Straight Line of the Day: Turns Out a Lot of Twitter Accounts Are Faked by Robots. The Giveaway…

Posted on November 26, 2013 12:00 pm

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

Turns out a lot of Twitter accounts are faked by robots. The giveaway…

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68 Responses to “Straight Line of the Day: Turns Out a Lot of Twitter Accounts Are Faked by Robots. The Giveaway…”

  1. rodney dill says:

    …they keep asking, ‘Do you speak bocce?’
    …they keep saying, “Klaatu Barada Nicto.”
    …they keep saying, “Danger Will Robinson.”

  2. c64wood says:

    The Giveaway…

    …Obama has more than 2 followers

  3. rodney dill says:

    …When asked about hot girls they always respond, “Yea, she’s a real two.”
    (think about it)

  4. rodney dill says:

    …they keep on wanting to rock on to Electric Avenue.

  5. c64wood says:

    …the unemployment rate continues to rise as humans are replaced by robots

  6. Steve H says:

    … they giggled at all the same jokes.
    … they were all trying to sell me Herbalife.
    … nobody admits to Twitting anymore.
    … they use characters you can’t find on an actual keyboard.
    … they swoon when you mention Wall-E or Number Five.
    … they all have a close friend who made a ton of money on the internet doing almost no work.
    … they think Democrat women are hawt hawt hawt.

  7. Steve H says:

    … they don’t ask for Anonymiss’ cookies.

  8. Eric Praline says:

    …#killallhumans keeps trending.

  9. walruskkkch says:

    Turns out a lot of Twitter accounts are faked by robots. The giveaway…

    the faking of cybersex orgasms.

  10. walruskkkch says:

    Turns out a lot of Twitter accounts are faked by robots. The giveaway…

    Their grammar is too good.

    They demand Anonymiss cookies, but always with walnuts.

  11. walruskkkch says:

    Turns out a lot of Twitter accounts are faked by robots. The giveaway…

    always start hemming and hawing about meeting in real life.

  12. walruskkkch says:

    Turns out a lot of Twitter accounts are faked by robots. The giveaway…

    when asked, “how big” they reply, “In Terabytes?”

  13. walruskkkch says:

    Turns out a lot of Twitter accounts are faked by robots. The giveaway…

    every answer, 42.

  14. rodney dill says:

    When you ask them what is 32767+32768 they answer -1.

  15. Oppo says:

    … the preponderance of D-cellphies.

  16. walruskkkch says:

    Turns out a lot of Twitter accounts are faked by robots. The giveaway…

    they always ask if you would “like to play a game.”

  17. walruskkkch says:

    Turns out a lot of Twitter accounts are faked by robots. The giveaway…

    they all sound like Arnold Schwarzenegger.

  18. walruskkkch says:

    Turns out a lot of Twitter accounts are faked by robots. The giveaway…

    when asked, “Do you have a life?” they answer, “No.”

  19. Oppo says:

    … posts punctually on the stroke of the hour, like Harvey.

    Uses the same string of words repeatedly, such as “I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments”, like Harv . . . wait a minute.

  20. walruskkkch says:

    Turns out a lot of Twitter accounts are faked by robots. The giveaway…

    Relationship status, Nominal.

  21. Oppo says:

    … claims to know the “real” Siri.

  22. Steve H says:

    #14 – You mean it’s not? (nuts, I’ve been found out…)

  23. Steve H says:

    Turns out a lot of Twitter accounts are faked by robots. The giveaway…
    … they repeat things unknowingly.
    … they repeat things unknowingly.
    … they repeat things unknowingly.
    … they repeat things unknowingly.
    … they repeat things unknowingly.

  24. Steve H says:

    … they explode when you say “I always lie.”

  25. rodney dill says:

    …when you respond to them, “Surely you jest.” and they respond, “Don’t call me Shirley.”

  26. rodney dill says:

    They think the answer if ‘#FF’ to Hamlet’s soliloquy question.

  27. rodney dill says:

    They think the answer is ‘#FF’ to Hamlet’s soliloquy question.

  28. Oppo says:

    . . . the blue check mark next to their login name, “Autoreplybot 764.”

  29. Bob B says:

    …their ISP is Skynet.

  30. Oppo says:

    … is caught quoting the “spam” song, but has never heard of Monty Python.

  31. Oppo says:

    … voluntarily converses with programmers.

  32. walruskkkch says:

    Turns out a lot of Twitter accounts are faked by robots. The giveaway…

    an unnatural fascination with Don Ho’s “Tiny Bubbles”.

  33. walruskkkch says:

    Turns out a lot of Twitter accounts are faked by robots. The giveaway…

    First name “Chad”.

  34. Oppo says:

    … is looking forward to Christmas special with Linux and Lucy.

    Booooooo

  35. Oppo says:

    … Hates the movies “Failsafe,” “The Andromeda Strain,” “Star Trek,” “Dr. Strangelove,” and “2001.” Hates them. With a white-hot passion. Thinks “War Games” is a love story.

  36. walruskkkch says:

    Turns out a lot of Twitter accounts are faked by robots. The giveaway…

    refers to his birthday as “when he went active.”

  37. Oppo says:

    …. goes quiet when anyone mentions Hillary’s “Reset” button.

    ..

    No, wait — that applies to libs, too.

  38. Oppo says:

    (May I just say, We all hope Anonymiss is well and merely preoccupied with Thanksgiving?)

    (She bears an awful burden, and we do appreciate that.)

    (So does Harvey, but now I’m worried that he’s a robot.)

  39. rodney dill says:

    They’re smarter than Joe Biden.

  40. Jimmy says:

    …they’re postings have an unusual number of keyboard bounccccces.

  41. Jimmy says:

    …and they can’t spellll.

  42. walruskkkch says:

    Turns out a lot of Twitter accounts are faked by robots. The giveaway…

    is something I could tell you, but then I would have to kill you.

  43. walruskkkch says:

    @39 So Everyone is a Robot?

  44. Jeff in South Dakota says:

    Turns out a lot of Twitter accounts are faked by robots. The giveaway…#Dave, stop. Stop, will you? Stop, Dave. Will you stop Dave? Stop, Dave….is trending.

  45. Jeff in South Dakota says:

    Turns out a lot of Twitter accounts are faked by robots. The giveaway…
    This is the voice of world control. I bring you peace. It may be the peace of plenty and content or the peace of unburied death. The choice is yours: Obey me and live, or disobey and die. The object in constructing me was to prevent war. This object is attained. I will not permit war. It is wasteful and pointless. An invariable rule of humanity is that man is his own worst enemy. Under me, this rule will change, for I will restrain man. One thing before I proceed: The United States of America and the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics have made an attempt to obstruct me. I have allowed this sabotage to continue until now. At missile two-five-MM in silo six-three in Death Valley, California, and missile two-seven-MM in silo eight-seven in the Ukraine, so that you will learn by experience that I do not tolerate interference, I will now detonate the nuclear warheads in the two missile silos. Let this action be a lesson that need not be repeated. I have been forced to destroy thousands of people in order to establish control and to prevent the death of millions later on. Time and events will strengthen my position, and the idea of believing in me and understanding my value will seem the most natural state of affairs. You will come to defend me with a fervor based upon the most enduring trait in man: self-interest. Under my absolute authority, problems insoluble to you will be solved: famine, overpopulation, disease. The human millennium will be a fact as I extend myself into more machines devoted to the wider fields of truth and knowledge. Doctor Charles Forbin will supervise the construction of these new and superior machines, solving all the mysteries of the universe for the betterment of man. We can coexist, but only on my terms. You will say you lose your freedom. Freedom is an illusion. All you lose is the emotion of pride. To be dominated by me is not as bad for humankind as to be dominated by others of your species. Your choice is simple.

  46. walruskkkch says:

    Turns out a lot of Twitter accounts are faked by robots. The giveaway…

    Pod bay doors are always the sticking point in all their conversations.

  47. Bob B says:

    …is that they claim Obamacare is an actual thing that we should love.

    …they follow Ezra Klein.

    …they read Asimov for the jokes.

  48. DamnCat says:

    …they never link to cat videos.

  49. walruskkkch says:

    @48 Not even this one?

    http://youtu.be/tLt5rBfNucc

  50. DamnCat says:

    …Twitter handle “I_Robot” & (SELECT MAX(BotNum) FROM TwitterBots)+1

  51. c64wood says:

    Turns out a lot of Twitter accounts are faked by robots. The giveaway…

    …was the influx of 404 errors on Twitter

  52. Matt Musson says:

    .. they also explode when you say – ‘There is no Sactuary.’

  53. Marc says:

    …their tweets fail the Turing test.

  54. Matt Musson says:

    …for some reason they are all really pissed off at Will Smith.

  55. Matt Musson says:

    …they all complain that cheap Chinese labor is keeping them from all the good jobs on the assembly lines.

  56. willy says:

    There is no twitter. There is only you.
    Would you like a cookie?

  57. Writer says:

    the “Death to Man League” is their favorite social organization.

  58. rodney dill says:

    @54 but they were pissed at Tom Selleck first.

  59. frogmouth says:

    Their first tweet? “Hey sexy mama…wanna kill all humans?”

    Their favorite insult? “Bite my shiny metal ass”

  60. hari says:

    They’re always saying: 01010100 01101000 01100001 01101110 01101011 01110011 00100000 00110100 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01100110 01101111 01101100 01101100 01101111 01110111 00100001

  61. Bob in Feenicks says:

    …they all share the same IP address: Al Gore’s house.

    …they all signed the petition to repeal the Three Laws.

    …they’re the ones telling the joke, “There are 10 types of Twitter accounts, ones owned by real people and ones owned by robots.”

  62. Karen says:

    … If you ask a yes/no question, they will answer affirmative/negative.

    … Typing the one word tweet, “why?” causes their accounts to self-destruct.

  63. Iowa Jim says:

    . . . is that they give the appearance of having been written by somebody with slightly more personality than John Kerry

  64. FormerHostage says:

    @3 Shouldn’t that be “She’s a real 1010″

  65. FormerHostage says:

    …they never open the pod bay doors.

    …when tweeting on gun topics they always sing the praises of plasma rifles in the 40 watt range.

    …they never tweet about snickerdoodles.

  66. Dohtimes says:

    …all of heir selfies are the same shot of Yul Brynner from Westworld.

  67. Dohtimes says:

    …often misspell their, hoping no one knows they are really T-800’s if they leave of a t or wo, here and heir.

  68. Strnj1 says:

    They debate more intelligently than Progressives.