It’s a Las Vegas New Year

Posted on December 17, 2013 4:15 pm

January 1st is quick approaching.  For many, this will be like a trip to Vegas.  Whether or not you have health insurance will be a giant crapshoot.  But never fear.  Obama is on the job.  He has some recommendations for those of us who will wake up January 1st with no coverage.  Here is what he suggests you try should you find yourself in that situation:

  • Hope really hard
  • Make sure to pay your life insurance premiums
  • If you run out of birth control, remember condoms are reusable if washed in the delicate cycle.  You can find the used condoms in the dumpster behind your local Planned Parenthood
  • Blame Bush
  • I’m pretty sure Time Life has a series on home surgery
  • I’m always available to play doctor.  Call me
  • If you happen to need an emergency abortion, there are also coat hangers in the alley behind Planned Parenthood
  • If you are unable to refill your prescriptions, let me tell you about a wonderful little thing called the placebo effect
  • Have you tried faith healing lately?
  • If you happen to need an emergency organ transplant, there are also vagrants in the alley behind Planned Parenthood
  • If you ask your navigator, they will provide you with a fake Canadian ID, a fake Canadian passport and a map showing the locations of all clinics in Canada
  • Clap your hands and say: I do believe in healthcare.gov! I do believe in healthcare.gov! I do believe in healthcare.gov!
  • Have you tried medicinal meth?  You can get it from a guy in the dumpster behind the Planned Parenthood
  • Stop being so racist.  Healthcare.gov can sense your racism and won’t work if you are racist.  Healthcare.gov is working for you, right?
  • Pretend to be an illegal alien.  You’ll get treated right away
  • Remember to not vote Democrat next time
  • Join a union or become a Senator
  • Take the time now to prioritize your loved ones by how much you love them so it becomes easier to decide who gets the limited medical care you can afford
  • Laughter is the best medicine.  Buy a copy of Uncle Sid’s Guide to Homeschool Your Hellions
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3 Responses to “It’s a Las Vegas New Year”

  1. blarg says:

    I was looking over a private plan I was considering getting, it’s not offered through the exchange, but it IS approved…and the monthly premium for myself and my wife would be more than the mortgage on my house.

    I’m not kidding…and my house isn’t some shack behind Planned Parenthood, it’s pretty nice.

  2. Lactose the Intolerant says:

    @1 I know. I looked into it myself. If I lost my plan, economic realities would leave me only one choice. I’d have to pay the fine for being uncovered, save whatever money I could to cover potential future medical expenses and cross my fingers. All of the plans for a family of seven available would be unaffordable. As you said, they were more than my mortgage with deductibles upwards of $13,000. There is no where in the budget to find this kind of scratch. Essentially catastrophic policies at upper-end comprehensive prices. Unworkable.

  3. Rayfan87 says:

    This is one of the good parts of my job, the pay sucks but they offer great benefits. And they know people only work there for the benefits so if they drop the insurance nobody would be there.

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