Ten More Joe Biden Gun Tips

Posted on February 20, 2013 1:00 pm

Joe Biden was recently explaining to people that an AR-15 is bad for home defense and instead advised, “Buy a shotgun! Buy a shotgun!” Of course, that left people wondering what other great gun tips Biden has. Well, lucky for you, IMAO was able to obtain a list Joe Biden wrote himself of all his gun tips:


* Never put a gun barrel in your mouth. If you’re curious what your gun tastes like, it’s much safer to just lick around the barrel.

* A gun makes a decent hammer in a pinch, but is hard to use as a screwdriver.

* Make sure to loudly announce, “I am firing a gun!” right before you fire your gun so people know what that sound is.

* Guns are literally the loudest things ever and scare things that don’t like loud noises, like women.

* All the rules of safety for a bullet gun also applies to a glue gun. Ignore those rules, and end up with your head stuck to a table.

* A shotgun is much better for home defense and safer than an AR-15. And even better and safer is a Super Soaker filled with acid.

* A great way to carry a gun is to tie it to your head. Then someone can’t try to grab your gun without you seeing.

* You can check if a gun is of a decent caliber by sticking your index finger in the barrel. If your finger can go in but gets stuck when you try to pull it out, then the gun is just the right caliber for you.

* You can’t tell if a gun is loaded by looking down the barrel unless you have a flashlight.

* You can use a gun to defend yourself and still resolve things peacefully. For instance, you can offer to trade your gun to a criminal in exchange for not hurting you.

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24 Responses to “Ten More Joe Biden Gun Tips”

  1. Joe Biden’s Gun Tips | Shall Not Be Questioned links:

    […] IMAO has posted a list of gun tips offered to Americans by our brilliant and thoughtful Vice President. […]

  2. Oppo says:

    If you see a rape in progress, do not give your gun to either the rapist or the woman. Both are equally dangerous.

  3. Dohtimes says:

    *If you wake up and a bear is eating you just stick your shotgun outside the tent and fire both-I REPEAT- both barrels into the air.

    *When not sleeping in a tent keep firing your shotgon continuously into the air just to be safe.

  4. Jimmy says:

    * Pink guns don’t scare criminals. But they do make them think of parties with cake and ice cream and sprinkles! So, that can work in your (party) favor.

    * Carrying loaded magazines in your pocket is a bad idea. You might get shot there and cause a chain reaction, severing your leg at the hip. Plus, it’ll hurt.

    * If the butt stock of your gun isn’t long enough to reach your shoulder, get a bigger butt – or try a longer stock.

    * Don’t hold your gun close to your nose. It might cut blow off your nose despite your face.

  5. proof says:

    Joe Biden gun tip: “Don’t pick yours up while the Secret Service are around or they’ll say mean and hurtful things to you.”

  6. Oppo says:

    Before pulling the trigger, remember that “aiming down the barrel” means looking through the wedge-y things on top, not through the barrel itself.

  7. Jimmy says:

    * If you’re going to use subsonic rounds, it’s only polite to inform your neighbors first so they’ll know bullets may be coming their way.

  8. Jimmy says:

    But please do it q.u.i.e.t.l.y.

  9. Marc says:

    “A gun makes a decent hammer in a pinch, but is hard to use as a screwdriver” also makes a decent drill. Be sure to have lots of guns in different calibers so you can make different sized holes.

  10. Oppo says:

    If you surrender your pistol to a mugger, even if you had put the safety on he can still pistol-whip you with it.

  11. blarg says:

    best tip of all –

    if you just CONSENT to whatever the attacker wants from you, then you will have prevented the crime from ever happening! Remember every time you shoot a criminal, you’re probably eliminating a Democrat vote…although dead voters DO almost unanimously vote Democrate as well, but why take the chance? By consenting to whatever the attacker wants, you’re not only preventing a crime, but preserving a vote.

  12. Son of Bob says:

    When being attacked by a rapist, calmly inform the rapist that he is in a “safe zone.” At that point, the rapist should apologize for the misunderstanding and run off. If, however, the rapist continues with his attack, calmly ask him to press the button on the nearest “police call box” for you, so that you can report the rape in order that the police send someone out to make a report of your rape. If neither of these approaches seem to help, hit him with your whistle or loudly ask if anyone nearby has a pair of scissors you can borrow.

  13. Bill Twist says:

    * You can’t tell if a gun is loaded by looking down the barrel unless you have a flashlight.

    Actually, I do that all the time with my flintlock when cleaning it. You have to do that to see if you’ve got all the fouling off of the breech face.

    Of course, the real way to know if a muzzleloader is loaded is to add the number of times you’ve loaded it and the number of times you’ve fired it, then divide the sum by 2. If the result isn’t even, the gun is loaded.

  14. Oppo says:

    Confiscating guns is a time-honored American tradition. Delta and Jet Blue, too, if I’m not mistaken.

  15. blarg says:

    @Son of Bob ….and don’t forget to soil yourself!

  16. CTCompromise says:

    A shotgun may be great for defending your home against 1 or 2 criminals, but if you are defending your home against looting which always breaks out after a natural disaster or rioting which always breaks out over an internet movie – and find yourself defending your house (or business) against,…oh, say….15 criminals-you need something that will more evenly match the number of criminals involved. When defending yourself and your home against Congress, you would need a weapon capable of shooting about….oh, say… 535 rounds quickly!

  17. Marc says:

    Practice shouting the phrase “I have a ball-point pen and I am not afraid to use it”, but not a fountain pen, they are too pointy and dangerous.

  18. Oppo says:

    A good way to make foreigners run for cover is an asteroid; but Vice President Biden has done research and believes that guns are more controllable.

  19. Oppo says:

    Gun tip from Biden:

    Never assault or pepper a prepper;
    You may get peppered right back.
    They’re never in season,
    Won’t listen to reason,
    And, like spices, some have been in Iraq.

  20. Oppo says:

    Gun tip from Biden:

    Shooting someone at point-blank range does not leave them with smoke coming off their head, a sooty frowning face, and ragged clothes. Don’t ask how he knows this.

  21. Jimmy says:

    * If you’ve ever had your finger pinched in a trigger, you’re either squeezing too much, or not enough.

    * There is no reason to deny female spastics their right of gun ownership, as long as it’s shotguns, and if they might be raped.

    * Firing a long gun with one arm is not recommended, unless you’re Arnold Schwarzenegger.

  22. CaptMidnight says:

    No matter how funny it seems at the time, never give your gun to a monkey. Evidence: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GhxqIITtTtU

  23. Snackeater says:

    Shotguns are much more effective than assault rifles—why do you think the double barrel shotgun is the standard issue weapon in the US Army?

  24. John W. says:

    If someone with a gun attacks you, and you have a shotgun, just try to shoot the gun out of his hand so you don’t hurt him . Much.

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