Secret Bonus! Drop the Last Two Words and You Get Obama’s Stance on Abortion

[High Praise! to Moonbattery]

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Why Elizabeth Warren Is a Dangerous Moron for Suggesting a $22/hr Minimum Wage

[High Praise! to Legal Insurrection]

Warren wants to know where the money has gone, as if someone stole it.

Perhaps it went into lower consumer costs, increased employment, summer jobs for teenagers, some spending money for retirees or stay-at-home moms who work part time, or heaven forbid, profits of the struggling retail and restaurant businesses which employ the relatively small percentage of the workforce which makes minimum wage for full time jobs. None of these possibilities entered into Warren’s question.

I particularly liked the stark, brutal reality of the above well-phrased quote, but I think you’ll find the rest of the article is good for at least a raised eyebrow regarding Warren’s sub-par integrity, too. Fairly short, so it won’t take up too much of your time.

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Keep Feeding the Monster

A California official is eyeing the Internet as an untapped revenue resource that should be taxed to help local economies.

You know… sorta the way muggers eye ladies’ purses.

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Oddly, No One Calling for Jet Control

[High Praise! to Gunslinger’s Journal]

I can’t say I hate Obama. That would be racist.

But I do despise, detest, and loathe the man and everything he stands for.

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Link of the Day: Confused O-3 Celebrates Rank By Changing Profile Photo To Red Equal Sign

[High Praise! to The Duffel Blog]

Confused O-3 Celebrates Rank By Changing Profile Photo To Red Equal Sign

[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]

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Wisdom of the Day: Capri Sun Acronym Roasted Unconscious Discretion

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Yay! We’ve Still Got Two Dollars Left!

Banks in Cyprus stopped panic withdrawals by imposing a 300 Euro limit.

Guess the old “your money’s in Joe’s house, and the Kennedy house, and Mrs. Maeklin’s house” line wasn’t doing the trick.

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You’ve Been Judged!

Keln of Nuking Politics picked his favorite punchlines to “Apple was denied a trademark for the word “mini”, but did manage to trademark…” and “Texas is running an $8 billion surplus which it will spend…

Click here to see if you made the cut.

If you did, you should probably email him about becoming a guest blogger there.

If you didn’t, he’s got another straight line for you to practice on.

Keep trying. No one likes a quitter.

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Obama Warned Us – Free Markets

The market is the most effective mechanism for creating wealth and distributing resources to produce goods and services that history has ever known, but it goes off the rail sometimes; that if it’s completely unregulated, that if there are no thoughtful frameworks to channel the creative energy of the market, that it can end up in a very bad place.

BARACK OBAMA, press conference, Apr. 2, 2009

“That’s why I will overregulate the bejeebers out of the market – so it can end up in an even WORSE place. Barackalypse Ho!”

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Again, Only the Dumbest Gun Control Proponents Are Left

If you were wondering what kind of geniuses are working on gun control legislation these days, here’s a video of Rep. Diana DeGette explaining the effectiveness of a ban on new high-capacity magazines saying, “the number of these high capacity magazines is going to decrease dramatically over time because the bullets will have been shot and there won’t be any more available.”

Yes, she has no idea you can reload the magazine to a gun. This is like the level of stupid where I wonder if she could even identify a gun if shown a picture of one.

“No, ma’am; that’s a duck.”

“Well, I want that banned too if it’s high capacity.”

Why do we have a system where we round up the dumbest people in society and then give them the power to make laws that affect our every day lives? It seems like there’s some sort of flaw in that system, though I can’t really put my finger on it.

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Straight Line of the Day: Upon Hearing That Poverty in the US Was at a 50-Year High, Obama…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

Upon hearing that poverty in the US was at a 50-year high, Obama…

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Obama’s Sacrifice

So, as part of this sequester that is so devastating us all, Obama is going to return 5% of his salary. That’s $20,000 dollars. In the time it takes you to say “$20,000,” the government has added like $45,000 in debt. Obama flying out to a fundraiser costs us taxpayers over $100,000.

We all know Obama cares absolutely nothing about the debt and spending, and it’s actually much more insulting when he does stuff like this and pretends to care. Obama, why don’t you just retreat back to your magical world of unicorns where math can’t hurt you and just let the big boys worrying about all this important debt stuff. The $20,000 is really cute and all, but you just go ahead and put it towards another round of golf or something. At least that will get it back in the economy. No one expects you to be any help on the important issues of the day, but if you can just stay out of the way and be quiet, that would be awesome.

Thx.

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Random Thoughts: Conservatism, Slavery, and Freedom

“Everyone other than me is doing conservatism wrong.” -numerous

People just don’t get feminists extremely dry sense of humor. They’re masters of the deadpan.

“CAUTION: Illegally entering the United States may cause you to be subjected to terms you don’t like.”

Oh yeah, I got a new kid due in like a month. Hope my wife is prepared for that.

If every program for every computer language would just agree which F-key is step over and which is step into, my life would be much simpler.

I have a great idea for guaranteed jobs, housing, and health care for everyone, but need term for it that poll-tests better than “slavery.”

North Korea, how about you don’t go to war and we give you a fun-sized bag of chips?

This is a limited-time offer; eventually I will eat the chips.

I didn’t marry until I was 26. So if you don’t marry early, women, that’s who you get stuck with.

This first sequester wasn’t so bad. We should do a second one.

So what’s happening? Austin is about to be obliterated?

So how many years does the next president get to complain about the mess he inherited from Obama?

Obama should make his speeches 5% shorter.

Probably a better idea than trying to make conservatism more popular is trying to make freedom more popular.

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A Worthy Charity?

Hunter of Nuking Politics wants to get one of his fellow bloggers out of Michigan and into Texas.

I have to admit, sometimes I hear Amarillo whispering my name. If for no other reason than, unlike Wisconsin, they don’t think they’re entitled to $2000 out of my hip pocket just because I’m good at typing words on the internet.

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Humorless Liberals Are Humorless

The media’s ability to gin up phony outrage never ceases to amaze me. The Tampa Bay Times’ PolitiFact blog saw fit to “fact check” a tweet by Fred Thompson:

Report: Obamacare could raise ins premiums by 200%. It’s the “A-Ford-able Care Act” – your insurance costs as much as a new Explorer.

They actually ran the numbers and declared it false.

All I can do is let my jaw hang open for a moment and say in my most befuddled voice, “um… you just fact-checked hyperbole that was obviously made in service of a groaner of a pun. You are dumb.”

Un.
Be.
Lievable.

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