Idea: A reality show where people compete to see who is better at punching each other.
No, not boxing; I don’t want the outcomes to be staged.
If I were a NYC business, I’d switch the medium soda to being 17ozs from now on. Because freedom.
Do we need to send the national guard into NYC to protect people getting Big Gulps?
The reason for that law is that if more than 16oz of sugary soda is poured on Mayor Bloomberg, he’ll melt.
Bloomberg is prepared for this. He never thought arbitrarily trampling people’s rights would be easy.
It would be nice if once Obama suffered consequences from his own stupidity.
There should be a huge, punitive tax for voting for politicians who support more taxes.
Seeing how asinine some elected officials are, you have to take every idiot running for higher office seriously.
Nixon sounded like a horrible president. Created the EPA. Wanted a handgun ban. And… I forget the third thing.
Someone needs to trick Bloomberg into saying his name backwards to send him back to his own dimension.
Or is the way to beat Bloomberg to guess his real name within three days of him passing a law?
I write silly stuff because I started when I was 23 and it just felt silly lecturing people at that age. Still feel that way at 33. But less so.
Oh, but when I’m 60, get ready for some major lectures!
How can Ashley Judd be a senator if she can’t even stop bees from stinging her face?
We need to stop this endless war and stick to secretly assassinating all dictators. Make it look like God smote them or something.
Ashley Judd is going to star in a movie where a woman becomes a U.S. Senator. Only in Hollywood! “Nothing in the Constitution says the Senator has to be a man.”
I don’t know if Ashley Judd has the fire in the belly to run for office, but she certainly has the puffiness in the face.
McConnell 2014: “If his face was puffy, he’d tell you why.”
No worries of Mitch McConnell embarrassing his state with a nude scene; he always wears cutoffs, even in the shower. #NeverNude
I’m scientifically proven to be funny. If you don’t find me funny, 98% of the time that’s because of a brain tumor.
Ashley Judd will do nude scenes, but only if the debate questions require it.
Where I come from, we’ve a word for women who take off their clothes for money: actress. Guess it’s same word, but connotation is different.
Are there actually any congressmen in real life as smart and as competent as Frank Underwood?
In prehistoric times, Chihuahuas were the size of bears.