Shutdown has hurt the economy.
Oh, wait. That was Obama. Shutdown has actually not really done anything bad. Obama and the Democrats have used Shutdown to do bad things — you know, make things unnecessarily hard for families and veterans and such — but that’s because they’re low-life bastards. Shutdown in and of itself? It’s fine.
But, it has caused problems for Michelle’s Garden. Squirrels are eating up all the tomatoes, according to reports.
Squirrels are vicious, nasty creatures with with nasty, big, pointy teeth.
No, wait. That’s not right. They’re little furry creatures that will stop eating your tomatoes if you approach them. You don’t have to do anything else. Just walk toward a squirrel and it’ll stop, jerk it’s head in your direction, and, when it realizes you are approaching — squirrels are stupid and it may take two or three seconds for this — will scurry away, down the grass or up a tree or anywhere you aren’t.
Which means that Shutdown has stopped people from walking toward squirrels.
That’s the people that the stupid 52% of Americans voted for: People that can be defeated by squirrels.
Maybe the GOP should run a squirrel in 2016. I’d vote for one over any of the Democrats I’ve seen.