Straight Line of the Day: Turns Out a Lot of Twitter Accounts Are Faked by Robots. The Giveaway…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

Turns out a lot of Twitter accounts are faked by robots. The giveaway…

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  1. … they giggled at all the same jokes.
    … they were all trying to sell me Herbalife.
    … nobody admits to Twitting anymore.
    … they use characters you can’t find on an actual keyboard.
    … they swoon when you mention Wall-E or Number Five.
    … they all have a close friend who made a ton of money on the internet doing almost no work.
    … they think Democrat women are hawt hawt hawt.

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  2. … posts punctually on the stroke of the hour, like Harvey.

    Uses the same string of words repeatedly, such as “I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments”, like Harv . . . wait a minute.

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  3. Turns out a lot of Twitter accounts are faked by robots. The giveaway…
    … they repeat things unknowingly.
    … they repeat things unknowingly.
    … they repeat things unknowingly.
    … they repeat things unknowingly.
    … they repeat things unknowingly.

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  4. … Hates the movies “Failsafe,” “The Andromeda Strain,” “Star Trek,” “Dr. Strangelove,” and “2001.” Hates them. With a white-hot passion. Thinks “War Games” is a love story.

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  5. (May I just say, We all hope Anonymiss is well and merely preoccupied with Thanksgiving?)

    (She bears an awful burden, and we do appreciate that.)

    (So does Harvey, but now I’m worried that he’s a robot.)

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  6. Turns out a lot of Twitter accounts are faked by robots. The giveaway…
    This is the voice of world control. I bring you peace. It may be the peace of plenty and content or the peace of unburied death. The choice is yours: Obey me and live, or disobey and die. The object in constructing me was to prevent war. This object is attained. I will not permit war. It is wasteful and pointless. An invariable rule of humanity is that man is his own worst enemy. Under me, this rule will change, for I will restrain man. One thing before I proceed: The United States of America and the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics have made an attempt to obstruct me. I have allowed this sabotage to continue until now. At missile two-five-MM in silo six-three in Death Valley, California, and missile two-seven-MM in silo eight-seven in the Ukraine, so that you will learn by experience that I do not tolerate interference, I will now detonate the nuclear warheads in the two missile silos. Let this action be a lesson that need not be repeated. I have been forced to destroy thousands of people in order to establish control and to prevent the death of millions later on. Time and events will strengthen my position, and the idea of believing in me and understanding my value will seem the most natural state of affairs. You will come to defend me with a fervor based upon the most enduring trait in man: self-interest. Under my absolute authority, problems insoluble to you will be solved: famine, overpopulation, disease. The human millennium will be a fact as I extend myself into more machines devoted to the wider fields of truth and knowledge. Doctor Charles Forbin will supervise the construction of these new and superior machines, solving all the mysteries of the universe for the betterment of man. We can coexist, but only on my terms. You will say you lose your freedom. Freedom is an illusion. All you lose is the emotion of pride. To be dominated by me is not as bad for humankind as to be dominated by others of your species. Your choice is simple.

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  7. They’re always saying: 01010100 01101000 01100001 01101110 01101011 01110011 00100000 00110100 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01100110 01101111 01101100 01101100 01101111 01110111 00100001

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  8. …they all share the same IP address: Al Gore’s house.

    …they all signed the petition to repeal the Three Laws.

    …they’re the ones telling the joke, “There are 10 types of Twitter accounts, ones owned by real people and ones owned by robots.”

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