"Daddy, am I going to die someday?" "No, you're the only immortal being in the entire world. Goodnight, stupid."
— sweaty five dollars (@iscoff) September 19, 2013
#TalkLikeAPirateDay is like the Olympic trials for unbearable coworkers
— Horton Atonto (@crushingbort) September 19, 2013
former nintendo president hiroshi yamauchi died today but someone should blow in him just to make sure
— rob whisman (@robwhisman) September 19, 2013
Hey do you want to come over and play GTA, or we can just talk about GTA
— Brian Gaar (@briangaar) September 19, 2013
Instead of Pelosi tweeting hypocritically about hunger she cld have donated the 10's thousands she spent on plastic surgery to soup kitchens
— Kathleen McKinley (@KatMcKinley) September 19, 2013
The only thing higher that the public's contempt for Washington is Washington's contempt for the public.
— David Burge (@iowahawkblog) September 19, 2013
Welcome to Indiana. The 19th State. The Diaper State. Home of a city called Gary that looks and smells exactly like you'd imagine.
— michael (@michaeljhudson) September 19, 2013
Every night I pray for a bat to fly into Eminem's face on a red carpet & cause him to run in circles screaming in a falsetto.
— Uncle Dynamite (@UncleDynamite) September 19, 2013
"Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" is my favorite book where a bunch of kids get badly hurt in a factory and the owner runs away.
— Matt Roller (@rolldiggity) September 19, 2013