You Have a New Friend Request From State

Posted on July 19, 2013 5:00 pm

So I guess the State Department was feeling lonely or had low self-esteem or something and decided it would be a good idea to try and increase their popularity on Facebook by getting people to “like” them. And of course, they did what most people that have no friends do on Facebook and paid “professional” Facebook friends to follow and like them.

You know, people in India and China who sit around all day liking and befriending people on Facebook for money. I don’t know how many faux Facebook friends three quarters of a million dollars can buy, but that’s what State felt was a modest amount of our tax dollars to spend.

It seems to me that there might be better ways to increase the popularity of the State Department, assuming that being popular even matters. So I thought of some other things they could try…

    Ways the State Department Can Make People Like Them Better

• Target Americans with drones that deliver free bacon.

• Enter John Kerry in to the Kentucky Derby.

• Apologize for Benghazi Hilliary Clinton kowtowing to Foreign Leaders mistakes made by rogue low level agents.

• Diplomacy by Twitter!

• Start pointing out that, at least they aren’t the NSA, IRS, or the Justice department.

• Or Congress…

• Letting people who connect to them on LinkedIn be ambassador for a day in the terrorist-ridden hotspot paradise nation of their choice.

• Issue an official State memo insulting the French.

Well, there’s probably more, but I’ll leave that up to you guys.

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7 Responses to “You Have a New Friend Request From State”

  1. Writer says:

    I’m not sure how it would work elsewhere, but their esteem would rise in the U.S. if they quit sending our money to those countries that hate us.

  2. Writer says:

    It would certainly raise their esteem at home if they simply quit sending money to countries that HATE US.

  3. Grand Larsen E. says:

    If they want me to like them, they can suck my…sorry, gotta go, FBI at the door.

  4. zzyzx says:

    • Or the White House…

  5. Les says:

    Ways the State Department Can Make People Like Them Better:

    Post hilarious cat videos — and blame them for attacks on embassies.

    Conduct bus tours of the State Department grounds while periodically throwing low-level agents under the vehicle.

    Throw Molotov cocktail parties at American embassies in rogue terrorist nations.

    Free guns and rocket launchers for the first nation to Tweet “Death to America!”

  6. jw says:

    free pantsuits and feedbags to all the arab spring folks we abandoned

  7. seanmahair says:

    I wouldn’t “friend” any government entity. They’re all out to kill us. Just like Mother Nature. She has a contract out on humans and she’s calling in all the chips. Fire, flood, famine, earthquake. It’s all bad.

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