Straight Line of the Day: While Playing Golf With Tiger Woods, Obama…

Posted on February 19, 2013 12:00 pm

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

While playing golf with Tiger Woods, Obama…

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85 Responses to “Straight Line of the Day: While Playing Golf With Tiger Woods, Obama…”

  1. rodney dill says:

    Was never far from Woods (or even out of)

  2. rodney dill says:

    …always improved his lies…

    …always had the best lies… which he tells frequently.

  3. rodney dill says:

    …restricted the press as he didn’t want them to see his putz.

  4. Mrs. Campbell says:


  5. gsmtiger says:

    …made sure the press couldn’t follow him, because God forbid he be seen as bad at golf!

  6. gsmtiger says:

    …called drone strikes on Tiger’s shots to make sure he never got par.

  7. gsmtiger says:

    …tried to pull the race card when he lost.

  8. gsmtiger says:

    …asked Tiger if he had any good dog recipies.

  9. Jimmy says:

    …said, “It seems like every 3 months 10 minutes around here, there’s some manufactured crisis… like this putt.

  10. Marc says:

    …kept muttering “you didn’t hit that shot, someone else made that happen.”

  11. blarg says:

    …said “I left the b!tch at home like you said…now show me how to get me some hoes!”

    …said “I didn’t bring Michelle because I thought you meand “G.O.L.F golf, not GOLF golf!” (guys only, ladies forbidden, commonly used bachelor party acronym for “there’s gonna be strippers and stuff you don’t want your significant other to know about”

  12. blarg says:

    …said “too bad we couldn’t get O.J. out here too…woudda been perfect.”

  13. DamnCat says:

    ..excused his poor performance by claiming that he’s spent all his time lately shooting skeet.

  14. Conservatarian says:

    …was treated to lunch at Perkins.

  15. rodney dill says:

    ….pulled on his socks too hard and got a hole in one.

  16. FredKey says:

    …offered Tiger some golf advice.

  17. Genghis Khen says:

    …shot a 10 under par by redistributing most of his strokes.

  18. CTCompromise says:

    …was on vacation AGAIN…..REALLY???!!

  19. DamnCat says:

    …offered Tiger the honor of carrying his clubs.

  20. CTCompromise says:

    …won the “number of cultures in my background” contest.

  21. CTCompromise says:

    always hooked to the left.

  22. CTCompromise says: some useful marital advice.

  23. CTCompromise says:

    ….did not mention his insistence on taxing the crap out of the richest citizens.

  24. CTCompromise says:

    ….would not keep count of his strokes, citing the new official White House “What Does It Matter?” policy.

  25. CTCompromise says:

    …recounted the story of the time he caddied for the Dahli Lama.

  26. Jimmy says:

    …was confused when Tiger brought up “tax breaks for golf clubs.”

  27. Grand Larsen E. says:

    Said,”Putter? I don’t even know her! And what if the wife found out?

  28. Roflwagon says:

    was jealous that he didn’t have women in binders

  29. Apostic says:

    …had more Mulligans than an Irish phonebook.

  30. Jimmy says:

    …led Tiger from behind.

  31. Apostic says:

    …kept talking about his balls. “Yeah,” he said on the phone, “I’m playing with Tiger. I have balls.” Too bad he lost his balls by the sixth hole.

  32. Apostic says:

    …got hungry on the 11th hole; he heard it had a long dogleg.

  33. Jimmy says:

    …blushed when someone said, “You’ve got a Tiger by the tail!”

  34. Jimmy says:

    …objected when Tiger told him not to get caught in those white traps.

  35. Dohtimes says:

    …kept referring to Reggie Love as the 19th hole.

    …had to pull his shotgun three times when attacked by wild skeet.

    …sneered and said only Michelle counts strokes and wanted him to break par.

  36. Bunkerhillbilly says:

    ….met with Snoop and Spike on the back nine, broke out the spliffs and chalices of Courvoisier, got his blaze and drank on, and kicked it one-percent brotha stylee.

  37. Carpenter says:

    While playing golf with Tiger Woods, Obama… and the Republicans on the Ides of March, they stopped for a bit of lunch

    Tiger order a Ceasar Salad. The Republicans ordered a dish served cold, and Obama, well, you know what he got!

  38. blarg says:

    …asked Tiger if he thinks Americans will forgive him if he goes to spending addiction rehab

    …said “ok, NOW you’re exempt from paying taxes”

    …played like he was in the Special Olympics or something

  39. blarg says:

    …after a few drinks tried to convince Tiger to sneak onto Rush Limbaugh’s property and leave a burning sack of dog poop on his front porch

    …asked his Secret Service agents to round up some hookers them…since they know where to get the best ones.

    …said “you know, Sharia law is actually not that bad…you get to have as many chicks as you want and if they complain, you have them beheaded

    …ordered his propaganda department to photoshop up a picture of him playing golf

    …said “hey, why don’t we make this game more interesting?”…so they stopped playing.

  40. rodney dill says:

    …sent drones after the other players on the course because he misunderstood when Tiger asked him if he could, “Kill the Gophers.”

  41. phreshone says:

    … Obama said “you may have screwed a bunch of pornstars, but I screwed an entire nation”

  42. phreshone says:

    Obama asked for help with his slice, to which Tiger responded “after 4 years, it’s pretty obvious that nothing is going to stop you from going left”

  43. Dohtimes says:

    …admitted he really kept the press away because he wanted to flog.

  44. DamnCat says:

    …blamed House Republicans for his missed putts.

  45. Dohtimes says:

    …demonstrated why every bunker can be a pot bunker if you let it.

  46. Heftyjo says:

    …asked him if he’s ever kissed another man before.

  47. Dohtimes says:

    …got a little embarrassed when he took five strokes to get out of the litter box at Tiger’s house.

  48. Jimmy says:

    …handed in a edited, PDF version of his scoring card when the game was over.

  49. rodney dill says:

    …blamed Bush for his high score.

  50. Jimmy says:

    …thought he noticed his drooling, half-brother among the onlookers and then let loose his 3-wood into the trees.

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