Battle of the Sexes: The Nuking Politics Straight Line Challenge

Posted on May 20, 2013 3:00 pm

As you know, Anonymiss recently took over the Straight Line judging duties at Nuking Politics from Keln.

Now that Anonymiss is all settled in, she’s feeling a little feisty. After watching the “Spock vs. Spock Challenge” video, she announced:

I think the original straight line judge and the current straight line judge need to have a battle of wits.

Being the helpful type, I made the following offer:

I write a straight line.

Anonymiss & Keln each submit their best 10 answers.

I’ll post the lists at IMAO (without names) and ask the readers to vote for their favorite.

Winner gets gloating rights.

So today I emailed them both their Challenge Straight Line. They have 1 week to get their 10 best straight lines to me.

Next Monday, I’ll post the lists and you guys get to vote.

NOTE: I’m not posting their Challenge Straight Line here until next week, because I know you guys wouldn’t be able to resist posting your own punchlines, and I don’t want to risk having charges of plagiarism bandied about.

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42 Responses to “Battle of the Sexes: The Nuking Politics Straight Line Challenge”

  1. jw says:

    but but if you don’t post the names, how will i know who to vote for?

  2. Harvey says:

    @1 – Anonymiss’s list will smell vaguely of cookies…

  3. walruskkkch says:

    How shall I vote oh Lord?

  4. Oppo says:

    Could you jumble up the lists?

    The reason I ask is: in two separate lists of 10 entries, it’s possible that one may detect an ever-so-subtle echo of Keln’s style and Anonymiss’s style.

    But if you submitted for judging a mixed list of 20 entries, where only you knew who wrote which, then the voting, by entry number, would reflect only the values of the entries, not of the lists-of-ten.

  5. Apostic says:

    A week? Man, you’re gettin’ too soft on other people. 😉

  6. Anonymiss says:

    @1 and @3, you just vote for the BEST list. That’ll be mine :)

    @4 I agree with Oppo….but I think having 20 separate judged lines could make a lot of work for Harvey. If you can tell it’s my list…all the better!! :)

  7. DamnCat says:

    A whole week? Maybe next time we can see how they do with a Straight Line of the Day.

  8. Harvey says:

    @4 – You’ve obviously mistaken me for someone who’s not incredibly lazy.

    Anyway, here’s how I look at it.

    Either folks will honestly vote for the best list, or they won’t. I suspect that many of those who CAN tell the difference will vote for the best list anyway, as a matter of integrity.

    For those who vote for reasons of prejudice rather than merit, I assume that tiny crowd will be more or less evenly split and their corruption will cancel out.

    In any event, the only thing at stake here is bragging rights, not cash, so even if the event is rife with voter fraud, no one really gets hurt.

    Also, I mentioned to the contestants beforehand that online polls are garbage by definition and not to take the outcome too personally.

  9. DamnCat says:

    How about we pick the best list and the best line.

  10. DamnCat says:

    @8 – wait a second…does that mean that High Praise is…is…worthless????

  11. Harvey says:

    @7 – Yeah, a week. I know that both Keln and Anonymiss are incredibly busy with real-world stuff, and I also know from personal experience that a decent top 10 list can take a good 2 hours to write, and that’s assuming you don’t get interrupted or distracted.

    10 is a LOT to do on one topic, and neither of the contestants are specialists in the “list” format (unlike, say, Lactose).

    A week seemed fair.

  12. walruskkkch says:

    @ 6 I’m not cheap, but I can be had. Bacon!

  13. Harvey says:

    @9 – You can do whatever you want in the comments. All that counts toward victory is the poll results.

    @10 – Absolutely not! High Praise! is more valuable than doubloons minted from an alloy of gold-pressed latinum with an unobtanium cladding and encrusted with diamonds.

    Or – in terms you can relate to: it’s better than napping on a sunny windowsill and waking up to a plate of tuna and a bowl of cream.

  14. Bunkerhillbilly says:

    The lists should be unbroken and unchanged. 10 responses per person.

    Keln and Anon should have to resort to rank bribery for votes. (Campaign traditions needs be maintained.)

    I’ll happily entertain an opening offer of two cases of 50 year old Macallan, four boxes of maduro Macanudos and a set of new whitewalls for my Horch. Because no franchise should be cheaply sold.

  15. Oppo says:

    Revealed! ABC & CNN’s version of Harvey’s post (#8):

    ” lazy. . . . prejudice . . . corruption. . . . . The event is rife with voter fraud. . . Contestants . . . are garbage.”

    This oughta knock Benghazi off the evening news.

  16. Jimmy says:

    I think you should put DamnCat in charge of tallying.

    He’ll go, “One, tu…na!” and run to his bowl.

  17. HokieGomer says:

    “I suspect that many of those who CAN tell the difference will vote for the best list anyway, as a matter of integrity.”

    …matter of integrity…Bwhahahahahahahahaha!!!

  18. Anonymiss says:

    @9 I like that idea! :)

    I’m already working on my list….

    Btw, I have a newfound respect for you guys who come up with a dozen or so tries for the straight line. Wow. How do you make your mind go so many different places? WOW!

  19. Jimmy says:

    Top Ten Reasons Anonymiss Will Win The Contest:

    10. Because, we can’t miss with Anonymiss!

    9. Feminine intuition: she has it and Keln doesn’t.

    8. Cookies are being baked as we speak!

    7. Keln’s probably cleaning up an oil spill in his garage.

    6. Most readers (commenters?) at IMAO are male and we’re biased toward Conservative women.

    5. She likes potatoes and so do real men.

    4. Did I mention we like cookies?

    3. Bacon is her favorite food group.

    2. She’s has Irish blood in her veins, she does, there is, you are, I think.

    And the number one reason Miss Anony will win the contest is:

    1. COOKIES!

  20. Anonymiss says:

    @19 I love you, Jimmy!

  21. walruskkkch says:

    There won’t be an exit polling will there?

  22. Fly says:

    All the girls love Jimmy. What are in those tatters you grow, Jimmy?

  23. Fly says:

    @Harvey: By the way, if you can get commenters to conform to a unique string for voting in their comment, like “vote#2”, I can churn out a python script to tally them up for ya.

  24. Fly says:

    tarnation! my taters are in tatters.

  25. Jimmy says:

    Manly, Irish taters, Fly. The finest kind. All my Internet women love them.

  26. Anonymiss says:

    It’s not the taters that get to me. It’s the WORDS. Did you see how many sweet ones he wrote for me???? Awwww.

    @19 btw, I don’t know of any Irish blood. Yet. I’m American: with Welsh, Swiss, English, Scottish and Danish roots. I’ve gone back 5 generations….I’ll have to keep looking. My dark hair has hints of red highlights in the sun and I can get, shall we say, “exuberant” at times. There may be some Irish blood in there somewhere :) My dad’s from Idaho, though, and I love spuds. Have you ever had spud-nuts?? YUM.

  27. Anonymiss says:

    @25 ALL your internet women, huh?? 😛

  28. Jimmy says:

    Ooops. That was mistyped, Anonymiss. It should read: “My all-Internet woman loves them!

    By the way, Welsh is a good substitute for Irish (I have a wee bit myself), but you should count your fingers and toes periodically. Also, if you have an unexplained preference for the Base 12 number system, you could have a problem.

  29. Harvey says:

    @23 – Thanks, but I’m just planning to use a simple WordPress polling widget.

    Besides, getting Moon Nukers to follow directions is like herding cats (no offense, DamnCat)

  30. Fly says:

    Jimmy says, “I do not-a mean-a to pry, but you don’t by any chance happen to have six fingers on your right hand?”

    Anonymiss replies, “Do you always begin conversations this way?”

    Yes, Jimmy is charming with his words, but I’m pretty sure it goes taters -> stomach -> blood -> brain -> hands -> words.

  31. Jimmy says:

    @30, Fly:

    “A way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.” -Anonymous (but probably a very smart woman!)

    Obviously, Anonymiss knows this with her cookies.

    Someone once said that the average American male thinks about cookies every 19 minutes.

  32. Fly says:

    Ha! I heard it was 19 times a day, but I have no idea what you are talking about. :)

  33. Anonymiss says:

    @31 & @32 Though you guys are indulging in insinuendo….I’ll have you know that MY cookies are SO good that every 19 seconds when the American male thinks about them…he’s actually thinking about COOKIES. 😛

    I’m making sugar cookies right now, but the other day I made Bacon Chocolate Chip Cookies. (There is a picture of them at this link I want to increase the bacon flavor by sprinkling bacon crumbles in a maple glaze on top. Geez I wish you guys were all in one place so I could get some taste testers.

  34. Fly says:

    @33: So do we! Sounds yummy.

    If you bake it, we will come. Darn you, insinuendo! Is there no escaping it?

  35. can of spam says:

    @18 – Sometimes the ball just gets rolling and they come pouring out on their own. Sometimes I’m inspired by reading someone else’s reply (often something only tangentially related, but it gives me new ideas).

    That said, once you prune out running gags and the poor efforts… 10 is still a LOT to pull off for any one straight line. Especially if you get one that just doesn’t “call” to you in the first place.

    As for the contest itself, I fully intend to vote for the list I find funniest, regardless of who wrote it. That said, for the right price…

  36. IMAO » Blog Archive » Afternoon? Heck, I Could Listen to This ALL DAY links:


  37. Anonymiss says:

    If I win….you know we’ll all have to have a Cookie Party to celebrate!!! You’re all invited to Harvey’s house. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind. :)

  38. Harvey says:

    @37 – Um… hope you guys like cat hair…

    Seriously – if you’ve got allergies, you’re doomed.

    Unseriously – NO IRISH!

  39. Anonymiss says:

    @38 I’ve got allergies. I’ll be sure to take my medicine. I’m sure the guys could do that too! 😛

  40. Anonymiss says:

    @14 I don’t understand a word of your bribery requests. :(

  41. IMAO » Blog Archive » Battle of the Sexes: The Nuking Politics Straight Line Challenge – Voting Open For 24 Hours links:

    […] Previously on Battle of the Sexes: The Nuking Politics Straight Line Challenge… _______________ […]

  42. Bunkerhillbilly says:

    @14 I don’t understand a word of your bribery requests.

    Wow, I speak standard English and still need to provide subtitles…

    I’ll happily entertain an opening offer of two cases of 50 year old Macallan, four boxes of maduro Macanudos and a set of new whitewalls for my Horch. Because no franchise should be cheaply sold.

    OK…for those out there not fed thesauri along with their Cream o’ Wheat when they were young, or who are lacking access to Google or Bing, permit me to translate:

    “two cases of 50 year old Macallan”–a copious quantity of very fine vintage Scot whiskey.

    “four boxes of maduro Macanudos”–a quantity of handmade cigars with very dark wrapper tobacco.

    “whitewalls for my Horch”–whitewalls are tires…a Horch is rather nice classic car.

    And a “franchise” refers to one’s right to vote.

    Hence, expressing the above sentiment in a manner more familiar to those who listen to mumble-mouthed rappers…yo, les’ start tha bidz @ fo’ boxez a chilly kilt booze, sum high-tone blak bluntz, an’ sum pimpish rubbah ta sharp up mah hoopdie, kuz a brotha don’ roll on da ‘Bury cheaps, ya dig?

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