If I cut off my ponytail my pet iguana will die.
— Bryan Donaldson (@TheNardvark) August 16, 2013
Wow. Area 51 is a real place and the government monitors your actions??? That news is so old, it could co-star with Morgan Freeman in Red 3.
— Don Nichols (@TheDairylandDon) August 16, 2013
I tried this internet recipe for supposedly the best ever chicken roasted in a crock pot. Superlatives mean nothing anymore.
— SarahK Fleming (@sarahk47) August 16, 2013
Sometimes I ask the cashier if she has one of those markers that shows if money is counterfeit and when she says yes I just walk out.
— MJ (@sucittaM) August 17, 2013
yeah my body is a temple, a Temple Of Doom. it’s been around since 1984 and it hasn’t aged well
— lawblob (@lawblob) August 18, 2013