People are always saying to me, “Frank, why do you keep writing about politics? I don’t care about politics. Can you write about something else?”
I don’t know who these people are; they’re always gone by the time I turn around. In fact, it might just be voices in my head. But anyway, I’ve always loved animals ever since I was a kid. Well, I loved them as a kid and I’m kinda eh about them now, but I know a few little-known fun facts about animals to share with you. Well, they might be fun; I’m not really sure. If they’re not fun, hey I’m sorry. The voices told me to write this post.
FUN ANIMAL FACTS
* If you roll an alligator on its back, it will be unable to right itself. Try it. It only works with really big ones.
* Polar bears are only naturally white when young, as eventually their furs turns brown as they get older. Thus Eskimos bleach adult polar bears so they’ll meet tourist expectations.
* The eagle is the only bird legally able to rent a car.
* No matter how much it begs, no matter how much it cries, never loan a sloth money.
* It’s not true that honey badgers don’t care about anything, something you’ll find out if you mention the Fed in front of one.
* Lions used to be one of the most prosperous species, living on all continents and dominating the food chain. But that was like a thousand years ago and now they’re just violent militants.
* Little is known about the deep-sea dwelling giant squid other than that it is deathly afraid of clowns.
* Despite its duck-like appearance, the platypus, much like Adolph Hitler, is a mammal.
* The turtle’s shell was an evolutionary adaptation allowing a turtle to get free food at parties while still being a severe introvert.
* The chimpanzee is the smartest animal other than human, but it’s not like it’s going to develop a cure for cancer or anything so who cares?
* The main difference between a wolf and a domesticated dog is how easily is can recognize that Beggin’ Strips aren’t real bacon.
* The penguins, being a bird that can’t fly, are extremely bitter and angry.
* Scientist still don’t understand how a snake moves without any limbs. Then again, they haven’t really studied it because then they’d have to touch snakes.
* The extra ‘l’ in llama is for savings.
* Leave a lizard in water too long and it will become a salamander.
* There’s only one known poisonous bird. His name is Jeremy. Keep an eye out for him.