Maria: Nazi Smasher

Posted on December 9, 2013 11:00 am

So the wife made me watch that Carrie Underwood The Sound of Music. I even suggested another movie with a well known star of musicals, Hugh Jackman, but I still had to watch The Sound of Music instead of The Wolverine. It’s funny, though, until we started watching, I completely forgot I was in The Sound of Music in 8th grade. I was Max, which was the second biggest male speaking part, but he doesn’t come in until the 2nd act which means I didn’t pay attention to the first act and never understood the plot.

Anyway, that movie needs a lot of updating. Not only is none of the music dubstep, but the plot is just lame and boring. First change, rename if from the yawn inducing “The Sound of Music” to the much more exciting sounding “Maria: Nazi Smasher” (“I’ve come to sing songs and kill Nazis, and I’m all out of Nazis.”). And, the ending needs to be changed. I mean, you can’t have Nazis in a movie or video game and then not kill them — that’s almost being a Nazi-sympathizer. So, definitely more action at the end.

MARIA: “We’re the von Trapps. We sing as a family.”

*all pull out guns*

MARIA: “And we kill as a family.”

GRETEL: “The sun has gone, and to graves you all must go” *starts firing*

Also, that “Do-Re-Mi” song is cute, but it could really use some updating as well. Here’s my stab at it:

D’oh, a sound that homer makes
Ray, famous for its pizza
Me, a being filled with awesome
Fall, the time for pumpkin spice
Tso, a gen’ral’s chicken dish
Law, the thing that Judge Dredd is
T, a man who pities fools
That will bring us back to
D’oh!

Anyway, just some ideas. If Hollywood wants to hire me, my standard fee is a million dollars.

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5 Responses to “Maria: Nazi Smasher”

  1. walruskkkch says:

    I’ve killed 16, going on 17 Nazis…

  2. silaS marreD says:

    That was funny stuff. Glad I put my coffee down before reading the song!

  3. Oppo says:

    “It’s a von TRAPP!”

  4. Frank J. says:

    You guys are cracking me up today.

  5. Adrian says:

    You can’t go wrong sticking with Homer Simpson.

    DOUGH… the stuff…that buys me beer…
    RAY….. the guy that sells me beer…
    ME…… the guy… who drinks the beer,
    FAR….. a long, long way to beer
    SO…… I’ll have another beer…
    LA…… La la la la la la beer
    TEA….. no thanks, I’m drinking beer…
    That will bring us back to…(Looks into an empty glass)
    DOH!

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