with the Veep, Biden kept running off with the Frisbee, barking, and sniffing Obama’s hind end.

    [HT to #62]

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  19. …..sliced his ball into the woods, and heads off in search of his ball, which he finds behind a large tree. After considering his position , and not wanting to take a drop and lose a stroke , he decides to hook the ball around the tree. He swings, the ball hits the tree, ricochets back at him, and instantly kills him. When he opens his eyes, he sees Satan standing before him. “Am I dead”? ask Obama. “Yes, my son,” replies Satan, who looks the man over and notices his clubs. “I see you’re a golfer,” Satan says. “Are you any good?” Obama replies “Hey, I got here in two, didn’t I?” 🙂

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  20. … complained, “I need a bigger putt hole.” The punchline to this joke has been extraordinarily renditioned.

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  21. … said “I didn’t know why the Joint Chiefs said I needed to stop vacationing and pay attention to the golf situation right away; but the joke’s on them — this is a vacation, too!”

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  22. …cried every time the ball ended up in the pond. -The media reported Obama turned water into whine.

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  23. Pingback: IMAO » Blog Archive » You’ve Been Judged!

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