“So, Lily, do you understand why lying is wrong,” Bob asked his little daughter.
She stared at the floor. “Yes.”
“We’re very disappointed,” Bob’s wife Deborah added.
The doorbell rang. Bob hesitantly went to answer it.
“Hi, Bob!” exclaimed a smiling president Obama. “Are you busy?”
Bob tried to come up with an excuse, but he didn’t think of one quickly enough. “What do you need, Mr. President?”
“I’m just going around seeing how I’m improving everyone’s lives,” Obama said, letting himself in.
“Are you sure you couldn’t do that better from afar?” Bob asked. He then noticed a bunch of union workers mulling around outside. “What are they here for?”
“Don’t mind them.” Obama looked to Deborah and Lily. “Hi, ladies. Don’t worry your abortions are safe.”
Deborah looked very unamused. “That’s great.”
“What’s an abortion?” Lily asked.
Obama kneeled down to see Lily eye to eye. “Well, it’s this wonderful thing where–”
Bob pulled Obama back to standing. “Please don’t.”
“So what are you up to?” Obama asked, looking around. He then saw a number of papers laid out on a coffee table. “Oh, looking over health plans! Obamacare is going into full effect soon! Everyone is going to love it! Are you excited?”
Bob sighed. “It’s like Christmas in October.”
Obama picked up a sheet of paper. “What’s this?”
“That’s the plan we currently have,” Bob said. “We really like that one.”
Obama shook his head. “It’s too good. We need you to get a cheaper plan.”
“But didn’t at the start of this whole Obamacare thing,” Deborah said, “you told everyone that if they liked their plan, they could keep it?”
Obama shrugged. “I say lots of things. You can’t honestly expect me to keep track of all the things I say.”
“When you say something that isn’t true,” Lily told the president, “that’s lying and it’s bad.”
Obama stared at the little girl a moment and then looked at Bob. “Your daughter is out of control; do something about her.”
“I might have to back her up on this one and–” Bob was interrupted by Lily crying. Bob looked around to see a horrible, taut visage smiling at him. Nancy Pelosi.
“I invited Nancy Pelosi to help tell everyone how great Obamacare is,” Obama said.
“I’m sure she’ll be as influential as you are,” Bob answered as he watched Lily run off to the kitchen.
“Obamacare is going to be great!” Pelosi exclaimed. “Are you all excited?”
“We’d really rather you left our insurance alone,” Deborah said.
“Oh no; you’re going to love it,” Pelosi said.
“What about it are we going to love?” Bob asked.
Pelosi looked confused. “I don’t really know what’s in it yet. We’re still figuring it out. But that’s what makes it so great; it’s like a wrapped present or a pinata or… uh…”
“Time bomb,” Bob suggested.
“Don’t be silly; it’s going to be great and you’re going to love it,” Pelosi said. “I can’t wait for it. I mean, my staff and I are exempt from it, but I’m sure I’ll know it’s working from the smiling face–”
Pelosi was interrupted by Lily throwing a glass of water on Pelosi. “Lily!” Bob shouted. Lily ran back for the kitchen. Bob then noticed the union works coming into their house carrying buckets of paint. “What’s going on?”
“We’re so happy to improve everyone’s lives with Obamacare,” Obama explained, “we’re now going to try and help in other areas too.”
“Are they going to paint the walls?” Deborah asked, looking panicked.
“Yes!” Obama answered. “You’re going to love it.”
Deborah looked warily at the buckets of paint. “What color is it?”
“We have to put the paint on your walls to find out what color it is,” Pelosi said.
Deborah looked at the president. “I don’t want this!”
“Well, if you like your current house color, you can keep it,” Obama assured her.
“I want to keep it!”
A union worked started slapping a sickly-looking green on the wall. “Too late!” Obama said. “We started; might as well finish.”
Deborah clutched her face. “This is horrible.”
“It might look a little odd now,” Pelosi told her. “But once it’s all done, I’m sure you’ll love it. Why–”
Lily ran up and threw another glass of water on Pelosi.
“Lily, no!” Bob yelled.
Lily stared at Pelosi for a couple seconds and then ran back for the kitchen.
Bob turned to Obama. “I want a stop to this now.”
“Or what?” Obama laughed. “You’ll shut down the government? Come on. This is great; you love it.”
Deborah noticed union workers picking up her couch. “What’s going on now?”
“New furniture!” Pelosi exclaimed. “Isn’t that wonderful?”
“I don’t want knew furniture,” Deborah pleaded with Obama.
“Well, if you want your old couch, you can keep it,” Obama promised her.
“I. Want. To. Keep. It,” Deborah said very carefully.
“Too late!” Obama said. “They already set it on fire on your front lawn. But that couch was too excessive anyway. We’re going to get you a nice futon — once the futon exchange is set up. You’re loving this, aren’t you?”
“Isn’t this the best thing ever?” Pelosi smiled to the point it looked like her face would break. “Isn’t it wonderful? We’re all–”
Lily ran over and threw another glass of water on Pelosi. She stared at Pelosi a couple seconds and then frowned. “It’s not working!”
“Lily, stop trying to melt the minority leader!” Bob yelled.
“Why don’t you go upstairs before they try and replace you,” Deborah said.
“You have to stop this all now!” Bob said to Obama firmly as Pelosi went to find a towel.
Obama frowned. “I’m helping; I’m making things better.”
“If people say they don’t want your help,” Bob said. “Maybe you should listen.”
“That’s stupid,” Obama answered. “You can’t help people by listening to them.”
“And why do you think that?”
Obama frowned and looked to the ground. “Because all people say is for me to leave them alone.”
Bob put his hand on Obama’s shoulder. “That’s because you’re horrible at everything and the best way you could help people would be to find some field far out of everyone’s way, dig a hole there, and then sit in that hole and stay there.”
“Bob!” Deborah chided him.
“I’m just trying to be honest with him. He needs to–” Bob yelped in pain. “You stepped on my foot!”
Obama smiled. “You love that!”