Little Known Facts About Frank J.

Posted on June 4, 2013 9:30 am

Frank J. Fleming is a pseudonym. His real name? Phineas J. Whoopee.

What does the J stand for? Justice!

Despite being married for several years and producing two offspring, Frank has yet to see Sarah K. naked.

Many years ago, and to his great shame, he interned for Glenn Reynolds… as his personal Cuisinart operator!!!

His obsession with nuking the moon began the day he was inadvertently cut-off on the freeway by Buzz Aldrin.

He once punched a hippie in Reno, just to watch him cry.

After years of extensive psychiatric treatment, he no longer believes himself to be the reincarnation of blood-thirsty Chinese Communist dictator Mao Tse Tung… but his alternate personalities, Basil, Harvey, and seanmahair, have yet to be purged of this same belief.

His fear of monkeys dates back to recurring childhood nightmares of Curious George mistaking his nose for a banana.

Only it wasn’t his nose!!!

His quest to breed dinosaurs with rocket launchers has reached a crucial stage in which he has successfully mated a salamander with a squirt gun.

He never really wanted to be a blogger. His lifelong dream?

[link]

Happy Birthday, Frank!

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4 Responses to “Little Known Facts About Frank J.”

  1. Bunkerhillbilly says:

    He once punched a hippie in Reno, just to watch him cry.

    Erm…one minor nit to pick about that…wouldn’t you be more likely to punch a hippie in Berkley than in Reno?

    (Johnny Cash and Burning Man notwithstanding.)

  2. Harvey says:

    @1 – Turns out Frank actually kidnapped the hippie in Berkeley, dragged him to Reno, and THEN punched him just because it would make the incident sound more like a Johnny Cash song.

  3. Jimmy says:

    * Frank once hung out with Fred Thompson and they found each other so awesome, they just stood there and silently stared.

    * Not only did Frank find his wife via the Internet, apparently his dog, cat, car, computers, college degree and everything else were obtained there, too. In fact, it’s possible Frank is just an algorithm.

    * “Frank has yet to see Sarah K. naked.” Hey, that’s the way Victorians did it.

  4. Dohtimes says:

    Frank once jiggled his junk in Tallahassee just to make Janet Reno sigh.

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