So we had the State of the Union address last night. And Obama was all like, “You know that stuff I promised to do those last four years and never did? Well, I’m totally going to do it now!” And then he was like, “We don’t have a spending problem. We have a not spending enough problem! And I’m going to claim it won’t add to the deficit because I have as much disdain for math as I do for guns.” And then he ended with, “And we need more background checks. Because that’s why there’s so much violence in Chicago and why people crazy people can steal guns from his mom: Not enough background checks! I am a serious person.”
Then afterwards, Marco Rubio gave the Republican response and was like, “What an idiot! Look at the last four years; this guy doesn’t know what he’s doing. Don’t listen to him. And furthermore… Ooh! I’m thirsty!” And then Rubio drank water and everyone was like, “Dude! He’s drinking water! This is insane!”
Finally, Rand Paul gave the Tea Party response. It was about freedom or something.
I didn’t watch any of the speeches.