New Talking Points on Obamacare

Posted on December 3, 2013 11:00 am

So Obama is planning a PR push for the disastrous Obamacare. This will have to be delicate, but here are the talking points the White House is working on to help fix things.


* You can’t really blame Obama for Obamacare because was drinking with Rob Ford when it was signed and doesn’t really remember it.

* Programming is really complicated as it involves not just the numbers 0 through 9, but also the letters A through F. No one can be expected to understand that.

* Obama can’t be blamed for bad management because it was all the people under him who were the bad managers.

* It’s easy to understand how Obamacare will lead to reduced costs unless you’re one of those sticklers who keeps referring to numbers and their meanings.

* Though Obama may have lied the first couple times he said, “If you like your plan, you can keep it,” he convinced himself by repeating it so many times that by the end he really believed it and wasn’t lying.

* The website basically works now, but please take our word for it and don’t visit it or all that traffic will just crash it again.

* Though is still a little buggy, the mechanism for fining people who don’t buy insurance looks to be working perfectly.

* Though millions are losing their insurance and paying more, theoretically there is someone out there happy with Obamacare… probably a psychopath who will make good use of the mental health coverage.

* This is all the Republicans faults, because reasons.

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4 Responses to “New Talking Points on Obamacare”

  1. Amer-I-Can says:

    You can wrap another talking point around this:

  2. Jimmy says:

    * If it weren’t for those damn glitches, we’d have been up on day one!

  3. walruskkkch says:

    Next time we will go for the Winky Dink method. The show’s central gimmick was the use of a “magic drawing screen”, which was a large piece of vinyl plastic that stuck to the television screen via static electricity. A kit containing the screen and various Winky Dink crayons could be purchased for 50 cents. At a climactic scene in every Winky Dink short, Winky would arrive upon a scene that contained a connect the dots picture. He would then prompt the children at home to complete the picture, and the finished result would help him continue the story. Examples include drawing a bridge to cross a river, an axe to chop down a tree, or a cage to trap a dangerous lion.

    Another use of the interactive screen was to decode messages. An image would be displayed, showing only the vertical lines of the letters of the secret message, which viewers at home would quickly trace onto their magic screen. A second image would then display the horizontal lines, completing the text.

    A final use of the screen was to create the outline of a character with whom Jack Barry would have a conversation. It would seem meaningless to viewers without the screen, further encouraging its purchase.

    Might work better.

  4. Dohtimes says:

    Obamacare only covers preexisting glitches, and those caused by rape or incest.

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