Remember when Jesus cursed the fig tree? I wish I could do that when a breakfast bar runs out of bacon.

— sammy rhodes (@prodigalsam) February 5, 2013

Current relationship status: not bothering to delete Internet history.

— Sixth Form Poet (@sixthformpoet) February 5, 2013

I’ll know I’ve finally made it when I’m no longer the only one posting naked photos of me on the internet.

— Shari VanderWerf (@shariv67) February 5, 2013

Rice pilaf is stupid and pointless.

— Charlÿ (@chuck_dizzle) February 5, 2013

Is it okay to waterboard somebody who’s on fire from a drone strike? #AsktheDOJ

— David Burge (@iowahawkblog) February 5, 2013

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