Re-Read the Instruction Manual, Please

(Submitted by RAML [High Praise!])

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Way Too Honest Beer Commercial

[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #383,606)

By the way, the video actually ends at 1:35. The rest is just annoying t-shirt plugging that you have no obligation to watch.

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One of the Few Jobs Left in That Town

Detroit Police Chief James Craig told a crowd that he narrowly escaped getting carjacked while driving an unmarked police car.

This is terrible. Detroit’s so bad now even car thieves have a hard time making a living.

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Trick or Treat

Not getting a lot of Trick-Or-Treaters coming up to the porch tonight.

I wonder why.


Be safe.

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Somebody Send This Link to the RNC – Pronto!

[High Praise! to Laughing Conservative]

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Link of the Day: All Democrats Are High School Girls

[High Praise! to Nuking Politics]

All Democrats Are High School Girls

[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]

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Wisdom of the Day: Frog Liver Secretary Obama Girl

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Kind Sir, I Am Need Your Help

During a speech in Houston, Republican Senator Ted Cruz said it was like the Obamacare website was being run by “Nigerian email scammers”.

Yes, except Nigerian email scammers can’t take your money if you don’t participate.

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Obama Warned Us – Reagan

I might have arguments with the size of Reagan’s military buildup, but given the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan, staying ahead of the Soviets militarily seemed a sensible thing to do. Pride in our country, respect for our armed services, a healthy appreciation for the dangers beyond our borders, an insistence that there was no easy equivalence between East and West–in all this I had no quarrel with Reagan. And when the Berlin Wall came tumbling down, I had to give the old man his due, even if I never gave him my vote.

BARACK OBAMA, The Audacity of Hope

“So really, the only thing I have against Reagan is that the Soviets lost.”

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She likes me. She really likes me.

Having only recently upgraded to a newer iPhone that has Siri, I’m still getting used to it. Some stuff is great. Other times, it’s unexpected. And sometimes, it’s unexpected in an unexpected way (unexpected2).


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You’ve Been Judged!

Anonymiss of Nuking Politics picked her favorite punchlines to “A New Report Shows Government Workers Are Absent 50% More Than Private Sector Ones. What Do They Do With That Time Off?

Click here to see if you made the cut.

If you did, you should probably email Keln about becoming a guest blogger there.

If you didn’t, Anonymiss has got another straight line for you to practice on.

Keep trying. No one likes a quitter.

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Straight Line of the Day: The UN Has a Plan to Defend Earth From Asteroids…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

The UN has a plan to defend Earth from asteroids…

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What Should Happen to Kathleen Sebelius

So what do you think should happen to Kathleen Sebelius for her huge incompetence and waste of tax dollars?

Remember, though: The harshest punishment available for a government employee is time off with pay.

I’m thinking she should write a hundred word essay on how she’ll try harder in the future.

Computers are very hard. They have bright screen and beep and I do not understand them. I tried to hire people who understand them, but they no good either. I will try to find better people. People with glasses because they are usually smart. Now I will count these words. That was only fifty words. Do I really need to write a hundred? That is a lot of words. This Secretary job is hard and now people are yelling at me. This makes me sad. I will count the words again. Still need some more. Burritos are my favorite food.

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If Orson Welles had been born 75 years later…


ANNOUNCER: The Columbia Broadcasting System and its affiliated stations present Orson Welles and the Mercury Theatre on the Air!

[MUSIC: “Piano Concerto No. 1 in B-flat minor, Op. 23” – P. Tchaikovsky, arranged and conducted by Bernard Herrmann]

ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen: the director of the Mercury Theatre and star of these broadcasts, Orson Welles …

ORSON WELLES: We know now that in the early years of the twenty-first century this country was being watched closely by beings different than normal man and yet as mortal as he.

We know now that as human beings busied themselves about their various concerns they were scrutinized and studied, perhaps almost as narrowly as a man with a microscope might scrutinize the transient creatures that swarm and multiply in a drop of water.

With infinite complacence people went to and fro over the nation about their little affairs, serene in the assurance of their dominion over this small spinning fragment of solar driftwood which by chance or design man has inherited out of the dark mystery of Time and Space.

Yet across an immense ethical gulf, minds that are as different from our minds as ours are to the beasts in the jungle, intellectuals, cool and unsympathetic, regarded this country with envious eyes and slowly and surely drew their plans against us.

In the thirteenth year of the twenty-first century came the great disillusionment. It was in October when the attack plans reached fruition. Obamacare was a reality…

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Random Thoughts: Antarctica, Bill Maher, and the Glitch

In the next Constitution, there needs to be some sort of triggering mechanism where the entire government is exiled to Antarctica.

People say, “Forcefully relocating all of Congress to Antarctica would be expensive!” but I think in the end we’d save money.

It’s cute Bill Maher thinks he’s not part of the stupider Americans.

This is all because of a glitch we had in 2008.

So how is the “We had to lie to you because you’re stupid” spin working out?

It’s a little scary sometimes to see the seething hatred some on the left have for what they imagine Republicans in middle America are like.

I looked in the comments of an NY Times article (why would I do that) and saw this:

I think what you are seeing here is the wealthy republicans (at heart) who can no longer stomach the ‘social conservatives’ that have taken over the Republican Party are now Democrats.

They had to go somewhere, they certainly could not stay with the mouth breathers and droolers who still consider it their god given task to stop gays, blacks, browns and single mothers wherever they may be.

So the wealthy, in New York City at least, are a very mixed bag. Some are still FDR liberals, but some are more akin to John Galt with a social conscience.

That’s OK, we should take our allies where we can get them.

I’m guessing that guy imagines he’s standing up the KKK while he’s actually using rhetoric and ignorant hatred that makes him more their kin.

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