Straight Line of the Day: The White House Announced Its New Drones Will Be Able to…
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
The White House announced its new drones will be able to…
Send to Kindle
(2 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
March 8th, 2013 at 12:01 pm
…park one right up Kim Jong Un’s…… where the sun don’t ever shine.
March 8th, 2013 at 12:02 pm
…detect and take out people with drinks larger than 16 ounces.
March 8th, 2013 at 12:03 pm
…be more relevant than Aquaman
March 8th, 2013 at 12:04 pm
…tell if you voted Republican in any of the previous three elections.
March 8th, 2013 at 12:04 pm
…bow before they wipe someone off the map
March 8th, 2013 at 12:05 pm
…shoot hellfire missiles that are made out of pop tarts by second graders.
March 8th, 2013 at 12:05 pm
…determine if either Joe Biden or his shotgun is loaded.
March 8th, 2013 at 12:06 pm
…cut down the mightiest tree in the forest with a herring!
March 8th, 2013 at 12:07 pm
Use Vulcan Mind Tricks
March 8th, 2013 at 12:09 pm
… link to the IRS database to help enforce the new tax codes.
… running the latest Helio Android Linux operating system.
… finally bring a final solution to the war on obesity.
March 8th, 2013 at 12:10 pm
distinguish between Conserviative GOP Senators and RINOs – by calculating the length
of their Fillibuster!
March 8th, 2013 at 12:11 pm
…to bring Obama a shrubbery…
March 8th, 2013 at 12:12 pm
…do the Kessel Run… in 12 parsecs… at warp factor 6.
March 8th, 2013 at 12:12 pm
…receive the Nobel Peace Prize
March 8th, 2013 at 12:13 pm
Approach any violent anti-American foreign leader and perform the famous Chief Executive Stop-Bow-and-Apologize maneuver. (Can also pause long enough for photo ops, boot kissing, and stupefyingly obsequious speeches)
March 8th, 2013 at 12:13 pm
…filibuser the senate.
March 8th, 2013 at 12:14 pm
(doh… thats)
filibuster the senate.
March 8th, 2013 at 12:18 pm
…drop the new sequester buster bomb
March 8th, 2013 at 12:18 pm
…wipe out the economy even faster now!
March 8th, 2013 at 12:19 pm
…open the pod bay doors for Dave. Maybe.
March 8th, 2013 at 12:19 pm
…keep up with Obama’s golf ball when he gets in the rough…
March 8th, 2013 at 12:22 pm
…to target animals by species. For example, deputy director W. E. Coyote has programmed one for road runners.
March 8th, 2013 at 12:22 pm
patrol without badges, they don’t need no stinkin’ badges.
March 8th, 2013 at 12:25 pm
…do the Harlem Shake.
March 8th, 2013 at 12:28 pm
…link to Obama’s Twitter page.
…show up on Google Maps with live video! Oooo! Oooo!
…respond to a White House petition.
…drop in on Saturday Night Live!
March 8th, 2013 at 12:28 pm
….give tours of the White House when not busy blowing up cars/buses/buildings full of US citizens.
March 8th, 2013 at 12:31 pm
… Vote democrat without a photo id.
March 8th, 2013 at 12:34 pm
…be a momentarily gracious dinner guest.
…knock before it enters.
March 8th, 2013 at 12:39 pm
…hover? I don’t even know her.
March 8th, 2013 at 12:39 pm
…give Slim Pickens a ride.
March 8th, 2013 at 12:40 pm
…detect
Tea Party RalliesRebel bases and contact theWhite HouseDeath Star so they can be destroyed with Photon Torpedos.March 8th, 2013 at 12:44 pm
…see through walls and find you.
…hold off while you finish your waffle.
…discriminate between whites and blacks, but not coloreds. (cheap B&W CCD chip.)
March 8th, 2013 at 12:51 pm
…make you feel safe and secure because shut up!
March 8th, 2013 at 12:54 pm
…man the phones at OFA. What? You thought we meant the weapons?
…make the seas stop rising.
…bullseye womp rats, they’re not much bigger than two meters
March 8th, 2013 at 12:57 pm
…clean-up after themselves. But they don’t do Windows.
…take out the garbage. Coming soon: recycling! Obama cares!
March 8th, 2013 at 1:13 pm
…. reduce the costs associated with long-term healthcare.
and drones, type 2:
…. build a pyramid suitable for their master
March 8th, 2013 at 1:26 pm
.. focus like a laser on jobs, the economy, and Rush Limbaugh.
March 8th, 2013 at 1:28 pm
… give Middle America those shovel-ready projects they’ve been teasing Obama about.
March 8th, 2013 at 1:40 pm
…let you start a load of laundry first.
…let the Cat out of the Barn.
…let bygones be bygones. And by golly, you’re gone!
March 8th, 2013 at 1:50 pm
…assume its proper place at the head of your table.
March 8th, 2013 at 2:16 pm
…interface with the TOTUS, making it totally free from possible human error mistakes.
…accomplish it’s missions on a wing and a prayer if need be, just without the prayer, which is enough to get the drone to pick out a target in the first place.
…distinguish between a finger-gun and a real gun in a classroom most of the time, but only enough to make it a reliable deterrent.
March 8th, 2013 at 2:16 pm
…cost billions of dollars without any clear benefit
March 8th, 2013 at 2:23 pm
…shoot now and not be able to answer questions later.
…destroy any incriminating evidence that surely would have been found, darn it.
…dial 911 if it is flying past Biden’s house and gets peppered with buckshot, possibly saving Joe from buying a new door and getting the carpets cleaned.
March 8th, 2013 at 2:36 pm
…fulfill all EEOC requirements because it is the Tydrone model.
…let Obama grow a mustache and enjoy his Luftwaffles.
March 8th, 2013 at 3:12 pm
…enforce Obamacare’s Death Panel decisions.
March 8th, 2013 at 3:18 pm
provide the means by which soylent green becomes fast food.
March 8th, 2013 at 3:35 pm
@44 Dohtimes: “Luftwaffles” — now *that*’s good!
March 8th, 2013 at 3:36 pm
… ask “Heads or tails, Friend-o?”
March 8th, 2013 at 4:25 pm
- perform a trial and find you guilty before blowing you to bits.
- take all the red tape out of public executions.
- allow the POTUS to rack up double frequent flyer miles when he controls from air force one.
March 8th, 2013 at 4:32 pm
Frappe’
March 8th, 2013 at 4:32 pm
…..find people sitting at their computers writing bad things about obama and kill them, their families, their dog and their fish named Spot.
March 8th, 2013 at 5:15 pm
…pat you down even more inappropriately than a TSA agent.
March 8th, 2013 at 5:35 pm
The White House announced its new drones will be able to read, which is more than you can say for most Obama voters.
March 8th, 2013 at 5:42 pm
…detect and stop water boarding in its tracks.
…seek out new life and new civilizations. And then to boldly go all splodey on ‘em and stuff.
…make a good first impression.
March 8th, 2013 at 5:55 pm
… blow holes in the budget, the Constitution, and grandma’s bedroom window all at the same time.
March 8th, 2013 at 5:57 pm
…take direct temperature measurement of Uranus with an infrared sensor.
March 8th, 2013 at 5:58 pm
…encounter no Opposition!
March 8th, 2013 at 6:03 pm
…be governed by the “Prime Directive” : Murder, Death, Kill.
March 8th, 2013 at 7:18 pm
… detect and eliminate cigarrette smoke from three hundred miles away.
… evade incoming missile fire from 2nd Amendment followers.
… eliminate any news source not following the Party Line.
March 8th, 2013 at 7:51 pm
… play “Taps” over a missile strike.
March 8th, 2013 at 8:55 pm
… institute attacks on non-activity. Attacks, not a penalty.
March 8th, 2013 at 9:09 pm
…with a pre-attack tax on your sorry ass.
March 8th, 2013 at 9:19 pm
…file your taxes, sweep your house, or any other household chores you want done before being blown into the stratosphere.
March 8th, 2013 at 9:21 pm
…be susceptible to Jedi mind control. “These are not the accused terrorists you’re looking for. Move along.”
March 8th, 2013 at 9:24 pm
…hand out welfare checks and food stamps in their off time.
March 8th, 2013 at 9:28 pm
…perform MIB style mind-wipes. Say cheese.
March 8th, 2013 at 9:41 pm
Inhibit many constitutionalists at one strike.
March 8th, 2013 at 9:43 pm
…make wookie noises just before commencing its final approach.
March 8th, 2013 at 9:44 pm
… find that rebel scum on Hoth
… direct HBO at one site while aiming weapons at another – and you thought walking and chewing gum at one time was impressive
… come up with a budget faster than Obama
March 9th, 2013 at 12:28 am
perform nearly as well as ED-209:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A9l9wxGFl4k
March 12th, 2013 at 7:48 am
[...] Keln of Nuking Politics picked his favorite punchlines to “The White House announced its new drones will be able to…” [...]