You had me at they had to move across the street so it’s now “22 Jump Street.”
I just saw an ad for Anchorman 2.
Why would you assume I know all the lesser-known reindeer but have never heard of the most famous reindeer of all?
If we were a more sensible people, we’d inject politicians with sodium pentothal before debates.
Heh. His name is “Shia LaBeouf.”
It’s white privilege that Santa is able to break into all those houses without being arrested.
These days, you basically have to get rid of your computer and live in the middle of the woods if you want to escape Google or Ron Burgundy.
Obama wishes Washington was more like House of Cards? Is he saying that Biden isn’t an evil genius who plotted and murdered his way to VP?
I’ve yet to meet a high school chemistry teacher I haven’t suspected to be a meth cook.
War will be a lot more frequent and fun when it will just be our robots blowing up other people’s robots.
Here is how I rank Obama versus the other presidents:
1. Other presidents
I have trouble believing even Hitler would be okay with video ads that automatically play.
The amount today’s feminism focuses on enabling casual sex makes it seem at times like it was designed by horny teenage boys.
“Daddy, can we open presents?”
“Actually, the president says we first need to talk about health insurance.”
“I HATE THE PRESIDENT!”
I actually, I’m thinking there’s a pretty high chance someone is going to mention how idiotic Obamacare is at Christmas.
Wife is leaving me alone with the kids tonight and I don’t know what they eat or anything. Maybe there is a bag of baby feed in the pantry.
“Obamacare is getting more and more unpopular. Ideas?”
“I know: Let’s encourage douchebags to annoy people about it over Christmas!”
Never once has anyone disagreed with me on the internet. Maybe you’re all just arguing poorly.
Paid $15 on Amazon to stream last 8 episodes of Breaking Bad. I hear it’s worth it.
Other option was to spoof browser so Netflix thinks I’m logging in from the UK which makes those episodes available.
I feel too old to be hacking to get stuff for free I can just legally pay for, though.
Whatever happens in the last few episodes of Breaking Bad, I hope nothing happens to Huell.
Got kicked out for using a racial slur when I called the president a “spoony bard.”
Accidentally publicly tweeting a DM is what finally brought down Al Capone.