11 Things to Look Out for in the Sequester
SEQUESTER!!!!!1!11!!eleventy!!1!!
The sequester is has started! Blogging it probably going to be light as I need to count the shotgun shells in my sequester shelter. How we’re going to survive with the federal government 2% smaller I don’t know, but we need to try.
Here are some things to look out for during the sequester:
* Days will be shorter.
* Previously friendly dogs may attack.
* The earth will be unstable and could break open.
* Fewer daily deals on Amazon.
* The moon may drift out or the earth’s orbit.
* Chance of birdemic outbreak increased by 3%.
* 170 million jobs will be lost.
* Squirrels will overrun parks.
* Vampires will lost their sparkle.
* You may start to get a Canadian accent.
* More short blog posts made to look longer using lists.
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March 1st, 2013 at 11:05 am
“How we’re going to survive with the federal government 2% smaller ” well the government will still be bigger than last year, just 2% less bloating. Still not sure how that works out to a cut…”my raise this year was only 3% not 5% so I got a 2% pay cut!”
“More short blog posts made to look longer using lists.” add extra space between bullet points for added bloat.
March 1st, 2013 at 11:07 am
The sequester is a direct result of global warming. ~ Al Gore, Determined to make money off this situation somehow.
March 1st, 2013 at 11:11 am
Sequester? What’s that all aboot, eh?
March 1st, 2013 at 11:14 am
* Obama won’t have the money to keep the sea levels from rising.
March 1st, 2013 at 11:19 am
Sequestration now, sequestration tomorrow, sequestration forever. ~ George Wallace, back from the grave with a new cause.
March 1st, 2013 at 11:21 am
* Laughing at Frank’s jokes could also suffer from a 2% sequestration.
* Video games will play slower and more erratically.
* Frank’s computer may crash more often because he’s playing too many video games!
March 1st, 2013 at 11:22 am
E=MC 2…Einstein’s theory of sequestration.
March 1st, 2013 at 11:28 am
* Monkeys will get meaner. They don’t like being sequestered. Solution? Fire your shotgun through the door!!!!11!!
March 1st, 2013 at 11:35 am
* Fewer hats for Buttercup.
March 1st, 2013 at 11:37 am
“* Squirrels will overrun parks.”
* Only those who had the foresight to stock up on .22 ammo will be able to feed their families.
March 1st, 2013 at 11:39 am
* More babies will be born – particularly to Frank.
March 1st, 2013 at 11:41 am
@Jimmy
I thought it was SarahK who was having the baby. So their having twins?
March 1st, 2013 at 11:42 am
All I know, DamnCat, is that Frank is having (getting?) another baby.
March 1st, 2013 at 11:46 am
Obama wants this to happen. Its a part of the Cloward-Piven Strategy which Obama has adopted as his own. Overload the system until it breaks. That what the 45 Communist Goals were all about.
Obama and his Marxists Are Grinding America Down! I know they look like fools but they are winning.
please see RedState dot com’s article
Agenda: How Marxists Are Grinding America Down
February 28th, 2013
and watch the Movie/Documentary Grinding America Down
vimeo .com /52009124
March 1st, 2013 at 11:47 am
Ppl wll strt usng fwr vwls.
March 1st, 2013 at 11:55 am
Biden’s advice will be even less reliable.
First lady’s daily caloric intake plummets to quadruple digits.
March 1st, 2013 at 11:59 am
Apstc, vwls r mstly unncssry. Oops!
March 1st, 2013 at 12:17 pm
Is sequestration a perfect example of the Peter Principle in action? Could be. ~ Laurence J. Peter, principle.
March 1st, 2013 at 12:21 pm
Assault magazines, I mean clips, will leap off of the shelves and assualt people.
With less emplotess to help, govenment workers may well have to actually, well, work. The horror, the horror.
Greasy Joe Biden will say more kooky things with a few less handlers.
March 1st, 2013 at 12:48 pm
It’s very sad that we’ve gotten this far along. As if the A-quester and the B-quester weren’t scary enough.
March 1st, 2013 at 1:15 pm
You will see strange behavior in major applicances and dogs and cats will be sleeping together!
menendez will have to pay for his own underage hookers
glasses will be less half full
March 1st, 2013 at 1:33 pm
I keep seeing everybody make fun of Maxine Waters for saying we’ll lose more jobs than there are workers in America, those people just look ignorant.
You realize we’re going to lose all those jobs Obama Saved or Created?
And what about jobs in movies, tv and video games?
Heck, I bet Mario loses his plumbing job!
So we’re not just losing real jobs, we’re losing imaginary ones!
March 1st, 2013 at 1:33 pm
@Storm1911 #19
Maybe instead of “Assault Magazines” we should start calling them “Adult Magazines” so that anyone who tries to ban them will be villified as a prude!
Is it just me? Or does “sequestration” sound like a euphemism for a loose bowel movement?
March 1st, 2013 at 1:41 pm
I thought it had something to do with sticking a bunch of shiny dots on clothing. (Distracted… shiny….)
March 1st, 2013 at 1:46 pm
@FormerHostage: Either that or you’re being set-up to be castrated (as was pointed out yesterday).
March 1st, 2013 at 2:05 pm
Ghost busting becomes a growth industry.
March 1st, 2013 at 2:23 pm
Dogs and cats living together!
March 1st, 2013 at 2:35 pm
*Wheelbarrows full of subsidy money for wheelbarrow makers will have to be delivered by hand.
March 1st, 2013 at 2:43 pm
*All statistics reduced by 2%, white guys now closer to average length and more braggadocious.
March 1st, 2013 at 2:46 pm
The White House will serve 2% fewer contaminated vegetables from Michelle’s pee patch.
March 1st, 2013 at 2:53 pm
2 objects WILL occupy the same space at the same time!
March 1st, 2013 at 2:56 pm
Sacrilege, CarolyntheMommy! Thou shalt not question St. Heisenberg!
March 1st, 2013 at 3:03 pm
Schrödinger’s cat? Dead.
March 1st, 2013 at 3:08 pm
Why? Frank crushed his box.
March 1st, 2013 at 3:56 pm
No more sequest Santa.
March 1st, 2013 at 3:57 pm
2.5 percent of the happy attitude will go out of the Department of Motor Vehicles.
March 1st, 2013 at 3:57 pm
Income taxes will be 2.5 percent less enjoyable to pay.
March 1st, 2013 at 4:06 pm
*Objects in mirror will actually be smaller.
*Universe shrinks, Michelles butt expands.
March 1st, 2013 at 4:09 pm
Negatives will be 1/50th easier to prove.
March 1st, 2013 at 4:10 pm
If I fire a shot gun blast through my front door my landlord is going to be really pissed. Plus I have to pay for it then look for somewhere to stay. Uh and I can’t. Use the landlord for a reference.
March 1st, 2013 at 4:13 pm
2 Percent Milk will be referred to as (0.02)^2 Milk
March 1st, 2013 at 4:13 pm
There may be be fewer tautologies, unless there aren’t.
March 1st, 2013 at 4:15 pm
The negative of a negative is not a positive. It’s just double damn negative.
March 1st, 2013 at 4:16 pm
Or a damn double negative, depending on your position regarding the glass’ contents.
March 1st, 2013 at 4:48 pm
Even worse, Jimmy: there WILL be such a thing as a perpetual motion machine (besides Biden’s mouth, that is)
March 1st, 2013 at 4:56 pm
I think you’re right, CarolyntheMommy, especially if you consider our “perpetual debt machine” as never ending. It just keeps going “ka-ching ka-ching” in the wrong direction (negative $ axis).