So CPAC is over, and I’m sure at it they concluded things like “conservatism is good.” But the big question with Obama being reelected is how do we get more people in the conservative movement. Here are my ideas:
HOW TO GET MORE PEOPLE INTERESTED IN THE CONSERVATIVE MOVEMENT
* Show how math can be fun… and even if you don’t find it fun, it can kill you so pay attention to it.
* Make the main part of next year’s CPAC a dancing, singing, cooking competition where you bid on storage lockers.
* Make freedom “hip” by getting a cool mascot like a dog wearing sunglasses.
* Play pop music at conservative events and instruct everyone to pretend to like it. Distribute powerful sedatives if needed.
* Remind teens they’re supposed to be anti-establishment — i.e., not rally around the most powerful man in the world who keeps trying to increase his power while refusing transparency.
* Within in the next ten years, make it the goal for the conservative movement to be at least 15% robots.
* Everyone who joins the conservative movement gets a puppy. No kicking.
* Start educating kids at an early age on the importance of punching hippies.
* Try to find some way to make responsibility more popular, like coming up with a name for it that will appeal to youth such as “bieber-ism.”
* Maybe just give up on conservatism as a political movement and instead have it become a chain of restaurants that makes a burger patty entirely out of bacon. $1 extra for gravy.
What are your ideas?