Give the AP What It Wants. Give It to Them Good and Hard

[High Praise! to the Gormogons]

Imagine a news story the old way and the new way. First, the old way:

“Pedrito Sanchez, an illegal alien, stands in a big box home improvement store parking lot every morning starting at 5:00am, where if he is lucky he will gain day-to-day employment from a series of pickup trucks that might pay him cash to do menial construction or scrap work.”

And now with the new AP style rules:

“Pedrito Sanchez stands in a big box home improvement store parking lot every morning starting at 5:00am, where if he is lucky he will gain day-to-day employment from a series of pickup trucks that might pay him cash to do menial construction or scrap work. Sanchez, 24, is a Guatemalan living in the United States illegally, based on the fact he dug under one of the many non-maintained fences along the Arizona-Mexican border about 22.4 miles West of New Mexico that the Obama administration paid $72.3 million to repair – the money never arrived. Local law enforcement attempted to increase enforcement of this area because of the serious collapse in security, but were pulled off that assignment by the Department of Justice under very suspicious circumstances.”

Yes, that actually does sound much better, and solves the technical problem that a person cannot be illegal, but can perform an illegal activity. Don’t you agree?

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Bottom Line on Gay Marriage

[High Praise! to Nuking Politics]

For instance, in order for Rosa Parks to sit at the front of the bus, they didn’t have to rename it the “Integrated Front of the Bus.” They didn’t have to redefine “front of the bus” to mean “the first four rows of seats plus some in the rear.” It was still the front of the bus, just now Ms. Parks could sit there.

Likewise, when schools were integrated, they didn’t have to rename them “Integrated Schools.” You didn’t have to add adjectives and qualifiers to the word “student” and call them “black students” and ‘white students” and “students of whatever ethnic persuasion.” They were just students.

Now we actually have to modify the word marriage to make it fit the changed circumstance: “Gay marriage.” What will we call the people who are thus entwined? Will the person performing the ceremony pronounce them “Gay Husband and Gay Wife?” How will we know which is which?

If you liked that part, go ahead & read the whole thing.

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John Kerry Proves More Capable As Secretary of State Than I Would’ve Imagined

[High Praise! to American Digest and The Onion]

SOUTHERN MONGOLIA-After failing to arrive at his destination in the Middle East this week for diplomatic talks with state leaders, sources confirmed that U.S. Secretary of State John Kerry had inadvertently traveled to Central Asia and is currently lost somewhere in the Gobi Desert. “Hello! Hello, is there anybody out there who can hear me?” the exhausted five-term senator reportedly said while stumbling across the vast desert expanse. “My name is John Forbes Kerry! I am the United States Secretary of State, and I am lost! Oh, God, almost out of water. Gotta make it back somehow…gotta make it back.” At press time, Kerry was reportedly relieved to have spotted a lush oasis off in the distance and was happily envisioning eating a juicy fig.

That’s actually the story in its entirety, but you’ll probably want to click over for the picture.

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Link of the Day: And the Winner Is…

[High Praise! to Nuking Politics]

Remember when I promised a shiny new donkey to anyone who could parody that horrid MSNBC “Lean Forward” commercial?

Well, looks like I need to start searching Craigslist for a factory-fresh pack animal:

Deadbeat Dads, Mad Scientists Rejoice at MSNBC ‘Lean Forward’ Spot

[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]

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Wisdom of the Day: Nukes Megan McCain Capri Gosnell Liberals Curtains Bologna Speculate False Flag Alex Jones

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Kim Jong Un Has a New Plan

[High Praise! to After Math]

[Full size pic]

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You’ve Been Judged!

Anonymiss of Nuking Politics picked her favorite punchlines to “Aside from renting a cabin to his secret service agents, Joe Biden’s major source of income…

Click here to see if you made the cut.

If you did, you should probably email Keln about becoming a guest blogger there.

If you didn’t, Anonymiss has got another straight line for you to practice on.

Keep trying. No one likes a quitter.

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Obama Warned Us – Religion

There are a whole lot of religious people in America, including the majority of Democrats. When we abandon the field of religious discourse-when we ignore the debate about what it means to be a good Christian or Muslim or Jew; when we discuss religion only in the negative sense of where or how it should not be practiced, rather than in the positive sense of what it tells us about our obligations toward one another; when we shy away from religious venues and religious broadcasts because we assume that we will be unwelcome – others will fill the vacuum. And those who do are likely to be those with the most insular views of faith, or who cynically use religion to justify partisan ends.

BARACK OBAMA, Audacity of Hope

Barack Obama – cynically filling your vacuum since 2008.

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Obama and His Support for Infanticide

So here’s video of Obama back from his days when he was in the Illinois legislature questioning the Born Alive Act:

Basically, the gist of it seems to be that Obama trusted abortionists who were just minutes ago trying to kill the child to turn around and try to save the child if he or she happened to be born alive — i.e., failed to die at the hands of the abortionist. And Obama didn’t see any reason for any special oversight on this.

And, of course, Gosnell went years and years without any inspections and we see the horrors that happened. So, does Obama see any errors to his ways of opposing legislation made to prevent infanticide? If we had a functional media, this is the sort of thing they would question him on.

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Straight Line of the Day: President Obama Threatened to Veto the New Immigration Bill Unless…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

President Obama threatened to veto the new immigration bill unless…

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The Right and Left Reactions to Random Violence

I notice that with any random act of violence that happens, you have many on the left assume right-wing extremists did it while there are many on the right who automatically assume Islamic terrorists did it. Of course, a big difference is that right are often correct in guessing Islamic terrorists while the left are always wrong in assuming right-wing extremists. In fact, it’s seems not so much as the left think it’s likely the right are responsible as much as they seem to be hoping and praying that this time it will finally be the right-wingers and the left will then be able to screech and condemn the right for it. It’s like each terrorist attack is a present, and the left open it up hoping it will be the toy they’ve always wanted always only to once again find socks instead. Deadly, deadly socks.

Incidentally, if the right were more craven and just assumed their political opposites were behind an act of violence, they would occasionally be right.

But, anyway, it’s the right who are violent and need to watch out for their rhetoric. Everyone knows that.

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I Have No Words. I’ll Hand It Off to Someone Who Does

[High Praise! to Nuking Politics]


After a while, President Obama made some prepared remarks about the whole thing. I was troubled by a couple of things he said, or didn’t say. At no time did he use the word “terrorist”. What he did say, more than once, was that we would find out ‘who did this’, and with equal emphasis, we would find out ‘why’ they did it.

“Why” somebody might do this kind of thing is important, yes, but there are more important things to attend to first. “Why” is a question more suited perhaps to a defense attorney, or a forensic psychiatrist, but when a politician asks it, especially one with a history of “never letting a good crisis go to waste” one wonders at the motivation.

Click here to read it all.

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Random Thoughts: Gosnell, Coffee, and Terrorism

So how much of an outlier is Gosnell, or is that one of the question we’re supposed to not get answered?

Bad indication on news coverage when people are going to Snopes to find out if Kermit Gosnell is real.

The left have to be horrified by all this completely legitimate right-wing righteousness. They could have prevented it. #Gosnell

If we want to waterboard terrorists and get everyone to turn a blind eye toward it, just need to get it under the banner of “women’s rights.”

Usually, serial killing is a hobby and there aren’t these great financial incentives. #Gosnell

Then again, if he was just doing it for the money, that would be less creepy. Money is a motivation we all understand. #Gosnell

Not all is lost; shame can still be effective.

“I’m okay with abortion unless babies get killed.” -apparently common position

So basically, Obama thought it was wrong to not trust abortionists like Gosnell to save children born alive. Will he admit to being wrong on this? Very deadly wrong?

Kind of creeps me out for some reason that the ones I’ve seen on Twitter arguing most vehemently for abortion are guys.

They basically ceded they couldn’t win the argument when they started using “choice” instead of “abortion.”

Isn’t national reciprocation of concealed carry permits at least as inevitable as gay marriage?

I don’t get decaffeinated coffee. That’s like buying de-poisoned rat poison.

Like I assume most dads my age, I’ve taught my child to respond to “I’m your father,” with “No! That’s impossible!”

“Possibly done by right-wing extremists” = “I pray this is the right-wing attack we’ve been hoping for for years, but probably not.”

“I like violent tragedies because they confirm my political biases!” -common sociopath

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Where was Frank?

MissingSome of you noticed that Frank wasn’t here yesterday. Some of you were concerned. I mean, without your U.S. Recommended Daily Allowance of Frank J., what would you do?

Well, you made it through the day. Barely. But, that still leaves the question: Where’s Frank?

So, to test your IMAO knowledge, we’ve prepared a list of possible explanations for Frank’s disappearance, one of which is the real answer:

  • His alarm clock didn’t go off.
  • He was on a secret mission to Korea, to kick that obnoxious guy’s butt.
  • And by “obnoxious guy” in Korea, we mean PSY.
  • Selling his books door-to-door.
  • Meeting with the Russians to plan delivery of a nuke to the moon.
  • Opening a Mexican Stoplight Candy franchise.
  • Filming a cameo appearance in the new Larry the Cable Guy movie.
  • Meeting with NBC to discuss taking over The Tonight Show in three years.
  • Lost his password.
  • Sarah K was craving Chicago-style pizza. And it’s 1,696 miles from Boise to Gino’s.
  • He needed a break.
  • We needed a break.

Okay, maybe none of them is the real reason. I mean, seriously, how would I know? Like Frank has to check in with me.

Still, one of them could be right. But probably not. What do you think? Just where was Frank?

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Is It Safe?

A new poll shows that 50% of Americans say that doing taxes is worse than going to the dentist.

At least the dentist doesn’t take a percentage of your teeth every time you see him.

[title reference link]

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