Politics has a math of its own. Whereas a scientifically minded person might see things this way: One person who says 2+2=5 is an idiot; two people who think 2+2=5 are two idiots; and a million people who think 2+2=5 are a whole lot of idiots – political math works differently. Let’s work backwards: if a million people think 2+2=5, then they are not a million idiots, but a “constituency.” If they are growing in number, they are also a “movement.” And, if you were not only the first person to proclaim 2+2=5, but you were the first to persuade others, then you, my friend, are not an idiot, but a visionary.
A new telephone poll shows that 60% of physicians said it is likely many doctors will retire earlier than planned because of Obamacare.
The other 40% had already had their phones disconnected.
Two great takeaways from this post by Hunter:
1) Strictly in terms of holiday fun, Independence Day beats up Christmas and steals its lunch money.
2) Everything you need to know about Islam can be learned from their wacky moon-calendar.
[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to email@example.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]
id make a terrible cowboy im would try to hug all the cactuses
— secret egg!! (@raresecretegg) July 30, 2013
Amazon says it will create 7,000 new jobs. 5,000 of them are "shooing foxes out of abandoned Barnes & Nobles."
— Rob Kutner (@ApocalypseHow) July 30, 2013
I imagine Bloomberg stomping around his office, throwing things, screaming "FINE! We'll just let people eat what they WANT! Like SAVAGES!"
— Popehat (@Popehat) July 30, 2013
R.E.M.'s "Everybody Hurts" should play every time anyone takes a bite into a microwave burrito.
— Damien Fahey (@DamienFahey) July 30, 2013
if white house calculated jobs created by Keystone Pipeline with formula they use for "green jobs" creation, it'd be 2 million new jobs
— David Harsanyi (@davidharsanyi) July 30, 2013
There are people in this country that use explosives to shoot anvils in the air for sport. That is American exceptionalism.
— Stephen Gutowski (@collegepolitico) July 30, 2013
Kopel: NY Court enforces Portion Cap; Bloomberg may not consume power which exceeds the portion he has been allocated by the Constitution.
— Dave Kopel (@davekopel) July 30, 2013
When asked what the federal government could do to help Detroit after its bankruptcy, Joe Biden said “we don’t know at this point.”
Well, that didn’t stop them BEFORE the bankruptcy.
We have to acknowledge the progress we made, but understand that we still have a long way to go. That things are better, but still not good enough.
BARACK OBAMA, Larry King Live, Oct. 19, 2006
“When will it finally be good enough? When I make this country hit rock bottom.”
So apparently there were a bunch of Hitlers in Ohio. You’re probably saying, “Yeah, okay, makes sense.” But here’s the thing: Apparently there once was such a person as “Dr. Gay Hitler” …who was born to George Washington Hitler!
I don’t have a joke here. It just seems like something people should know. That Dr. Gay Hitler was a real person.
Man, I can just imagine what would happen if Dr. Gay Hitler and George Washington Hitler teamed up. My guess is that Dr. Gay Hitler would be some sort of flamboyant mad scientist and that George Washington Hitler would be someone with the military leadership of George Washington but the evil of Hitler (and also had wooden teeth). Probably in some alternate universe Dr. Gay Hitler and George Washington Hitler did take over the world — unless Chuck Norris Patton stopped them.
Anonymiss of Nuking Politics picked her favorite punchlines to “Jimmy Carter Is Planning to Visit North Korea, Where He Will…”
Click here to see if you made the cut.
If you did, you should probably email Keln about becoming a guest blogger there.
If you didn’t, Anonymiss has got another straight line for you to practice on.
Keep trying. No one likes a quitter.