Straight Line of the Day: The Most Surprising Item in the New Vanity Fair Piece on President Obama…

Posted on May 1, 2013 12:00 pm

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

The most surprising item in the new Vanity Fair piece on President Obama…

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55 Responses to “Straight Line of the Day: The Most Surprising Item in the New Vanity Fair Piece on President Obama…”

  1. can of spam says:

    … is that Vanity Fair is still in business. Seriously?

  2. can of spam says:

    … is that Obama comes out of the closet. Detractors immediately note that as a lame duck, he risks pretty much nothing for this “brave” act.

  3. Richard says: that it still has subscribers.

  4. Apostic says:

    …will come out if you send it to the laundry.

  5. can of spam says:

    … due to the amount of puffery included, the magazine is actually lighter than air.

  6. DamnCat says:

    …is that it contains more vanity than all their previous issues put together.

  7. can of spam says:

    … is that the article was being cross-posted to Golf Digest.

  8. Apostic says:

    …was the name change from Vanity Fair to Tigery Beat.

  9. can of spam says:

    … is the simple but tasty recipe for dog-kebab.

  10. physics geek says:

    The most surprising item in the new Vanity Fair piece on President Obama…

    1) …is that the author could actually write it while on his knees

    2) …is that it doubles as an emetic.

    3) …is that it came printed on a roll of toilet paper.

  11. Mrs. Campbell says:


    Apparently the floor is lava . . . how else can you explain why his feet are almost never on the floor?

    I’m surprised no one has smacked up upside the head for putting his feet up on that desk.

    Do you love me? Check “yes” or “no”.

  12. can of spam says:

    … is that the president had time for interviews and photos, what with attending security and economic meetin… ok, almost got through that with a straight face.

  13. FormerHostage says:

    …is that many suspect it was written by Bill Ayers.

    …is that they used the word “awsome” only 347 times.

    …is how appropriate the magazine title is to the subject matter.

  14. rodney dill says:

    is Oh the humanityhuge vanity.

  15. can of spam says:

    … is that they accidentally included that one photo of the reporter… er… “paying lip service” to Obama.

  16. rodney dill says:

    …Joe Biden back out of being interviewed with Barry, after he found out that Vanity Fair didn’t have any carnival rides.

  17. c64wood says:

    … is that Obama is not really black

  18. Iowa Jim says:

    . . . is the announcement that Vanity Fair, effective with its next issue, will be changing its name to Vanity Poor.

  19. rodney dill says:

    …Barry kept saying, ‘You didn’t print that!’

  20. can of spam says:

    … is that Obama’s secret service name is apparently “double bogey”.

  21. can of spam says:

    … is the chilling recounting of the horrible 11 minutes when the teleprompter was on the fritz, leaving the reporter in the room with a catatonic Obama.

  22. rodney dill says:

    …you couldn’t discern between the article and all the ads for feminine hygiene products in the magazine.

  23. can of spam says:

    … is the humorous but awkward recollection of sending Biden on a snipe hunt, which Obama ended with claiming he’d already shot all the snipe at Camp David.

  24. rodney dill says:

    …Barry stopped after making 7 points, because he wouldn’t allow more bullets in a magazine.

  25. rodney dill says:

    …was that Obama actually can read.

  26. can of spam says:

    … is that after seeing the photo spread, Laura Bush had to physically refrain GWB from “going up there to show that punk some proper respect for the office”.

  27. Bob B says:

    …is that Obama thinks that vanity IS fair.

  28. can of spam says:

    @26 (Maybe that would have been funnier with Hillary/Bill Clinton?)

  29. jw says:

    obama’s just Hitchin’ a Ride

  30. sug says:

    …how long it took to erase that red line.

  31. Fangbeer says:

    is that the fairness doctrine requires that Vanity fair include a rebuttal from the actual Messiah.

  32. Drew says:

    …is that it contained a centerfold of the Won’s teleprompter.

    …is that Obama revealed HIS new bangs.

  33. Mrs. Campbell says:

    perfume sample in the middle of the spread, “eau de poodle” – YUM!

  34. Oppo says:

    … is his fall fascism preview.

    … is the way he asked, quiveringly, if this meant he was no longer in vogue.

    … is that “What is your favorite color?” is actually the toughest question the press has asked him.

    … is that the cover story was going to be on Fast & Furious, but they couldn’t think of one.

    … is that they photographed him through a bengauzi lens.

  35. Bob in Feenicks says:

    …it’s not the first time a giant douche has appeared in the magazine, just the first time as a featured article.

  36. James says:

    . . . is that Obama finally scraped what was left of the constitution off the bottom of his shoe.

  37. Bean Burrito says:

    …is that there is a photograph of somebody bowing TO HIM for once!

    …is learning that he doesn’t even stand up to pee!

    …is that the only activity that gets him to stand up is golf!

    …is that he likes to put his feet up on the Resolute Desk which was gifted to President Rutherford B. Hayes by Queen Victoria in 1880. Hey at least something in the Oval Office has resolve!

  38. c64wood says:

    is when Obama discusses his Christian Faith and then corrects himself, “er, muslim faith”.

  39. bocephus says:

    …is when he admits that his ass DOES get jealous because of all the sh!t that comes out of his mouth.

  40. walruskkkch says:

    The most surprising item in the new Vanity Fair piece on President Obama…

    …was the naked, pregnant picture of the President on the cover.

    …was his admission to being the worst President ever, or was that The Onion?

    …even the articles were lies.

    …was nothing, absolutely nothing, nothing, nothing….honestly, nothing.

    …was Obama’s admission to having a “thing” for Justin Bieber.

    …he honestly thought Kenya was one of the 57 states.

    …his admission that yes, he was drunk as a skunk when he proposed to Michelle.

    …he tends to not put the right foot in when he Hokey-Pokey’s.

    …has all the episodes of “Golden Girls” on his Ipod.

    …was all set to come out as gay, until Jason Collins stole his thunder. The Biatch.

  41. Dohtimes says:

    …is the groundbreaking sniff and scratch insert.

    …was his promise to give free mourning after pills to all Americans when he leaves office.

    …is that he often fails the security checks he has to go through to get into the star studded events he puts on at the White House.

    …the first 83 million names on his kill list just happen to be conservative Christians.

    …to gain street cred he lied that he once shot a man in a Renault just to watch him drive.

  42. Mrs. Campbell says:

    how often Michelle tells him, “Get your feet off the Resolute desk! What, were you born in a 3rd world African country?”

  43. Writer says:

    Vanity Fair finally came clean and renamed itself Vanity.

  44. Writer says:

    Was when the reporter offered that Obama was nearly as arrogant as Nixon, and Obama replied that “Nixon was a Piker!

  45. Dohtimes says:

    …is that he spends most of his non golfing time around gay atheletes and admitting he is not familiar with his so called wife, Michelle.

  46. currently says:

    … that he is really, really afeared of that there Dirt Devil RoomMate Robotic Hard Floor Vacuum

  47. cynic says:

    no offense to any any of the winners of the last straight line, but Harvey, can you start picking the winners? anonymiss’s funny is broke.

  48. Oppo says:

    I think she’s doing a fine job.

    Remember, the selections are admittedly (and proudly) subjective.

  49. Harvey says:

    @47 – Sorry, cynic, I have no input on it. NP judges straight lines however they want.

    If you want to win, you need to figure out now to impress the judge.

    Hint: using the word “cookies” can’t hurt.

  50. Writer says:

    Was that they left out his inability to read, and the fact that he lost his Audio Book on the Constitution in 1986.

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