Microsoft Bra

Posted on December 3, 2013 10:00 am

MSBraHeard about the Microsoft Bra?

Really.

Mary Czerwinski is a Research Manager of the Visualization and Interaction (VIBE) Research Group at Microsoft, according to her Web page at Microsoft. She’s working on a bra that has sensors that will be able to determine if the wearer is encountering stress. And, since stress often leads to over-eating, the Microsoft Bra is a diet aid.

And, apparently, it works:

The stress-busting bra was recently tested by a small group of volunteers who were able to get feedback on their moods. Microsoft built the sensor pads with a microprocessor powered by a 3.7-volt battery. It was able to sample up to eight bio-signal channels simultaneously, according to Czerwinski’s research paper…

Now, I’m uncertain how I feel about this.

Microsoft’s Xbox is a good device. Let me clarify: I like the Xbox 360; I’ve never used an Xbox One. I’ve used a Microsoft Mouse, and liked it. Microsoft Office works pretty well, once I get used to where things are every release when they move everything around. But, I don’t like Windows. Well, Windows 7 (which is actually Windows 6.1) works okay. XP worked alright. But Vista stunk up the joint. And, while I’ve not spent the money to get my hands on Windows 8 or 8.1, those I know that have, hate it on a desktop computer or a full-size laptop.

So, some stuff Microsoft gets its hands on works well, and some doesn’t.

Let me ask you, ladies. Do you want Microsoft to get its hands on your bra? So to speak.

What do you think about the whole thing? Good idea?

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24 Responses to “Microsoft Bra”

  1. Oppo says:

    “. . . the Visualization and Interaction (VIBE) Research Group . . .”

    The first red flag is that Microsoft apparently doesn’t understand how acronyms are formed.

  2. Jeff in South Dakota says:

    So, it’s battery powered and provides “feedback” to the wearer to alter their moods. So, it’s like my dog’s “correction” collar?

  3. Jimmy says:

    I thought women were giving up wired bras.

    Sounds like a good fit – for Microsoft.

    But does it lift and separate them from the competition?

    (Okay, I’m out.)

  4. Conservatarian says:

    The idea of a bra with windows is intriguing, but I’m not very enthusiastic about the windows condom that recently announced. A condom that is practically guaranteed to crash? Not a good idea.

    http://health.usnews.com/health-news/health-wellness/articles/2013/11/25/bill-gates-condom-campaign-an-effort-to-save-lives-in-africa

  5. Jimmy says:

    “eight bio-signal channels”. As an engineer, I’m forced to speculate:

    1. Heart rate
    2. Temperature
    3. Pressure (!)
    4. Galvanic skin response
    5. x-axis accelerometer
    6. y-axis accelerometer
    7. z-axis accelerometer
    8. ?

    Dynamists will be interested in #5-8.

  6. Jimmy says:

    Of course it has Bluetooth. Everything is better with Bluetooth.

  7. walruskkkch says:

    The Vagina monologues are bad enough, now women have to contend with the boobies talking to them as well?

  8. Oppo says:

    @5 Jimmy:

    re: “8. ?”

    I’m at a loss. Maybe has something to do with sound. Maybe an NSA microphone, transmitting to the Hubba Hubba Telescope?

  9. Jimmy says:

    Yeah, Oppo, I was trying to fit “tilt” in there, too, but technically, it’s three sensors: pitch, roll and yowza!

  10. Fred Key says:

    I thought women were the ones who were in touch with their feelings. Then why do they need a piece of computerized underwear to tell them they feel stressed?

    It’s us men who have no idea what we’re feeling so we just get mad.

    Maybe we need the Microsoft Tighty Whities.

  11. Steve H says:

    Mine seems to be working okay…

  12. Basil says:

    Really, Fred? Something in that area that says “micro” or “soft?” Or both?

  13. Oppo says:

    you can Play Tech Support for Playtex Support

  14. Jimmy says:

    Basil: We either have no women here – or – we have no women who wear bras.

    I was just thinking:

    Bezos at Amazon is developing high-tech drones to delver products to me. Bill Gates thinks that’s overly optimistic

    However, the turkeys at Microsoft are developing invasive sensors to help women with their moods. Maybe Bill’s having marital problems.

  15. Basil says:

    Jimmy:
    We got women here. We got bra-wearing women here. They’re just holding back, watching the men be all juvenile. They’ll remember what we said, and use it against us.

    By the way, the only thing this bra needs to determine if the woman is stressing is a audio detector. If it suddenly gets quiet, that means they’re stressing. If it gets too loud, that means they’re relieving the stress on us. Neither is good for the man.

  16. Fred Key says:

    @Basil — Hey, mine would be Excel!

  17. Basil says:

    Fred:
    Word!

    You do seem to have a positive Outlook about it that you can Access at any time.

  18. Jimmy says:

    Okay, Basil, I’ll wait for the women here to comment.

    I’m still waiting…

    *waits some more*

    *taps fingers on desk*

    (What if all the women are gone? Nooooooo!)

  19. NoMoBama says:

    Why don’t they just make a bra that gets smaller as you get….oh wait, they already do.

  20. J.M. Heinrichs says:

    http://s163.photobucket.com/user/mkowalsky/media/iBoob.jpg.html

    Cheers

  21. TerribleTroy says:

    So, when it upgrades will it be called a Tweak or a Patch?

  22. Professor Hale says:

    Sounds like those sensors could be sold as a sensor pack and attached to any clothing. MS is just using marketing by associating it with bras. Guys like talking about bras.

  23. Anonymiss says:

    Let me ask you, ladies. Do you want Microsoft to get its hands on your bra? So to speak.

    I thought this was a question for the ladies. Wait. All you guys are ladies??? I’ve been…so… wrong…

    Guys like talking about bras.

    Apparently, they do.

    And by the way…I’m back :)

  24. Oppo says:

    Yay!

    I’ll bet the thing has megabytes of mammary.

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