Not Illegal, Just Undocumented

[High Praise! to Freedom Is Just Another Word]

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A Familiar Pattern

[High Praise! to American Digest]

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Nice Farm Ya Got There. Be a Shame if Something Happened to It

A Michigan farmer has won his court battle for the right to display signs critical of President Obama on his own property.

I smell a “drone misfire accident” in 3…2…1…

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If the Left Were Correct, There’d Be No One Left Alive to Notice It

[High Praise! to According to Hoyt]

…if government at whatever level were the only thing keeping any normal average Joe from pulling out a gun and mowing down passersby from his car window during his morning commute, we’d already all be dead.

There is no government large and powerful enough – not even China, not even North Korea, where you need a permit to breathe out and they tell you when to breathe in – to keep that sort of mayhem at bay. There is no police force large enough. One per citizen wouldn’t be enough, because policemen have to use the bathroom sometimes. And, as has been mentioned in book after book, if someone is absolutely determined to kill you, you WILL die, no matter how many bodyguards you hire, or whether you immure yourself in a walled compound.

Also – and this is the gaping flaw – if human beings are that inherently out of control and ill-intentioned, then surely either the police and other government services are from Mars (or heaven) or how come there aren’t police to watch over them TOO? How come they don’t kill everyone in THEIR path? It can’t be the magical power of groups, because in the end, it’s the individual officer, out there, on the street.

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Link of the Day: This Is SO Cruel – 10 Reasons Why Liberals Should Feel Old

[High Praise! to The Hope for America]

10 Reasons Why Liberals Should Feel Old

[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]

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A Creative Solution

After 15 burglaries, a California store-owner camped out at his business with a gun and caught the crook.

Weird story. What I don’t get is why his “burglary free zone” signs didn’t turn the trick.

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You’ve Been Judged!

Anonymiss of Nuking Politics picked her favorite punchlines to “Why did the Department of Home Security order a bagpipe?

Click here to see if you made the cut.

If you did, you should probably email Keln about becoming a guest blogger there.

If you didn’t, Anonymiss has got another straight line for you to practice on.

Keep trying. No one likes a quitter.

NOTE: Cool! Anonymiss is handing out cookies to the the winner!

As she puts it: “I decided we needed to give you SOMETHING for being so clever. And…well….cookies are the bacon of desserts.”

I wonder if they’re bacon-cookies? How awesome would THAT be?

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Vehicle Control Advocates Say the Time is Now for Auto Bans

[Article cross-posted at Nuking Politics]

Washington, D.C. (NPN) – Activists rallied at the National Mall today to voice their concerns about the growing danger of vehicles in the hands of crazed drivers, particularly high capacity vehicles.

“I demand all high capacity cars be outlawed!” shouted Daniel Smith, an organizer for the vehicle control advocacy group Coalition to Stop Car Violence. The advocacy group was just one of many organizing the rally that brought an astounding thirty five people to Washington to have their voices heard.

Most vehicle control advocates are just focusing on high capacity vehicles, and the Obama Administration seems to be catering to their concerns. When asked about the President’s stance on the issue, White House press secretary Jay Carney said that the President feels the time has come to put strict limits on how many passengers can be loaded into a single automobile.

“The President is in agreement with the people on this matter.” said Carney. “What we’re looking at most are the really large and dangerous vehicles, such as buses. Too many people are being run over by buses year after year.”

When questioned about Obama’s use of buses, Carney replied: “It is the President’s opinion that high capacity vehicles, such as buses, should only be in the hands of highly trained government drivers.” When asked further about the President’s use of buses to dispose of political liabilities, Carney shouted “Look! Squirrel!” and stood motionless with his eyes closed until the press room emptied.

While the support to place limits on large vehicles capable of being loaded quickly seems to be growing, some are arguing that just banning high capacity vehicles simply isn’t enough and a few lawmakers in the House and the Senate seem to be hearing them loud and clear.

“I hear them loud and clear,” said Senator Dianne Feinstein (D-CA). “The time has come for common sense vehicle control, and not just high capacity vehicles like station wagons, vans, and buses, but also more dangerous vehicles.”

Senator Feinstein is leading the charge with a proposal that would have a sweeping effect on what will be allowed on the road…and on the sidewalk. Included in the draft of her bill is a complete ban of military assault style scooters, which are common in retirement areas.

“Buses are killing our children, and vans are kidnapping them.” said Feinstein. “But another issue that is overlooked are these dangerous scooters that are being foisted upon our senior citizens. These things can kill, and should only be allowed for police and military use.”

Not all groups feel that there needs to be vehicle control. Steven Oppy, president of the Monster Trucks, Guns, And Beer Association told us: “These people keep going on about common sense, but they’re not making any sense at all. It’s not big vehicles that kill people, it’s lousy drivers. I mean, have you ever driven in Detroit? Those people are crazy.”

Oppy and his group suggest an alternative to vehicle control: not allowing idiots on the road. “Really, that’s all we need to do to cut down on accidents.” said Oppy. “Send all of the idiots to California and then build a wall.”

But the Vice President, an Idiot-American himself, couldn’t disagree with that sentiment more. While giving a speech at a luncheon for the Disabled Veterans of Call of Duty Association, Biden briefly but passionately gave his opinion on the matter.

“Why do people need so many seats?” said Biden. “Why would you even want to sit in the back seat of a vehicle? It’s called shotgun people! Just ride shotgun.”

NPN ace reporter Gendaibushi [High Praise!] contributed to this story.

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Obama Warned Us – Climate Change

All across the world, in every kind of environment and region known to man, increasingly dangerous weather patterns and devastating storms are abruptly putting an end to the long-running debate over whether or not climate change is real. Not only is it real, it’s here, and its effects are giving rise to a frighteningly new global phenomenon: the man-made natural disaster.

BARACK OBAMA, speech, Apr. 3, 2006

Coincidentally, also the name historians will give to his presidency.

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Straight Line of the Day: Aside From Renting a Cabin to His Secret Service Agents, Joe Biden’s Major Source of Income…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

Aside from renting a cabin to his Secret Service agents, Joe Biden’s major source of income…

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You Know, Like When He Ran Those Car Companies

It was recently revealed that President Obama doesn’t actually run his Twitter account.

Seems obvious. If he did, Twitter would be bankrupt by now.

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