I have this device I invented that explodes young, female horses. It’s called a “Filly Buster.”
That’s 100 proof political humor right there, folks.
Really not looking forward to 2017 as the next president is going to be such a huge disappoint after how awesome Obama has been.
I love how Microsoft keeps updating IE so it no longer works with any web pages. And why am I even using IE?
I’m working on my new compassionate conservative messaging to appeal to the poor: “You’re not going to starve, so stop being so whiny.”
Harry Reid looks like he took a small sip from a fake holy grail.
The great thing about seeing Harry Reid speak is at least you can be certain that at this moment he is not molesting children.
Harry Reid has just never gotten over how those kids and their dog exposed his scheme to haunt a house.
The new generation of Republican has no need for sleep and will be able to cut funding for food stamps 24/7.
“We have to pass the bill to find out what’s in it” sounds more like the sort of dangerous job for the Mythbusters instead of the country at large.
Guys feel loved when a woman makes them a sandwich. Even more so when it’s a sammich.
Since our household is gluten-free, sandwiches are a special treat since bread is expensive.
Do people really write screenplays in Starbucks? When I’m writing, even the smallest disturbance will break my train of thought.
So how are they going to fit the sandwich making into the speed dating?
I was never fooled by @Horse_ebooks because I noticed it doesn’t have a blue check mark.
I can’t remember how we wasted time before the internet. Did we just stare at the wall or something?
And when we tell kids how we had to watch shows at certain times and couldn’t pause them they’ll think we lived under Communism.
These sad panda jokes are the White House making light of sexual harassment. #WarOnWomen
My stories of what it took to look up random facts pre-internet will put those “had to walk 5 miles through snow to school” stories to shame.