The Super Important Issue of the Day: Reducing Our Nuclear Stockpile

Posted on February 11, 2013 11:00 am

Obama really is on the pulse of the nation. After looking around at the economy, gas prices, employment, and rising cost of living, Obama has determined that the problem we have is too many nuclear weapons and he’s going to get working on that.

I never really got the whole point of nuclear weapons reduction. I mean, what do we care if Russia can nuke us five times over or only three. On the other hand, it does make a huge difference whether a place like Iran or North Korea has zero nuclear weapons versus one. But I doubt this plan of Obama’s will be about reducing those countries’ nuclear weapons back to zero, as that would be something useful, and something useful is pretty much anathema to Obama.

If I were president, I’d push hard for nuclear disarmament too. Because think of it: What if it worked? What if I got all countries to get rid of their nuclear weapons? And then I’d reveal I tricked them and still had all my nuclear weapons and once again America is the sole nuclear power in the world! Bow before us puny other nations!

It probably wouldn’t work, but we’d be dumb not to try!

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11 Responses to “The Super Important Issue of the Day: Reducing Our Nuclear Stockpile”

  1. Vaktatunnen says:

    Just stockpiling them is an example of wretched excess. We need to use a few. This will keep the progs happy by creating some new, massive public works projects. And it will keep me happy by, well, using nuclear bombs. Everyone wins.

  2. Son of Bob says:

    Which is destroying the country: too many nukes or too many bureaucrats? If we’re looking to have less of something harmful, I’m guessing nukes are not the problem.

  3. rodney dill says:

    Let’s reduce by just 1, send it to Tehran… special delivery.

  4. NO_MO_BAMA says:

    Why doesn’t he just sell them like Al Gore did?

  5. FredKey says:

    Why do I suspect the Moon is somehow involved in your master plan?

  6. storm1911 says:

    Obama just wants to please his guy crush, Putin. If Obama gets rid of some nukes, maybe Putin will tell Obama how to pull off macho while wearng mom jeans.

    In fact, Obama wants his pal Al Kada to take those nukes and those pesky laundh codes off his hands. They will know how to dispose of them.

  7. CTCompromise says:

    as that would be something useful, and something useful…for the United States of America….. is pretty much anathema to Obama.

    There, I fixed it.

  8. Matt Musson says:

    Question for the day: Would Lincoln have used a nuclear device against the Confederacy?

    Trick question – of course he would have. The only question is where he would have detonated his
    first one?

  9. Professor Hale says:

    “The only question is where he would have detonated his
    first one?”

    We already have that answer: Petersberg, VA. Home of the “crater”. Good tactic, just needed more explosive.

  10. John D says:

    I’m not in favor of banning all nuclear weapons, just the “military-style” nuclear weapons. The kind that have pistol grips and detachable, high capacity “clips.” Oh, and bayonet lugs. There’s nothing that scares me more than a nuclear weapon with a bayonet attached.

    In keeping with the Second Amendment, it would be legal to possess “legitimate” nuclear weapons, the kind used by hunters. Provided they’re all registered. And the owners submit to background checks.

  11. Wombat says:

    Reduce our inventory…lessee here, one for North Korea, One for Iran, maybe one for Somalia, one for Syria, One for the new Palestine, save several for China and several more for the former USSR crowd, save one for Mexico just in case, tell the UK if they don’t watch we’ll save one for them too, tell California if they don’t watch it we’ll use one on them, ditto last for D.C., Chicago and Cuba; there the inventory is reduced, not by much, but I don’t recall anyone how much we were supposed to reduce it.

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