Everything You Need to Know About How to Fake Global Warming

[High Praise! to The Real Revo]

The Real Revo takes random numbers and – step by illustrated step – uses them to make a fake Hockey Stick Graph – just like a real Climate Change expert!

Ya gotta see this

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Media Guide to the AR-15

[High Praise! to The Patriot Post]

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Temptation: Illustrated

[High Praise! to The Looking Spoon]

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Obama Releases Dog-Eating App

[High Praise! to Dude!!! I Want That…]

“Dog shelter BBQs have been in existence for as long as people have been unrealistic about their ability to care for a dog. Provided society as a whole maintains its well-established negligence as pet owners, street dogs, stray dogs, lost dogs, and abandoned dogs will grant animal shelters prime, succulent meat for their BBQs. Call it a happy accident. And now, with The Last Bark, anyone who craves a delicious and adventurous meal can find out–instantly, and with daily database updates–where they’re being served.”

An April Fools’ Day gag, but if it were real, we all know who would have created it.

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Link of the Day: Satire – Obama: $2B Won’t Kill Every Oil Job, But It’s a Start

[High Praise! to ScrappleFace]

Obama: $2B Won’t Kill Every Oil Job, But It’s a Start

[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]

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Wisdom of the Day: Belly Piano Penn Bay Scarecrow Super-Smart

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On Top of the Game

With his new contract, Alex Rodriguez now makes more than the entire team of the Houston Astros.

Still not as impressive as Obama, who’s spent more than the entire team of prior presidents.

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Video Games: LucasArts

So, LucasArts is shutting down. That’s kind of a big deal to me; so many of my great video game memories are from their games. I really liked their X-Wing/Tie Fighter games and the Dark Forces series was great (the second one where you first got the lightsaber and force powers and had video of live action light saber fights — not seen officially in years — was unbelievable at the time), but their adventure games were the greatest thing ever. Of course, The Secret of Monkey Island is one of the greatest games of all time (the puzzle where you’re stuck underwater weighted by a statue is my favorite adventure game puzzle of all time — I completely fell for that one and it was so hilarious when I figured it out; I actually reference this puzzle in a novel I’m working on). And Sam & Max Hit the Road was the first CD game with voice my brother and I played when we finally got a new computer as kids, and I still reference jokes from that one. And Full Throttle was epic. And Grim Fandango — well, it’s travesty that never got the attention it deserved.

I first learned about adventure games with Sierra — Police Quest, Space Quest, Kings Quest — but LucasArts did them better. I mean, as a young kid, I could not quickly type out commands. Plus, that you could get stuck late in a Sierra game because you missed picking something up in the beginning is just awful. The point and click, no dying, no getting stuck model that LucasArts primarily used was much better and allowed you just to have fun. But the pick-up-everything-not-nailed-down adventure game eventually fell out of favor, and the last one I can recall LucasArts doing was Monkey Island IV which I played back in college. And it just doesn’t seem LucasArts did much significant since then; the last game I really loved of there’s was Knights of the Old Republic which was actually made by Bioware.

Still, LucasArts will always be remembered for their contribution to gaming. And if you don’t think they’re awesome, all I have to say to you is: “How appropriate. You fight like a cow.”

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Obama Warned Us – Red vs. Blue

I don’t want to pit Red America against Blue America. I want to be President of the United States of America.

BARACK OBAMA, speech, Nov. 10, 2007

“…so that Red America can be destroyed without a fight.”

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Straight Line of the Day: If Nancy Pelosi Were Speaker of the House Again…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

If Nancy Pelosi were Speaker of the House again…

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So Have We Just Given Up on the Economy?

So, 88,000 jobs added in March. That’s… well, that’s pretty much nothing. But good news: About half a million people left the workforce, so less competition for the few jobs left. But things are looking up, right? Except that the full force of Obamacare has yet to hit us. It’s like the economy is this bruised and battered man, struggling to his feet only to see a thug with a bat standing over him and now he knows the biggest beating is yet to come.

I think we’ve basically given up on having a good economy; we’re now just getting used to horribleness as the new norm. I mean, if we ever one day have a good economy, we’ll not know what to do with ourselves. And if we have a president who isn’t the arch-nemesis of business, we’ll be confused. He’ll make a sudden movement, and businesses will flinch like they’re expecting the president is about to hit them, and he’ll be like, “No. No. I’m your friend. I’m not going to hurt you little guy. It’s okay, now. The bad man is gone. That’s all over. There there.”

One day. Until then, brace yourself for the beatings to come.

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Random Thoughts: College, Irons, and the Soviet Union

I have a good adaptation for modern age: high pocket awareness. I can’t go long without realizing I’m missing keys, wallet, or phone.

According to elites: John the Baptist was at the crucifixion buying new gun magazine since he fired all the bullets in the ones he had.

When I went to college, I got a degree in Electrical and Computer Engineering and learned useful skills people pay money for. Be like Frank.

Actually, I probably paid too much for the degree and had lots of loans. Just go to a state college. Don’t be like Frank.

When I had nothing but free electives left, I actually did my final semester at community college while working. That was kind of smart.

Hurm. The Chrome spellcheck seem to no longer work on the Twitter website. This is a porblem.

Ebert was my favorite reviewer. I could usually tell if I’d like a movie from his reviews, even if my verdict would be different than his.

I could never disagree with Ebert on anything in politics as much as I disagreed with his 2-star rating on Die Hard.

Kind of sad to read all the plans Ebert had just two days ago. Might as well be as busy as you can until the end.

It seems to me that Jeremy Iron was making a very rational point that people desperately want to believe is crazy.

On the path we’re going down, expect people to play lots of crazy tricks with marriage laws.

Already happens now with people marrying to stay in the country. They’re just going to be more angles now.

And what is the argument that a father can’t marry his son? It’s really icky to contemplate? Is that a valid argument anymore?

If we aren’t allowed to objectify women, we’ll probably just end up ignoring most of them.

I know it’s a little late, but I want to be on record as being against the Soviet Union.

How did the Soviet Union even get started? It was so stupid. “We’re going to empower the worker and the whole world will follow!”

The Soviet Union is what happens when don’t punch hippies as soon as they leave the safe confines of the college campus.

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Simple.TV vs TiVo

SimpleTVIn my quest to find the best cable-cutting setup, I’m looking at something called Simple.TV (that’s not just its name, it’s its Website).

Simple.TV is a DVR. Only, it doesn’t connect to your TV. Which sounds kinda odd. But, here’s how it works.

The idea is to connect the Simple.TV box to your input (cable, or, in my case, antenna). Note that it only works with unencrypted (ClearQAM) digital channels. That means if your cable provider is sending analog signals (some still do), then it won’t work. It also won’t work on encrypted channels (Comedy Central, AMC, HBO, etc.). But, since I cut cable and am using an over-the-air (OTA) antenna, I’m good.

You need a hard drive for storage. They don’t include any onboard storage, but the device will work with most USB external drives. But, you gotta buy that extra.

The Simple.TV box also has to be connected to your network via ethernet port. That is, wired. As in not wireless. Which means you either need to have a cable/antenna connection near your router, a good network extender, or a really long LAN cable.

The final thing is, you need a Roku box.

Remember when I said that it doesn’t connect to your TV, which is kinda odd? Well, they get around it by using Roku. That also means that a single Simple.TV box will support up to 5 TVs. Most DVRs are for a single TV, so that’s a nice feature.

So, how does it work? It works okay, but it’s got some bugs.

Here’s the good: price.

Compared to TiVo, it’s cheaper. A lot cheaper. Both a Simple.TV box and a TiVo Premier box run $149. The Simple.TV setup requires a hard drive (around $69), so that makes the initial cost more. But, it’s the cost of the service that makes the savings of Simple.TV over TiVo.

A year of Simple.TV service is $49. TiVo is $14.99/month, which works out to $179.88/year. And there’s your savings.

Now, here’s the bad: it’s not as polished as TiVo. In fact, it’s barely polished at all. The TiVo interface is vastly superior. Vastly. Did I say “vastly?” Well, I will: vastly.

Using the TV interface (via Roku) to schedule a recording is a pain. The selections say “Beta” and they mean it. It’s not ready for prime time. You can view what’s currently playing, and what’s coming up next, and … that’s it. There’s a “Browse Upcoming” area that’s not totally useless, but with a little work, could be.

The best way to schedule recordings is via the Website. Even then, there are some simple things that Simple.TV didn’t think about. For example, you can’t rearrange the priority of the shows. TiVo makes that fairly easy to do. Simple.TV? Not so much.

I won’t sit here and trash Simple.TV, but I will say that it’s inferior to TiVo in many respects.

What would make Simple.TV better? Multiple tuners, for one. Or, at least a way to seamlessly link two devices to one account. But, that’s a nice to have. They need to fix the other stuff first.

Like what? Well, they should improve the interface. I’d like to be able to easily find and schedule shows. You can’t do that via the interface. Sure, the Website is an option, but that’s not simple. As in Simple.TV.

They also need to fix the Website. If you want to change the recording options for a program, the screen tells you to go to the Website to do that. Only, that page doesn’t exist. And, looking around the pages that do exist, there’s no readily apparent way to alter the recording options on a show.

I suggest someone at Simple.TV pony up and buy a TiVo. Use it. See how it’s done. Look at the functionality TiVo offers in finding and recording shows via the interface. You don’t have to clone TiVo, but you do need to look at what they offer, and find a way of offering the same functionality. Or, at least, make your functionality easier to use. You know, simple.

As you can tell, I’m a fan of TiVo. But, it’s expensive. Don’t get me wrong; it’s a great service. But I wish there were cheaper alternatives.

Simple.TV shows a lot of promise, but they haven’t yet delivered on them. I haven’t given up hope. I’m not yet ready to recommend it, but I haven’t sent mine to the cornfield yet.

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Liberals: We Can Has Brainz?

Springeraz [High Praise!] actually sent me this *before* Frank did his post on the topic, but I got distracted by a shiny object so I didn’t get around to posting it until now. My fault. Still, his take on it is different enough that you’ll enjoy this, too:

Ok, so we got Rep Hank Johnson (D), Ga: “If we send more to troops to Guam, the island might tip over and capsize”

We got Nancy Pelosi: “we have to pass the bill so you can find out what is in it, away from the fog of the controversy”

We got Joe Biden: “just walk out on the balcony, fire a couple blasts outside the house”

And we got our First Lady, Michelle: “for the first time in my adult life, I am proud of my country”

And don’t forget Diane Feinstein, (in a masterpiece of irony): “the criteria for serving one’s country should be competence”

It’s as if these people are all in some kind of contest to see who can insult people’s intelligence the most. The list could go on forever.

Now here comes Diana Degette, (D)CO, erstwhile public servant, who makes the following unbelievable observation about large capacity magazines. Something like… “Guess if we want to get rid of large capacity magazines we should ban them first, then “shoot all the bullets”, then we can find out what’s in them”. Or something.

Check out the video:

[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #301)

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