Straight Line of the Day: Canada Plans to Claim the North Pole for Itself. They Will Also Claim…

Posted on December 11, 2013 12:00 pm

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

Canada plans to claim the North Pole for itself. They will also claim…

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78 Responses to “Straight Line of the Day: Canada Plans to Claim the North Pole for Itself. They Will Also Claim…”

  1. Jimmy says:

    …that American maple syrup is fake.

  2. Steve H says:

    They will also claim…
    … they invented French Fries
    … they have a Navy (haw! what a hoot!)
    … we have to pay royalties for snow

  3. rodney dill says:

    …all the North Pole dancers.

  4. rodney dill says:

    …it was Bush’s fault.

  5. Jimmy says:

    …that Canada invented hockey.

  6. rodney dill says:

    …all your base are belong to us, eh.

  7. Steve H says:

    They will also claim…
    no, the Americans are the ones who talk funny, eh?
    … Bob and Doug MacKenzie are the sole reason they didn’t just take over the whole North American continent when they had the chance.
    … their new National Anthem is Rush’s YYZ (and woe to any who cannot sing it, eh)

  8. Jimmy says:

    …that their Rocky Mountains are more beautiful than ours. (I’ve actually heard that from Canadians.)

  9. walruskkkch says:

    Canada plans to claim the North Pole for itself. They will also claim…

    Anonymiss cookies!

  10. walruskkkch says:

    Canada plans to claim the North Pole for itself. They will also claim…

    Santa

  11. Jimmy says:

    …that William Shatner was, in fact, NOT one of their own.

  12. Mrs. Campbell says:

    .. no responsibility for the ACA (Obamacare, if you’re racist.)

  13. Mrs. Campbell says:

    … the “N” on compasses stands for Newfoundland.

  14. walruskkkch says:

    Canada plans to claim the North Pole for itself. They will also claim…

    Xanadu

  15. walruskkkch says:

    Canada plans to claim the North Pole for itself. They will also claim…

    3 or 4 other gay sex metaphors.

  16. Jimmy says:

    …that Canada is full of rugged – yet progressive – individualists.

    …that Red Green was color blind.

  17. DamnCat says:

    …the South Pole and everything in between the two. They’ll sober up in a week or so.

  18. rodney dill says:

    …that beer is one of the major food groups.

  19. walruskkkch says:

    Canada plans to claim the North Pole for itself. They will also claim…

    the moose consented.

  20. walruskkkch says:

    Canada plans to claim the North Pole for itself. They will also claim…

    Frostbite falls and Whatsamatter U.

  21. rodney dill says:

    …that they’re sorry to all the other nations for claiming the North Pole.

  22. walruskkkch says:

    Canada plans to claim the North Pole for itself. They will also claim…

    they aren’t murderous psychopaths.

  23. walruskkkch says:

    Canada plans to claim the North Pole for itself. They will also claim…

    to respect the right of return for any displaced Elves.

  24. walruskkkch says:

    Canada plans to claim the North Pole for itself. They will also claim…

    not to have any further territorial ambitions outside the Sudentland,

  25. walruskkkch says:

    Canada plans to claim the North Pole for itself. They will also claim…

    to have found it by the side of the road so it’s finders keepers, like road kill.

  26. rodney dill says:

    …that Bob&Doug McKenzie’s 12 Days of Christmas is the best Christmas song ever….

  27. Bob B says:

    …Dudley Do-right as a national hero.

    …they did build that.

    …all your bases are belong to us.

    …North Dakota oilfields, and Niagara Falls.

  28. rodney dill says:

    @19… and subsequently the charges were dropped to ‘Just Following Too Close.’

  29. rodney dill says:

    …that Smarties are better than M&M’s (…and they’re right)

  30. walruskkkch says:

    Canada plans to claim the North Pole for itself. They will also claim…

    not to have plans and that everyone is just being a little paranoid on the subject.

  31. walruskkkch says:

    Canada plans to claim the North Pole for itself. They will also claim…

    poutine rules!

  32. walruskkkch says:

    Canada plans to claim the North Pole for itself. They will also claim…

    Moosehead is a beer.

  33. FormerHostage says:

    …the Island of Misfit Toys.

    …that they’re a real country.

    …that they make the best cookies in the world.

    …that they really like hetero and it was just a phase they were going through.

    …that they have no idea how those sites got on their browser history.

  34. FormerHostage says:

    …that they’re a world power. It’s so cute when they try to act butch.

  35. walruskkkch says:

    Canada plans to claim the North Pole for itself. They will also claim…

    A moose once bit my sister…

    No realli! She was Karving her initials on the moose with the sharpened end
    of an interspace toothbrush given her by Svenge – her brother-in-law – an
    Oslo
    dentist and star of many Norwegian movies: “The Hot Hands of an Oslo
    Dentist”,
    “Fillings of Passion”, “The Huge Molars of Horst Nordfink”…

    Mynd you, moose bites Kan be pretti nasti…

  36. walruskkkch says:

    Canada plans to claim the North Pole for itself. They will also claim…

    Hockey isn’t teh gay.

  37. walruskkkch says:

    Canada plans to claim the North Pole for itself. They will also claim…

    that having two national languages is better than one.

    Le Canada envisage de réclamer le pôle Nord pour lui-même. Ils seront également réclamer…

    que le fait d’avoir deux langues nationales est mieux qu’un

  38. rodney dill says:

    …that they know what they’re talkin’ aboot.

  39. rodney dill says:

    …that moose lips sink ships… but no one actually understood what that meant.

  40. rodney dill says:

    …that they call Hillary, President Moose Knuckle if she’s elected.

  41. rodney dill says:

    @35 – Uff Da!

  42. walruskkkch says:

    Canada plans to claim the North Pole for itself. They will also claim…

    they didn’t know these actresses were Canadian:

    Pamela Anderson
    Laura Bertram
    Geneviève Bujold
    Neve Campbell
    Kim Catrall
    Emmanuelle Chriqui
    Rae Dawn Chong
    Elisha Cuthbert
    Yvonne De Carlo
    Colleen Dewhurst
    Lexa Doig
    Tricia Helfer
    Natasha Henstridge
    Margot Kidder
    Mia Kirshner
    Evangeline Lilly
    Lois Maxwell
    Carrie-Anne Moss
    Kate Nelligan
    Sandra Oh
    Ellen Page
    Anna Paquin
    Grace Park
    Mary Pickford
    Amanda Plummer
    Buffy Sainte Marie
    Helen Shaver
    Meg Tilly
    Shannon Tweed
    Estella Warren
    Fay Wray

  43. rodney dill says:

    @42 –

    What ever happened to Fay Wray?
    That delicate satin draped frame. As it clung to her thigh.
    How I started to cry. For I wanted to be dressed just the same.

  44. E Pluribus Unum says:

    …to have invented Al Gore. And thus vicariously to have invented the internet. And the plot for Love story. And that big wet gross kiss on Tipper.

  45. rodney dill says:

    …that they’ll take Alex Trebek for $1000.

  46. E Pluribus Unum says:

    …to have discovered the *real* killer of Nicole Simpson and Ron Goldman.

  47. rodney dill says:

    …that there’s only one eleven letter word that they all pronounce incorrectly.

  48. blarg says:

    This ashtray. And this paddle game, the ashtray and the paddle game. And this remote control. The ashtray, the paddle game, and the remote control. And these matches. The ashtray, and these matches, and the remote control and the paddle ball. And this lamp. The ashtray, this paddle game and the remote control and the lamp. The paddle game, and the chair, and the remote control, and the matches, for sure. And this. The ashtray, the remote control, the paddle game, this magazine and the chair.

  49. blarg says:

    …the entire world’s supply of dryer lint.

  50. blarg says:

    …copyright on the expression “eh?”

  51. Bob B says:

    @27 – You’re a hoser, eh, for missing that Rodney already had the “base’ line

  52. rodney dill says:

    @27… Niagara Falls?…. Slowly I turned….

  53. Burt says:

    …the right to hire Chuck Norris for Border Patrol. It’s the only way they will be able to sleep at night. Vlad is one scary dude.

  54. Bob B says:

    …that Dave Thomas and Rick Moranis should be tried as traitors for the McKenzie brothers.

  55. Bob B says:

    …that Santa Claus is actually the commandant for the Royal Canadian Mounted Police – Reindeer Division.

    …that all the world can be divided into the Habs and the Hab-nots.

    …that snowshoes represent high fashion, as well as common sense.

  56. HokieGomer says:

    …that Michael Moore has a heavenly body…astronomically speaking, of course.

  57. HokieGomer says:

    …that Canadian bacon is indeed bacon.

  58. HokieGomer says:

    @ #52 – Behave, or I shall have to apply the genital cuff.

  59. walruskkkch says:

    Canada plans to claim the North Pole for itself. They will also claim…

    O Canada is better than O Calcutta!

  60. walruskkkch says:

    Canada plans to claim the North Pole for itself. They will also claim…

    keeping your stick on the ice is good for you.

  61. Wyrmlaf says:

    @43 She only had one thigh?

  62. Wyrmlaf says:

    Canada plans to claim the North Pole for itself. They will also claim…

    They should not be blamed!

  63. Wyrmlaf says:

    Canada plans to claim the North Pole for itself. They will also claim…

    that if Obama had a country it would just like Canada!

  64. Dohtimes says:

    …the Equatorial Cummerbund.

    …that a Canadian guy once watched a sporting event while he was sober.

    …that the metal plates in their heads have no bearing on their gradual migration northward.

    …we would some day accidentally find Canada on a map looking for the North Pole.

  65. c64wood says:

    …the disapearing and reappearing ice cap

    …all the taxes from the people that live at the north pole to cover all the extra spending already planned (pole taxes?)

    …the land around the pole

  66. GrandLarsenE says:

    that they are a real country.

  67. blarg says:

    …the world leadership role so willingly given up by that embarrassment in charge of the United States.

  68. Bob in Feenicks says:

    …they’re not America’s hat, America is their chair.

    …Americans are a bunch of Shatner-stealing Mexico-touchers.

  69. Writer says:

    …Mount Michael Mor-on aka Mount Doom

  70. rodney dill says:

    @61- no that was Eileen Wray.

  71. RAML says:

    The devil made them do it.

  72. Karen says:

    … that they’re a real country.

    … Santa Claus is a Canadian Citizen.

    … That they are still very sorry about Brian Adams.

    … The correct spelling of Canada is “C – eh- N- eh – D -eh”.

  73. Bob B. says:

    …that Toronto mayor Rob Ford is the quintessential Ugly American.

  74. tinman says:

    Canada plans to claim the North Pole for itself. They will also claim…

    … “We are more rude than most people realize. Sorry if that disappoints you.”

  75. tinman says:

    Canada plans to claim the North Pole for itself. They will also claim…

    … South Korea, East Germany and the West Indies.

    … that geography is not a strong suit of most Canadians.

    … that French Canadians are only half as obnoxious as real Frenchmen, and smell like maple-smoked bacon rather than snails and cheap wine.

  76. hari says:

    …that Terrance and Phillip are funny.

    …that their flapping heads are NOT full of lies, you racist!

    …that Canada is NOT America’s hat: America is Canada’s fat pants.

    …that there is, in fact, something there.

    …that they care what America thinks.

    …that Harvey’s burgers are actually made from beef.

    …that Tim Horton’s is NOT a stealth attempt to fatten Americans up for a Canadian invasion.

    …that Nickelback doesn’t suck.

    …that Montréal just LOVES being part of the country.

    …that weed is still illegal.

  77. Gumbeaux says:

    . . . the northeastern United States, but then will give it back after they sober up.

  78. IMAO » Blog Archive » You’ve Been Judged! links:

    […] Anonymiss of Nuking Politics picked her favorite punchlines to “Canada Plans to Claim the North Pole for Itself. They Will Also Claim…” […]

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