Straight Line of the Day: Michelle Obama’s Plan to Expand Her Anti-Obesity Campaign to Zoos…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

Michelle Obama’s plan to expand her anti-obesity campaign to zoos…

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  1. Michelle Obama’s plan to expand her anti-obesity campaign to zoos…

    came to an inglorious end when she tried to get a tiger to try some tofu.

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  2. Michelle Obama’s plan to expand her anti-obesity campaign to zoos…

    …was meet by laughter, and not from just the hyenas.

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  3. Michelle Obama’s plan to expand her anti-obesity campaign to zoos…

    …might have worked, except for the “cutting out the bacon” part.

    …was going well, until the now slimmer lions were able to slip through the bars and devoured several children in a tragic scene which soon brought call for more “Commonsense” anti-obesity plan control.

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  4. … only applied to the zoo’s occupants that refused to become registered democrats (those, those ANIMALS!!!).

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  5. Michelle Obama’s plan to expand her anti-obesity campaign to zoos…

    …was mocked by the Mocking Birds.

    …was hen pecked by the Guinea Hens.

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  6. Michelle Obama’s plan to expand her anti-obesity campaign to zoos…

    …was stopped short by the part where she wanted to make the Bears “Free-Ranged”.

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  7. Michelle Obama’s plan to expand her anti-obesity campaign to zoos…

    …didn’t apply to anything in the Canine family, Obama likes him his dogs juicy!

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  8. Michelle Obama’s plan to expand her anti-obesity campaign to zoos…

    …was stupid. Do we really need to waste taxpayer on this crap fer chrissakes, someone slap some sense into that woman!

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  9. Michelle Obama’s plan to expand her anti-obesity campaign to zoos…

    …will work just as well as it did with the humans

    …was met with a new campaign from the Animal’s Union, “Just Say No”.

    …is actually part of Obamacare. But we had to pass it to find that out.

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  10. had celebrity endorsements like PETA, “I’d rather run from something in fur, than not run at all.”

    had celebrity endorsements like PETA, “I’d rather run from something in fur, than get torn to pieces by a ravenous pack of dingos.”

    and the Chris Christie endorsement, “I’d rather run from something in fur, than… oh what the hell, just eat me.”

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  11. Michelle Obama’s plan to expand her anti-obesity campaign to zoos…

    …would go forward unless the Zebras starting kicking in to “Presidential Library Fund” if you know what I mean.

    …was met by cries of “Are our Zoo animals aren’t fat, they are just big-boned.”

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  12. Michelle Obama’s plan to expand her anti-obesity campaign to zoos…

    …was simplified to “We are going to feed our fat kids to the skinny animals, and the fat animals to our skinny kids.”

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  13. …shows her obvious inability to keep a grasp on reality

    …was immediately accompanied by a waiver for dog pounds

    …only applies to zoos determined to have conservative views

    …exempt Obama’s fat-cat chronies

    …makes some wonder if she thinks there’s a difference between pets and children

    …is just to slim down sharks in preparation for her upcoming shark-jump…but she didn’t want to be accused of profiling

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  14. …failed because all the animals vomited simultaneously, the people left and she went on vacation.

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  15. …were accompanied by putting several zookeepers on the drone strike list

    …had Michael Moore nervously asking “wait…so I’m still cool, right?”

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  16. Michelle Obama’s plan to expand her anti-obesity campaign to zoos…

    …is fascinating. Stupid, but fascinating.

    …raised the question, “Is targeting fat: Racist, Sexist, Genderist, Ageist, or some new ‘ist’ that some smart lawyer will think up?”

    …is sure to turn out well. Honestly. Cross my heart. Trust me, I’m from the government.

    …will become bloated beyond all recognition as all Government programs end up.

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  17. …will pave the way for jail time for anyone with an overweight pet.

    …had the rest of the world rolling their eyes and saying, “first world problems”.

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  18. …led to the new reality show The Biggest Loser: Island of Dr. Moreau. (“What is the law?” “No eat bacon!”)

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  19. Michelle Obama’s plan to expand her anti-obesity campaign to zoos…

    …is only more likely to succeed than Democratic plans to slim down the budget.

    …originated in a fevered dream brought on by the lack of bacon in her system.

    …would have succeeded, if it wasn’t for those meddling kids and their dog!

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  20. …will mean a tax hike on all those “feed the animals” vending machines at zoos but no real impact for the animals.

    …will mean hungrier, more dangerous animals

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  21. …had the concession stands manned by primates. Even if you can dodge the feces, you still need to pry your hot dog away from a 400 pound gorilla named ‘Nancy.’

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  22. Michelle Obama’s plan to expand her anti-obesity campaign to zoos…

    …cannot be put into words, it takes a conceptual art project heavily subsidized by the NEA.

    …might work, but I don’t trust the elephants.

    …was approved by some low level employees from Cincinnati.

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  23. Michelle Obama’s plan to expand her anti-obesity campaign to zoos…

    …why? I don’t know. It all made sense after that last doobie with the Choom Master.

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  24. Michelle Obama’s plan to expand her anti-obesity campaign to zoos…

    …was modeled after President Ford’s “WIN” campaign of 1974.

    …because only things in cages will stand for her obnoxious busybodying.

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  25. Michelle Obama’s plan to expand her anti-obesity campaign to zoos…

    …will result in the US having slimmer, more competitive animals than the Chinese and their lazy assed Panda Bears.

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  26. Michelle Obama’s plan to expand her anti-obesity campaign to zoos…

    …might just work, of course they also thought that about Socialism.

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  27. Michelle Obama’s plan to expand her anti-obesity campaign to zoos…

    …was brilliant! Now, just put down my tax files and take a step back.

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  28. Michelle Obama’s plan to expand her anti-obesity campaign to zoos…

    …depends upon this one thing, the one way to get thin is to re-establish a purpose in life.*

    *let us see if Rodney Dill figures out THAT connection to a previous contest.

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  29. Michelle Obama’s plan to expand her anti-obesity campaign to zoos…

    …ended up being just that, a plan.

    …was placed on the shoulders of the taxpayers.

    …caused zoos across the country to shut down from lack of attendance. Who wants to see a skinny hippo?

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  30. Michelle Obama’s plan to expand her anti-obesity campaign to zoos…

    … was only the first step. Next there’ll be classes for the animals on safe sex and how to properly use a condom.

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  31. Michelle Obama’s plan to expand her anti-obesity campaign to zoos…

    exempted the Sasquatch exhibit

    caused billy clinton to cancel his membership

    had the chimpanzees lining up to be science! experiments!

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  32. Michelle Obama’s plan to expand her anti-obesity campaign to zoos…

    First they came for the Eudorcas thomsonii,
    and I didn’t speak out because I wasn’t an Eudorcas thomsonii.

    Then they came for the Ornithorhynchus anatinus,
    and I didn’t speak out because I wasn’t an Ornithorhynchus anatinus.

    Then they came for the Panthera tigris,
    and I didn’t speak out because I wasn’t a Panthera tigris.

    Then they came for the Homo sapiens,
    and there was no one left to speak for me.

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  33. Michelle Obama’s plan to expand her anti-obesity campaign to zoos…

    …involved a more “Natural” diet for the animals. Which pleased the Predators, the Ruminants? Not so much.

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  34. . . . was first reported by a Fox News employee whose phone has been tapped, e-mails are being perused, and tax returns are being audited.

    . . . is not in the ten most absurd ideas to come out of the White House since January 20, 2009.

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  35. …was brought on when her visit resulted in being pelted by peanuts at the pachyderm exhibit.

    …began with asking a gorilla if he minded peeling his own banana.

    …had it’s genesis in the laughter she provoked whenever she yelled out Let’s Mooooove when leading kids in exercising.

    …was applauded by the hundreds of fat cats she had invited to that nights White House gala.

    …might mean the Yankees will find it easier to tell when they have accidentally shown up at the real Bronx Zoo.

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  36. . . . was called off when a reporter addressed the hippopotamus as “Mrs. Obama”.

    . . . was called off when the keeper hosed off the FLOTUS.

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  37. Michelle Obama’s plan to expand her anti-obesity campaign to zoos…

    …will include an exercise program called “everyone runs from the lions.”

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  38. will close the elephant houses and the hippo houses, but at least we can hope it will also close the house of rinos

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