Komrade Michelle Leads Glorious Nation’s Youth in Healthy Revolution

Posted on March 22, 2013 5:38 pm

Chicago, IL (NPN State News Service) – The picturesque scene at the McCormick Place convention center in Chicago was one of true patriotism and revolution as the Dear Leader’s glorious and most beautiful wife, Comrade Michelle led our great nation’s youth in a new revolution against being a fat and lazy citizen. In an effort to mark the occasion, these young revolutionary comrades starved themselves for many hours in protest of evil greedy capitalist excess.

Our brave police forces helping out.

Our brave police forces helping out.

Said one young revolutionary, Comrade Kevin Archer a 3rd grader at Novak King Elementary School, “I do this for the revolution and to stop being fat. No good citizen should be fat. Being fat is being a capitalist traitor. I am feeling a bit sick now though.”

Comrade Michelle gives a powerful speech.

Comrade Michelle gives a powerful speech.


Many of these brave youth were near fainting when Comrade Michelle made her appearance after hours of waiting for the beginning of these glorious festivities. In an effort to keep our young comrades from failing in their duties, blessed members of our revolutionary police forces helped prop up our young heroes. Not a one of these brave children left their post during the ceremony as our brave police forces kept them from falling over with the butt of their rifles.

As Comrade Michelle delicately floated across the stage to deliver her speech, the young revolutionaries cheered as the band played our national anthem. Before speaking, a great and glorious image of our Dear Leader was gently lowered from above the stage so that all may bask in his wonder and salute the savior of our great and glorious nation. Some of the young revolutionaries, weak from hunger, were helped to salute by our brave police forces.

Comrade Michelle looked out over the glorious future of our glorious nation and said “You, comrades, are the future of our glorious nation! You are showing the rest of our comrades how to live in a patriotic way, without food and excess. It is you who will continue the revolution and destroy the capitalist fatties!”

Comrade Michelle’s speech lasted for an hour and was followed by many glorious celebrities and athletes praising the Dear Leader and decrying the evils of eating food and becoming fat like a traitorous capitalist.

Our Glorious Leader

Our Glorious Leader

One NBA basketball player said “I didn’t get to where I am today by eating food. I did it through hard work and exercise. I did it through using government programs and not through capitalism. I am where I am today by not eating and through the glorious graces of our Dear Leader, Barrack Obama!”

This was met by great cheers from the youth, as directed by our brave police forces.

The event climaxed in a spirited chant of “No Food! Let’s Move!” and then ended with another basking of and saluting the glorious countenance of our Glorious Dear Leader atop a white stallion holding the world within his fist.

After the event, one of the teachers who had helped bring these young revolutionaries to the event was heard saying “Yeah let’s move…because there’s no food!” The unidentified teacher was last seen chatting with our brave police forces.

[Cross posted at Nukingpolitics]

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8 Responses to “Komrade Michelle Leads Glorious Nation’s Youth in Healthy Revolution”

  1. Janet Napolitano says:

    Comrade Journalist!

    Please be advised that the group which you erroneously identified as Police is actually The Proletarian Forces of Peacekeeping. Which are affiliated with AttackWatch ™ which is a division of Homeland Security.

    In your enthusiasm to offer up appropriate praises to Our Enlightened and Ever-Benevolent Leader and His Endlessly-Exalted Always-First Lady it is understandable how such simple mistakes can be made.

    Repetition of this error will be judged to be an Official Disagrace an may result in a Collective Shaming or Shunning effected by your fellow Proletarians.

    Hail Leader!

    Janet Napolitano

    Comrade Secretary of The Peoples’ Mighty Homeland Security

  2. Harvey says:

    Did Obama’s glorious drone forces fly overhead in formation, stirring the hearts of the proletariat as they protected us from disloyal seditious conspirators in our midst?

  3. Writer says:

    Is it Treason to point out Dear Leader’s Wife’s extra poundage derriere?
    Who is that knocking at my doo-

  4. Janet Napolitano says:

    Comrade Writer’s post was terminated due to its tone veering into potential satire and derision of the physical embodiment of The Exalted Ever Flawless Always First Lady.

    AttackWatch ™ was notified and effected the appropriate Communication Adjustment.

    Comrade Writer will return to the embrace of the Proletariat once the Program of Re-Orientation and Philosophical Alignment has been completed at the nearest Fundamental Transformation Center.

    Hail Leader!

    Janet Napolitano

    Comrade Secretary of The Peoples’ Mighty Homeland Security

  5. Harvey says:

    Off topic, but would the person who wrote the Napolitano comments let me know who they are? I think it’s only right to give bacon where bacon is due, and I’d hate to give bacon to the wrong person.

  6. Janet Reno says:

    Oooh, Janet, they don’t think all that butch, officious writing was you!

    I mean, I know Elian has to do all my typing for me, what with the Parkinson’s and all, and he’s worth every cent I paid to Raul Castro. But I’m sure you do all your own dictation.

    I’m sure you’ll fill all of us guys in on the details at the next Gertrude Stein Memorial Dinner before we dive into our sizzling y-bone steaks.

  7. Robert B Reich says:

    OK, Harvey, you got me. I always wanted to pretend I was a big, butch Italian gal going back to when I was a boy and I’d klomp around in my six-foot tall mother’s size 14 pumps.

    Can you believe it, my dad was 6’4″, mum was an even 6′, and I’m lucky to clear 4’10″ in Richlee lifts. Dad used to love to work up old Edgar Bergen/ Mortimer Snerd bits for the Yiddish theatre. You can bet I wasn’t playing Bergen! Mortimer Snerd he had me do because he wouldn’t have a son of his playing a Goyische golem with the name of McCarthy! I mean, what if the Rebbe was in the audience?? Why risk a schande? So Snerd I was. You see why I was happy to go to London with that hillbilly shaygets Clinton and listen to Hendrix and drop acid under the trees at Oxford?

    Of course, being Jewish, I’ll have to take a pass on the bacon. Could you make it a pastrami Reuben with muenster cheese and maybe a cream soda?

  8. Harvey says:

    Fine, don’t fess up to me, but Keln’s holding a spot for you at Nuking Politics because this is primo.

    Drop him a line.

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