Random Thoughts: Clowns, Birth Control, and Grapefruit

Posted on December 13, 2013 9:44 am

I’ll support any amendment that A) Takes power from government B) Give more power to people. Actually, A and B are two sides of same coin.

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was to convince some people that clowns are funny and not nightmarish hell-beings.

“I’ve finished writing my book on military strategy.”
“All it says is ‘Nuke ‘em from orbit.’”
“THERE ARE NO FLAWS TO THAT PLAN!”

If you’re a woman who regularly spends $800 a month or more on birth control, Obamacare could be a big win for you.

The fake sign language guy shows us what the antics in a wacky comedy look like to everyone else who isn’t a part of it.

New budget rule idea: Every day the budget isn’t balanced, each member of Congress will be punched in the face by Capitol security.

So does the budget deal make us any more screwed or are we just maintaining the level of doom?

Maintaining the current level of doom would be pretty good while Obama is president.

We were supposed to honor Newtown with a bunch of gun control laws that wouldn’t have prevented Newtown. What happened?

I can’t believe Obama’s conduct at the Mandela funeral; didn’t he notice that no one else was blowing into a vuvuzela?

I think the best fix for Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. would be to make Skye like Kenny from South Park in that she gets killed every episode.

We should confiscate all guns.
*secretly hides a gun so he’ll be only man in America with a gun and thus king*

The Hobby Lobby is one of the most powerful lobbies in Washington. That’s why there are so few laws on model glue.

I think the only way for Obama to save his popularity now would be to take a harsh stance against websites that autoplay videos.

So criminal mastermind George Zimmerman got away again.

My daughter will have vague memories of what a TV channel is.

My 6 mo son thinks a red bouncing ball is the funniest thing ever; some people find 2 Broke Girls to be funny, so who am I to judge.

When someone named the grapefruit, did he think the grape was a vegetable and he was distinguishing?

Grape and grapefruit is like having a Cadillac and a Cadillac-car and those being two completely different cars.

All I’m saying is whoever named the grapefruit must have been some sort of massive idiot. There is no other explanation.

I actually don’t know of any sport you can play while wearing a sports coat.

When I watched the “A Charlie Brown Christmas” as a kid, I don’t remember as many Hulu loading issues.

Grapefruit was named because it grows in bunches like grapes. Another fruit that grows in bunches like grapes: GRAPES!

I will not let this go!

So far in season 4, Walter White has reminded me of Starscream, brash, unlikable, and with constant delusions of taking over everything.

I’ll definitely get through these episodes before Netflix gets the back 8 of season 5. Probably buy those; this show deserves my money.

“I am the one who knocks, Megatron!”

I remember when I couldn’t broadcast my thoughts to the world from my phone. And when phones used to be anchored to the wall.

“Kids, you’re not cool enough to do drugs.” was the least successful anti-drug slogan.

It was 13 years ago yesterday that Al Gore started growing a beard.

Let’s say I want to be an establishment Republican; what’s the application process?

How much time do kids spend obsessing on the color of the guy who brings free toys?

#PraytoEndAbortion Many claim to be against violence, but it’s such a popular solution for pregnancy.

I’ve never been very sure what I’m supposed to do with all this time between Winter Olympics curling matches.

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11 Responses to “Random Thoughts: Clowns, Birth Control, and Grapefruit”

  1. DamnCat says:

    The press needs to get the story straight in the sign lanuage guy at Mandela’s funeral.
    Was his interpretation of Obama’s speech inaccurate or was it gibberish? It can’t be both.

  2. walruskkkch says:

    “New budget rule idea: Every day the budget isn’t balanced, each member of Congress will be punched in the face by Capitol security.”
    Actually I would vote for decimation, traditional Roman style.

    I actually don’t know of any sport you can play while wearing a sports coat.

    http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-UaVCki4-PYU/TWHvQmK8dZI/AAAAAAAAAKg/7_TeMLPmqYs/s1600/Alaskajuniorgolf_Golf_History.jpg

  3. Iowa Jim says:

    If you’re a woman who regularly spends $800 a month or more on birth control, Obamacare could be a big win for you.

    And Bill Clinton, John Edwards, and Anthony Weiner would like to contact you.

  4. Steve H says:

    You could probably wear a sport coat in the Tour de France.

  5. Steve H says:

    >> New budget rule idea: Every day the budget isn’t balanced, each member of Congress will be punched in the face by Capitol security. <<

    First, give Congress the authority to completely eliminate Federal agencies like the NEA, the EPA, etc in one fell swoop.
    Next, have a lottery to let civilians join Capital Security for a day, they can bring their brass knuckles.

  6. jw says:

    sports you can play while wearing a sport coat:

    fox hunting, dressage.

    Originally, sports coats were worn as casual attire for hunting and other outdoor sports (hence the name)

    actually, you can wear a sport coat to play any game if you don’t insist on playing well.

  7. Chip says:

    “…“All it says is ‘Nuke ‘em from orbit.’”
    “THERE ARE NO FLAWS TO THAT PLAN!””

    I am sorry to be Debbie Downer but getting into Orbit so you can Nuke em is hard right now. The last guy we got up there…. he couldn’t get back. His only choice was to jump and hope the parachute was enough. And he wasn’t even really in orbit, just really, really high up.

  8. Marc says:

    I think the best fix for Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. would be to make sure Skye like Kenny from South Park in that she gets killed has no lines and more lingerie scenes in every episode. FIFY

    “All I’m saying is whoever named the grapefruit must have been some sort of massive idiot. There is no other explanation.” What about the egg plant? They don’t hatch no matter how long you sit on them.

  9. jw says:

    @8 Marc

    and what about breadfruit?

  10. Veeshir says:

    I saw we get rid of the Commerce Clause.

  11. CaptMidnight says:

    “I think the best fix for Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. would be to make Skye like Kenny from South Park in that she gets killed every episode.”

    The best fix for Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. would be:

    1) Lose Grant Ward, Fitz and Simmons.

    2) Replace everybody that’s left with these guys: http://fanart.tv/fanart/tv/77964/clearart/thunderbirds-4e1012781014c.png

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