Straight Line of the Day: While Visiting France, Joe Biden…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

While visiting France, Joe Biden…

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  1. … accepted the award of “Le pouf-célèbre.” [I assume CTCompromise and Rodney Dill will get the Monty Python reference]

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  2. … got his speech and his facts all ready for his next stop, the UK’s security council, where he said — this is NOT made up —- “I spent half my life on OUR national security council.”

    n fact, Biden has only been on the U.S. National Security Council for four years [-Daniel Halper, The Weekly Standard, “Biden Gaffes His Way Across Europe,” Feb 5, 2013]

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  3. …asked every French speaking person he met if he had also served in Vietnam.

    …got angry when informed that cursing and saying pardon my French did not make him bilingual.

    …told Francois Hollande that he had learned that fat, drunk and stupid was the way to go through life for the lower classes, but smelly, arrogant and really really stupid was French model of politics that the leftist elites in America had followed for decades.

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  4. @26: Heh-heh.

    …. was deeply moved that they named a fixture after him. “But my name ends in an ‘n,’ ” he said, “not a ‘t.’ “

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  5. @23 said:

    …told Francois Hollande that he had learned that fat, drunk and stupid was the way to go through life for the lower classes, but smelly, arrogant and really really stupid was [the] French model of politics that the leftist elites in America had followed for decades.

    I don’t think Biden would say something that sophisticated.

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  6. … did a sad real-life Abbott and Costello routine:

    “I’m going to meet the president of this country?”
    “Hollande.”
    “I mean France.”
    “Oui, Hollande.”
    “Look, all I’m trying to find out is, who is the president of this country?”
    “Hollande.”
    “No, France.”
    …. ad infinitum. He is probably still at it.

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  7. …wore a fake hump to the Notre Dame Cathedral, kept having his ‘hump’ move from one side to the other, or disappear altogether.

    …at the Notre Dame Cathedral kept asking to see ‘Touchdown Jesus.’

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  8. …asked if he could see the guillotine in action

    …spoke to his French hosts in German because the two nations had been allies during WW II.

    …asked if he could be taken to Celine Dion’s birthplace since he was such a fan of French folk music.

    …wanted to see The Joe DiMaggio Line.

    …said he was told that The Napoleon Complex was actually a series of very small buildings and Biden, being over five feet tall, was worried about not being able to fit through the doors.

    …wanted to lay a wreath at the grave of Jim Morrison because he was interested in honoring a national hero of France.

    …wondered if he was going to have to visit that museum honoring French slatted-blinds called ‘The Loov-ree”

    …asked his French hosts where he could get “a Royale with cheese”.

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  9. Wow, you can hardly walk into a 7-11 without having a slight French accent. What? Sept-Onze? You crazy Frogs!

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  10. … Had to write a check for 75% of his income to come in.

    … Was informed that his mother was a hamster and his father smelled of elderberries an that he was both an empty headed animal food trough wiper and an electric donkey bottom biter. He then wend and boiled his bottom.

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  11. … Had to hide inside a giant wooden rabbit to get in

    … Said he had never been to this part of Canada before

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  12. …when visiting Notre Dame Cathedral asked where the Four Horsemen were buried, and was it near Noot Rock-knee’s grave.

    …wore an 18th century silk brocade outfit, a powdered wig, knee stockings, shoes with big buckles, lots of makeup on his face and kept running around the room saying “Bon-jerr, bon-jerr, monn-sewer, vooley voo kooshay av-ick mwah, mercy bucket!”

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  13. @ Bunkerhillbilly: “…asked if he could see the guillotine in action”

    … asked for a menage a trois so he could see two guillotines in action….

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  14. …learned that le pissour publique was more of a noun than a verb and unlike himself, French policemen know that it’s not raining.

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  15. was astonished that federal prisoners were allowed to roam the streets as long as they didn’t speak….

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  16. …when at Notre Dame Cathedral he said he “was a big fan of The Four Horsemen”, wondered how difficult it was to teach centaurs to play football, were the French teaching them to just play soccer these days and would it be possible to get a “rescue centaur” as a gift for Obama’s oldest daughter, Malia.

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  17. … couldn’t figure out why Paris wasn’t just a walk away from the Venetian, Caesar’s Palace, MGM, and Mandalay Bay.

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  18. …asked if he would get to meet her little dog Tinkerbell when he found out he was staying at the Paris Hilton.

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  19. Pingback: IMAO » Blog Archive » You’ve Been Judged!

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