Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
When asked to explain why global warming has stopped, climate scientists…
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
When asked to explain why global warming has stopped, climate scientists…
…Obama said it was because of a Youtube video.
….said Gore was inventing internet 2.0
…said Congress passed a bill that banned it.
claimed the people asking didn’t believe in science because they were big-oil company shills
said it ran into Gosnell.
claimed it went into hiding to avoid Kim Jun Chipmonk
…asked for more money to find out where it went.
…blamed Republicans and the sequester.
…pointed out the window and said, “Look, something shiny!”
…it’s time we redefined the word “warming.”
…screamed, “Racist!”
…said that the math to explain this was very involved and would require eight years of college math to understand it and that the models that predicted this are too hard for normal people to visualize and that it’s absence proves its existence and SQUIRREL! and they ran for the door giggling…..
…simply cried.
…said that it was only resting and tying to lull us into a false sense of security.
…said that if Democrats can say reducing the rate of spending can be called a cut then reducing the expected rate of change can still be called warming!
…responded “It hasn’t stopped – it’s just gone into hiding. It’s hiding and making plans, evil plans. And when those plans are complete it will pounce. And then you’ll be sorry – sorry you ever doubted us. And we’ll be all like ‘We told you so, chumps’. Yeah, that’s how it’s gonna be!”
…uh…GLOBAL COOLING! NEW ICE AGE! SOMETHING MUST BE DONE NOW!
…are YOU a scientist? Yeah…didn’t think so!
… SEQUESTER!
…stuck their fingers in their ears and began singing the “Captain Planet” theme loudly.
…pointed to a pile of chicken entrails and yelled, “GHIA HAS SPOKEN!”
… said “look, it’s simple. Rapid global warming followed by rapid global cooling is occurring. It may not look like a lot n each phase, but in the long run, the net effect is… is… oh, sh!t.”
… said “Well, you know, it’s cyclic, and always has been, since the Earth was first formed, and – – – wait a minute, is this thing on??”
…went back to being Social Scientists.
… said it hadn’t, but that the oil companies had downgraded the value of “Fahrenheit” and “Celcius”
. . . said that it was pining for the fjords.
@21 that should obviously be “in each phase”, not “n each phase”. And apologies for the vulgarity (fully understand the admin edit).
. . . introduced Bill Clinton, who said “It depends on what the meaning of ‘stopped’ is.”
… threatened to throw the big switch to start it again if they weren’t paid one million dollars.
…said it’s because Al Gore is keeping his mouth shut more often now.
…all of D.C. went on early summer vacation.
say Obama’s approval rating has reached absolute zero.
…say that global crisis has reached its full taxable potential… a new crisis will be needed to continue to raise taxes.
..blame the sun.
…found it will save the Government money, so the Government lost interest in it as a reason to raise revenues.
… said “Oh, yeah? Maybe on Earth, but it hasn’t stopped on Mars nor on Venus, so let’s continue the gasoline taxes until it is truly stopped everywhere.”
… asked Chief Justice Roberts if they could now tax the climate for non-activity. (He ruled yes, of course.)
… said “The Obama presidency has sent it into remission. It will resume again if a republican becomes president.”
… said that global warming was tied to the economy.
… started tire fires all over the world.
… were unable to give a warm and fuzzy response, just a fuzzy one.
…said they’d just switched the global thermostat to cooling for the summer.
… didn’t get a “Harumph” from one guy.
… erased, suppressed, or altered all emails or reports they had ever written predicting runaway global warming.
… asked “What, anyay, is meaningful about the average between the temperature of the Sahara and that of the Antarctic?? No, it’s the acidity of the oceans that we have to worry about. Only a carbon tax can prevent catastrophe! I have a model and data I have run through an algorithm. Er, um, you don’t by any chance have access to your own data, do you? No? Excellent.”
…because Obama signed a Presidential Order making the Earth a ‘Global Warming Free Zone.’
…said it’s because Harry Reid stopped lighting his farts.
When Asked to Explain Why Global Warming Has Stopped, Climate Scientists…pointed at the heretic and screamed “Unclean!”
…say it’s because it’d stop for Randolph Scott.
… said “Shhh! We’re watching The Big Bang Theory! On a commercial.”
said it’s because Buster Poindexter started singing, ‘Cold cold cold.’
. . . because we fixed the database glitch that was accidentally excluding temperature readings from non-tropical zone.
Blamed Bush.
Added this new data to their models and re-evaluated their conclusions to reflect these facts. Well, that’s what *Scientists* would do. If they don’t, they are activists more than scientists.
Said that the science is very complected, but it is settled and we must raise money to combat this terrible threat.
Requested $1.2B to fully study these new results and to create a new crisis over them.
…smacked the doubter with a hockey stick.
said they’d lost their funding due to sequester.
…found people disliked cold weather more thatn warm weather and they could get more funding approved that way.
…explained, “Shut up!!!!”
…said Joe Biden had spent all the nickels used for funding on something else.
…said, “Arrrrr…. The Laws of Thermodynamics be more guidelines than actual rules.”
said they really meant Global Worming….a recent scientific study found that
every one degree rise in world temperature triggered a 20% population
increase in annelids, irrefutable evidence of global worming.
said, “What difference does it make!”
…said, “We’ll get wiped out by a large asteroid first anyway.”
said, “You screwed up… you trusted us.”
…broke-out their box of butt covers while explaining that global warming can cause “stoppages” to global warming… because… you’re stupid!
said, “We’d always figured politicians were an endless source of hot air, they ran out… Who knew? …but for a modicum of additional funding we can do a study on how to replenish the supply of political hot air.” (All Climate Scientists were rounded up later that day and shot)
changed their nomenclature to “climate change.”
…said Obama is healing the Earth.
…explained their computer model predicted unpredictability, so even though they didn’t predict global warming stopping, they did predict that they wouldn’t be able to predict everything, which means the model is right and global warming is to blame.
@43: Hat tip to Rodney Dill for mentioning Randolph Scott.
said, “Don’t just do something, stand there.”
…started putting up equations on their white board and said, “There will be a quiz on this in five minutes.” Everyone left.
@CCO: Thanks, Oppo gave me the idea from #39, not getting a “Harumph”, referring to the same movie.
…explained that the Navier-Stokes equations are difficult to solve with such an underfunded network of sparse weather sensors and that graduate students sometimes make mistakes. Then, he passed gas laced with CO2, H2S, CH3 and poptarts.
said, “but ….. we have a consensus and a PowerPoint presentation”.
… said “Well,now, that’s an Invenient Truth” (the “con” has been destroyed)
said, “The cake is a lie.”
were busy applying for jobs the TSA.
… said “our science was precipitate, and it has been settled.” (Chemistry humor. They shouldn’t give up their day jobs.)
…said, “We haven’t had the OPPOrtunity to verify that claim!”
…or in the case of another guy, the “OPPOrTUNAity.”
@Oppo #71, That’s no solution.
That’s very vial!
… said it’s a right wing conspiracy to stymie President Obama’s energy policy.
@rodney dill: Ouch. @Jimmy: Ouch Ouch. Clever retorts — pipette down!
@70 AT: “were busy applying for jobs the TSA” — i.e., groping for an answer.
… started looking for a new way to scare the masses into accepting socialist redistribution policies.
@Oppo: Shove a rubber stopper in it and put it on the back Bunsen burner!!!11!
When asked to explain why global warming has stopped, climate scientists…
…said “There are known knowns; there are things we know that we know.
There are known unknowns; that is to say, there are things that we now know we don’t know.
But there are also unknown unknowns – there are things we do not know we don’t know.” Like what the hell we are doing.
…said “Global warming doesn’t stop until WE say it stops!”
…shrugged their collective shoulders and said, “our bad”.
…denied they even Knew Globql Warming, much less had sex with her.
…jumped in their SUV’s and skedaddled out of town.
…made the sign of the Cross and mumbled incantations against Evil.
…offered pious platitudes patiently proposing possible patterns of plausibility.
…said, “If We wanted you opinions We would beat them out of you.”
When asked to explain why global warming has stopped, climate scientists…
…said, “We are the scientists, so back off!”
….decided to pretend not to hear the question.
@81: ~~~~. And then there’s the unknowable: “Like, who the hell do we think we are?!”
…explained that if measured using negative degrees the temperature is actually rising.
@77Oppo and @80Jimmy – The tension is reaching a boiling point, yet I hope to be a catalyst for peace.
Ar Ar Ar.
3 argon atoms for rodney
@85 rodney dill: add some youtextic salts!
@86 Oppo: You’re ameano asset!
Acid comments, but all your base are belong to us!
… But, back to global warming . . .
When asked to explain why global warming has stopped, climate scientists…
.. said Mann went overboard.
…blamed Chaz Bono for forgoing corduroy pants and wearing chinos.
…admitted Bush actually ice-water boarded all those terrorists.
…brought up the mass suicide of NAMBLA members when Justin Bieber started shaving.
…concluded the shade under Air Force One’s wings balanced out Al Gore’s chicken wing consumption the last four years.
…admitted they had to lower their predictions of how hot chicks would get over climate change scientists.
Yeah, well, Oppo shops at Erlenmeyer.
(Out west, that’s a store chain reaction!)
…stamped their feet and said “Did not, did Not, DID NOT!”
explained that thermometers are not working right anymore because of dark energy
Brains imploded
It hasn’t. Global warming reporting by the proper scientists has.
…claimed Beano was amazing and the invention had not been entered into the computer models.
@Oppo; @Jimmy – I’m just a supportive kinda guy. When I get some aitch-two-oh, I’ll make sure both you get some aitch-two-oh-too. 😉
…made some sh!t up.
just gave the questioner an icey stare.
…said “See, that ‘Global Warning Free Zone’ sign worked!”
….no one is asking Algore to speak anymore.
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…peed themselves and began shaking uncontrollably.