To all American Al Qaeda members fearful of death-by-drone: RUN TO GITMO NOW! Obama will treat you like a king.#thatisall
— Michael Graham (@IAMMGraham) February 6, 2013
I have good news & bad news *Opens box, dead rat falls out* OK, it wasn’t supposed to be dead. Which news do you think that was going to be?
— Conor Lastowka (@clastowka) February 6, 2013
COLD WAR FACT: the Soviets built their own model of Tom Jones, but it was poorly designed and exploded on contact with first tossed bra.
— BillCorbett (@BillCorbett) February 6, 2013
Jamie Foxx mistakes him for Jesus and Chris Rock mistakes him for his dad, Obama might want to start wearing a name tag or something.
— Larry Correia (@monsterhunter45) February 6, 2013
Wise men talk because they have something to say. Fools talk because they have to say something. Plato said that. But I said it first.
— Mr. T (@MrT) February 6, 2013
Siri, how can you tell the difference between when a dog’s being friendly and when a dog’s being flirty?
— Zooey Asks Siri (@ZooeySiri) February 6, 2013
Fell asleep at the wheel. (of cheese)
— Sean Gabay (@ixSEANxi) February 6, 2013
“Sorry ladies, you have to undergo a full universal background check to view this gun show” – #worstpickuplines
— Matthew Trexler (@MatthewTrexler) February 6, 2013
Any banned gun not involved in a crime should get a “path to legalization.”
— Giles (@GilesMcK) February 6, 2013