Obama will solve this controversy by writing the Miranda Rights on the tip of hellfire missiles.
The filibuster made Lindsay Graham cry.
At this point, Obama is going to have to blow up Jane Fonda just to prove he can.
Come on! They say Obama is unlikely to blow you up! What do you want? A guarantee he won’t? You’re unreasonable.
I’m sure Obama will be as responsible with his drones as he is with our nation’s finances.
Star Wars VII idea: Han Solo is now an old scam artists who sell midi-chlorian supplements that promise to turn you into a jedi.
Obama is a lot like Frank Underwood from House of Cards if Underwood were dumber and his wife was less scheming but hated fat kids.
Oh, I just looked it up: The main character from House of Cards is Frank J. Underwood. Maybe he’s based on me.
It was not so long ago we lived in a world where you couldn’t tweet that you lost internet.
Sorry. It was mindless hyperbole to call you “worse than Hitler.” You’re on par with Hitler.
“How did they know it was me?!” -Adolph Hitler, having traveled into the future and joined an online discussion
“Evidence shows he murdered the sheriff, but there’s no evidence he shot the deputy so we’ll just give him a warning.” -courts in Song World
When we one day have brain computers, we’ll even be able to blame remarks we say out loud on hacking.
“Honey, I would never have made a remark like that about your hair. I was hacked.”
It gives me great confidence that the president very hesitantly admitted he’ll not kill us without a trial.